IN TIMES OF GRIEF; Castle Rock-WA

~Valeria Hargand

6 years ago * Facebook

I, myself did not understand Grief properly … until I went through it myself: no one truly can, until they go through it themselves.

When I first became a Widow, I told everyone I wanted to be left alone for a while. No doubt I hurt people's feelings when I said that, and meant it. But I NEEDED to be alone for a few weeks; I simply could not deal with anyone else at that particular time in my life. The loss of Bob's physical presence in my life was too much for my heart. mind, and soul. I NEEDED solitude. Total solitude - I didn't want my senses overwhelmed. I could not comfort others while I was barely holding myself in check. People who truly know me, KNEW that - those who didn't … didn't; and got their feelings hurt.

In those early weeks, while I walked through the shadows that sometimes obscured my new path in my new life, Safe People and Fellow Grievers came alongside me, to walk with me - the Safe People did not actually say anything to me: they just took my elbows and helped safely guide me through the shadows. I appreciate every one of them! They were SO crucial during those first months of Widowhood. Sometimes they called, said who they were, and just listened to me cry - sometime for quite a long time; they knew that was the only way I could truly heal. They WILL be blessed.

Then there were the Fellow Grievers; the ones who had already walked through the Shadows themselves and knew what I was facing/would be facing; they came alongside me too, and listened. Because I was now walking a path they had already walked, they knew that platitudes, unwanted advice, and Pollyannaism wasn't what I needed from them: they just extended their hand of friendship and let me lead as they walked alongside me. They did offer advice when I asked - but they never crossed that line without my expressed permission to give advice. They encouraged me from the sidelines and cheered for me when I cleared the hurdles: they knew I had to do this on my own … they were very careful to aide me, yet keep a prudent distance - they understood that my baby steps were similar to those of a toddler; hovering and/or stepping in would handicap my progress. So, they just waited for me to ask for their help and/or advice. They knew that if I was asking, I was in the mood to listen. They knew this was the only way I could truly move forward with confidence. They WILL be blessed.

I am thankful for the Safe People & the Fellow Grievers.

**********

Here are five important people you will meet in your grief journey.

THE HYPER-CRITICAL JUDGE

These people compare and evaluate. You’ll recognize their voice easily. “Be strong. Get over it. Pull yourself together. Move on.”

Hyper-critical judges don’t like tears. They pick you apart, bit by bit. They’re discouraging. They can kill your heart. They’re toxic. Avoid them like the plague.

If you must interact with them (family and co-workers, for example), put on your armor first. Don’t give them access to your heart. Quick to point out your faults, they ignore their own. They deal with your issues as a smokescreen to hide theirs.

When the hyper-critical judge shows up, breathe deeply, protect your heart, and let them pass on by.

THE WELL-MEANING RELATIVE, FRIEND, OR CO-WORKER

These folks want to help but don’t know how. Thinking they need to say something, they stammer out platitudes. “At least they’re not suffering anymore.” At least they’re in a better place.” “At least you had them as long as you did.” “At least…”

Chances are your life is well-populated with these well-meaning people. Keep your expectations low. They can’t understand. They’re trying, but they can’t get to where you are.

When they say unhelpful things, release them quickly. If you can, smile and forgive. Relate to them as you want to, but it’s probably wise not to entrust them with the tender parts of your soul right now.

THE FIXER

These people are convinced they know what you should do. They don’t enter your grief with you, but they’re full of ideas on how to fix it. “You need to get out more.” “This works, so you need to do it.” “Go to a support group.” “You need counseling.”

Fixers tell you what to do and then disappear, only to reappear later with more advice you haven’t asked for. They’ll share their self-styled, fix-it-quick wisdom anywhere – restaurants, movie theaters, grocery stores, hospitals, coffee shops, street corners, clothing stores, churches, sporting events, etc. Fixers are everywhere, and they have an answer for everything.

Some fixers have good hearts. Your pain distresses them. They don’t know how to meet you in your grief, so they pull out their magic wand to whisk the pain away. Be merciful and forgiving. There’s some fixer in all of us.

You don’t need fixers at present. If possible, don’t let their darts of advice penetrate too far.

THE SAFE PERSON

Safe people are amazing.

They meet you where you are. They enter your grief and exist with you there, even if it’s only for a few moments. They have no agenda other than supporting you.

They don’t try to fix. They don’t have magic-wand advice. They don’t pretend they didn’t see you in the store. They aren’t terrified by pain and suffering.

Safe people are great listeners. They know that words are overrated. They possess an ability to hear not only your words but your heart. Compassion exudes from them.

How do you find them? Be a safe person yourself. Safe people are magnets for each other.

THE FELLOW GRIEVER

Grief is lonely, but the road of loss is well traveled and densely populated.

Permeated with obstacles, this road winds, curves, climbs, falls, and often doubles-back on itself. Some are quite familiar with this terrain. They have traveled here often and know the emotions, challenges, and frustrations well.

These fellow travelers “get it.” They have allowed grief to cultivate compassion rather than bitterness. Capable of embracing and caring for your heart, they can be treasured companions on this precarious path.

Fellow grievers are around you right now – in support groups, online grief forums, and other venues frequented by those whose worlds have been altered by loss. Already on the grief journey, they can be wonderfully supportive.

PEOPLE WILL MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE

People will have a massive impact on you in times of loss.

Avoid hyper-critical judges who will only add to your pain.

Be aware of friends, relatives, or co-workers who mean well but can’t provide the support you need.

Watch out for fixers who won’t take your grief seriously.

Learn to recognize safe people and fellow grievers who can enter your pain and become hope-giving companions.

PEACE IN THE VALLEY/SHABBAT SHALOM~Self-Care; Castle Rock-WA

This painted picture perfectly [fits]; the air is clearing & breathing is easy, again.

The thick wildfire smoke has thinned, so Holland went into Kelso today - 

The clearest Day we've had in a week; the haze is clearing.

I stayed home & cleaned Independence's surfaces 🧼, and every corner 🧹: it needed it, and him being out-of-house if the only chance I get to do deep cleaning.

The houseplants were watered 🌱; and I spotted another leaf shooting up on the Amaryllis, I bought last November in Coalinga-CA … this will probably be the last watering this plant will get until October, some time. I've never tried to get an Amaryllis to rebloom - so I'm curiously excited about the prospect 🧐🙏😁

Amaryllis leaves' 2nd sprouting, since February; I have high hopes for December blossoms.

I even had time to fit a stretching workout 🧘, in; I had been stretching, bending, & reaching overhead, while cleaning … but I wanted to target specific muscle groups. I also included alternate chair assist exercises to match the worksheet rundown:

At 70 (which I will be, in December), the goal of exercising the body is functional strength and mobility, not maximal strength. Support-assist movements improve balance, leg power, and independence while minimizing joint stress. Heavy sumo squats (like those in strength-level standards for women) are not recommended without medical clearance and proper training Strength Level. Bottom line: For a 70-year-old woman, a safe starting point is 10–15 bodyweight sumo squats x1–2 sets … or 10–15 chair squats, x2–3 times per week, progressing slowly as tolerated. Always prioritize form and stop if you feel pain. Key safety points: Form over weight (1) Keep knees tracking over toes, avoid inward collapse, and maintain a neutral spine Pain is a stop signal: If you feel sharp pain in knees, hips, or back, stop and adjust form or reduce load (2) Progress gradually: Increase reps, sets, or weight slowly to allow muscles and joints to adapt. (3) Listen to your body: If you have knee, hip, or back conditions, consult a healthcare provider before starting or increasing intensity.

10–15 reps EA Exercise x1–2 sets

Alternative: Chair Assist Sumo Squat-Raised Heel~Aim for 10-15 EA side x2

Standing Side Leg Lifts~Aim for 10–15 reps EA side x2

Alternative: Chair-Assist Side Lunge~Aim for 10-15 EA side x2

Alternative: Standing Assist Fire Hydrant~Aim for 10-15 EA side x2

Alternative: Chair-assist Butt Kicks~Aim for 10-15 EA leg x2

Alternative: Standing Chair-Assist Ab Abductions~Aim for 10–15 reps EA side x2

After stretching exercises, I thought I'd work up a new broom-handle-cobweb duster; the one I have is still useful, but it is from my previous life … and in this Life, I want to start fresh.

So, I went online to track down a pattern (my old pattern cache is long gone):

CROCHET BROOM HANDLE COBWEB DUSTER: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2026/08/crochet-broom-handle-cobweb-duster.html)

And, I finished one novel 📕; and started another 📖 …

New Read; Clive Cussler Novel - love Clive … he's always a good cuddle buddy.

By this time, Holland was pulling in: we caught up on each other's Day 💞, ate a light supper 🥣, and relaxed.

It's been a good Day; there has been peace in the valley.

Shabbat Eve ✡️☝️ ✝️ was ushered in with peace & contentment: I like that 😁

CROCHET BROOM HANDLE COBWEB DUSTER; Castle Rock-WA

Crochet Broom Handle Cobweb Buster

Holland was gone for a couple hours today ,,, so, I took that time to clean Independence's surfaces 🧼, and every corner 🧹: the spiders have been making little artistic appearances - it was time to serve them an eviction notice 📝🕷 with the yarn covered 🧶 end of my broomstick 😉

Dropping the trusty crocheted 20-year-old (yes, it really is that old, but still useable) dusty, web-swathed duster, into the laundry hamper 🧺 … I thought a second web duster might come in handy; so, I went online 💻 and found a pattern 😊

This pattern is for the most part posted in the original pattern layout - then only addition I've made, is the explanation of pattern terms.

Approximate Time: 30 minutes max

Supplies: 1 oz worsted weight yarn either cotton or acrylic * US H crochet hook * tapestry needle

Terms:

ch = chain

sc = single crochet

blo = back loop only

Size: Approximately 6 inches tall

Tube Instructions:

Rnd 1: Starting at top, ch 2, 6 sc in 2nd ch from hook (6 sc)

Note 1: Do not join rounds. Mark first stitch of each round if necessary.

Rnd 2: 2 sc in blo of each stitch around (12sc)

Rnds 3-5: Sc in blo of each stitch around (12sc)

Note 2: At this point try it on a broom handle. It should fit fairly snug. If it fits too loose, switch to a smaller hook for the remainder of the tube.

Rnds 6-19: Sc in each st around. Tube should be approximately 6 inches long. Slip stitch in next 2 sc.

Break off and weave in end.

Loops:

Join yarn with a slipstitch in first unworked loop of round 1. Chain 12, slip stitch in next unworked loop. Continue working chain 12 and slipstitch in next unused loop until you reach the start of round 6. (40 loops)

Break off and weave in end.

Place on broom handle and dust those cobwebs away. Shake and wash.

~Pattern By Suzie from Bellingham, WA: 

(http://suzies-yarnie-stuff.blogspot.com/2006/08/broom-handle-duster-pattern.html)

THE END OF BIRTH TOURISM IN THE USA~2026 Historical Law Passed

PRAISE THE LORD!

I've been waiting for this Day since the 1970's - Thank You, JESUS 👏

Birthright Tourism Officially Banned~2026

Specific groups of people ineligible, for birthright citizenship. Period.

Decades of fraudulent LAWLESSNESS, ended, today.

Birth Tourism Permanently BANNED in the USA

American CITIZENS finally put at the head of the pack. Thank God.

{{Fact Sheet: President Donald J. Trump Ends Birth Tourism and Protects the Meaning and Value of American Citizenship

The White House~August 6, 2026

SAFEGUARDING AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP AND ENDING BIRTH TOURISM: Today, President Donald J. Trump signed two Executive Orders to continue to protect the meaning and value of American citizenship after Trump v. Barbara.  

The first Executive Order non-exhaustively identifies certain categories of children of aliens who are not entitled to birthright citizenship consistent with historical exceptions to birthright citizenship recognized by the Supreme Court in Barbara.

The second Executive Order delegates presidential authorities to the Secretary of State and Secretary of Homeland Security and directs them to halt the practice of birth tourism.

PROTECTING THE VALUE OF AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP: President Trump recognizes that the privilege of United States citizenship is a priceless and profound gift.  

American citizenship embodies a sacred bond between the American people and their Nation, and carries profound rights, privileges, and responsibilities.

On June 30, 2026, the Supreme Court ruled in Trump v. Barbara that the Constitution extends the privilege of citizenship to children born to parents in the United States “for whom no extraterritorial fiction applie[s].”

After the Supreme Court’s decision in Barbara, the Administration continues to guard against efforts to obtain citizenship by malign foreign actors and other categories of aliens whom the Supreme Court recognized are ineligible for birthright citizenship under historically recognized exceptions.

The Administration upholds the integrity of the Nation’s immigration system by denying the entry of birth tourists who often work with malign syndicates to evade immigration laws and who plan to exploit their temporary admission to obtain American citizenship.

PUTTING AMERICANS FIRST AND RESTORING THE IMMIGRATION SYSTEM: President Trump has delivered on his promise to fix the immigration system, prioritize American citizens, and protect U.S. citizenship.

In his first week back in office, President Trump signed an Executive Order invoking a crisis at the Southern Border and taking immediate action to end the Biden Administration’s record-shattering illegal immigration into the U.S.

For 15 straight months, no illegal aliens have been released into the country.

The Trump Administration launched an unprecedented denaturalization surge targeting those who fraudulently obtained U.S. citizenship.

To date, the Trump Administration has filed claims against 88 individuals who received U.S. citizenship but were ineligible.

The Trump Administration has deported over 3 million illegal aliens, including thousands convicted for violent crimes. 

The Trump Administration strengthened visa programs and their screenings and paused visa processing for 75 high-risk countries to protect the homeland and deter overstays.

The Trump Administration terminated taxpayer funded benefits for over 1.4 million illegal aliens improperly receiving public assistance and banned illegal aliens from more than a dozen taxpayer-funded healthcare programs.

The Trump Administration reformed the citizenship test to better assess aliens’ understandings of American history, government, and values, and better ensure aliens meet all eligibility requirements.

The Trump Administration moved to purge tens of thousands of illegal aliens from states’ voter rolls and are working to ensure they cannot vote in U.S. elections – a right protected for only Americans.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/fact-sheets/2026/08/fact-sheet-president-donald-j-trump-ends-birth-tourism-and-protects-the-meaning-and-value-of-american-citizenship/ }}

Happy Days. Hallelujah.

CASEY ROAD~Self-Care; Castle Rock-WA

We both woke up with cabin fever this morning, so Holland suggested we go for a drive 🚘 after our coffee mugs ☕️ were drained - he didn't have to repeat himself 😉

Coffee mugs rinsed, I grabbed my camera … and off we went 📸

The sun was making some headway through the lingering smoke ☀️, and the Day was unfolding with warm smiles & tender mercies 💕

Holland asked me if I'd ever been up Ph 10 - just out of the main portion of Castle Rock; I said that I had, many times, but I would like to drive that way again and see if anything has changed much: there were several new buildings up - and going up. We drove to the end of the county road, and backtracked. Both sharing our individual stories of our separate drives there over the years.

Ph 10 Road, Castle Rock-WA from Toutle River RV Resort, Castle Rock-WA; via I-5 S & Ph 10~9 min (6.1 miles)

We backtracked a bit down Ph 10 to Gassmann Road, where Holland made a left turn that would take us out past the Castle Rock High School, towards Chapman Road. As we passed that turn, Holland said, "We'll catch that on the way back. Have you ever been up Casey Road?" I said I hadn't. We both smiled at each other. I like new experiences - and Holland likes giving them to me 👏

Chapman Road was paved for a couple miles - then the blacktop ended and it reverted back to a gravel logging road 🌳🌲 for the rest of the duration.

Gravel roads & I are friends.

I've never met an old country road I didn't immediately like 😃

And this was a new road for me!

Casey Road, Castle Rock-WA from Ph 10 Road, Castle Rock-WA; via Gassmann Road & Westside Hwy~9 min (6.2 miles)

I was excited - and happy my husband is sharing another one of his special places with me 💕

We saw a Discovery Pass Notification.

We noticed posting against target practicing, on the lower elevations. There are houses spread out; and there are hiking and bike trails at various turnouts.

We also spotted 2 electrical hookup boxes - which means civilization is encroaching on the wilderness. When and where the housing construction will begin, is a guess … but, the presence of those metal boxes are a testimony to the certainty that it is coming.

A steep 1,319 ft. escalation in elevation; Casey Road, Castle Rock-WA

We explored both the upper & lower roads of the 39.36 mile route.

Upper road spurs.

There are hiking & biking trails along this road.

The smoky wildfire haze, is still in evidence …

And so is the prospect of future housing.

That little exploration, in new territory, was fun.

We drove the Chapman Road loop - Holland showed me where he used to fish, & I showed him where some friends used to live. It was a pleasant remembrance drive back to Castle Rock, & home.

I'm glad the Day went so well: today is the 1st Deathiversary of his brother Scott's sudden death, last August. I don't know how Holland was feeling - but, I was glad whatever he was feeling wasn't gloomy.

Chapman Road, Castle Rock-WA from Casey Road, Castle Rock-WA; via Westside Hwy and Chapman Rd~6 min (3.3 miles)

The Cowlitz River along Chapman Road, Castle Rock-WA

Toutle River RV Resort, Castle Rock-WA from Chapman Road, Castle Rock-WA; via I-5 N~11 min (7.0 miles)

Back home, Holland relaxed by viewing his internet linkup channels (man stuff); and I slid into the spare room to do a short internet workout 💻🧘

5-Minute Belly Fat Burning Monk Secret~Lose 10 Pounds of Menopause Belly Fat: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfX8KcYT0Js)

Now, I'm going to work on finishing the Fargo adventure tonight:

Only 10 chapters left …

A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD: Castle Rock-WA

It is said that a kiss on the forehead is the ultimate symbol of protection, tenderness, and affection. It is a gesture that represents a deep kind of love - one that goes beyond physical or erotic love expressed through a kiss on the lips.

But why?

When someone kisses you on the forehead, it is often said that they are kissing your soul. This idea, rooted in Cartesian philosophy, is based on the belief that just behind the forehead, in the center of the brain, lies a small gland called the pineal gland. It is believed to be the direct gateway to the soul of the person receiving the kiss.

PLANS CHANGED~Self-Care; Castle Rock-WA

I heard my watch alarm go off - and I ignored it for another hour's worth of zzz's: my eyes were burning & tearing with an allergic reaction to the outside atmosphere. Even inside, you cannot fully escape it. It literally hurt to open my eyes, so I prolonged it as long as I could, knowing that even with sleeping in, I'd still be able to make my noon gathering of friends … outside atmosphere permitting. When it went off for the 6th time, Holland came upstairs and wiggled my feet to shake me fully awake, & said, "You might want to rethink leaving the house, today: it looks pretty bad out there."

128 = This means that while the air may not be immediately dangerous for the average healthy person, it can still cause health effects in certain vulnerable populations. Holland & I fall into the [vulnerable] sector of society: asthma (me) & COPD (him).

Sure enough … when I moved downstairs in sloth mode, I saw that the smoky atmosphere would not be healthy to be out in. So, I made myself some coffee, watched traffic, and missed the friends I planned on spending time with, this afternoon.

Plans changed.

'You might want to rethink leaving the house, today …'; the smokey haze looks like Fall fog.

Risky air quality & rising temperatures; humidity 62 percent. Cautions for sensitive health situations. Limit outdoor activity and keep windows closed if you struggle with asthma, bronchitis, or other respiratory conditions. People with heart issues should monitor their symptoms and avoid strenuous exercise outdoors.

Rinsing my coffee mug, I got to thinking that I could still stretch my muscles in a relaxed way - instead of working with weights, or pushing the envelope with cardio activity … I could engage in hand acupressure, and feet stretches; these light exercises as just as important as the other:

Darebee Pressure Point Workout: Use pressure point therapy to totally revitalize your body and mind and turn a pressured day at the office into a much more relaxed, controlled affair:

Base of the Thumb: Linked to the head, neck, lungs, and respiratory system. Benefits: Relieves headaches, sinus pain, asthma symptoms, and congestion; can also aid deep breathing and relaxation.

Center of the Palm (Heart Point): Associated with emotions and the heart. Benefits: Reduces stress, anxiety, and emotional pain; promotes calmness.

Upper Palm (just below fingers): Connected to the digestive system. Benefits: Helps with bloating, nausea, and general digestive discomfort.

Lower Palm (above wrist): Reflects the stomach, liver, gallbladder, and spleen. Benefits: Supports digestion, detoxification, and can ease stomach pain.

Thumb Pad & Outer Edge: Related to the brain, eyes, ears, and mouth. Benefits: Relieves mental tension, supports sensory clarity, and can ease headaches.

Index & Middle Fingers: Linked to the uterus and reproductive system. Benefits: May help with menstrual discomfort or hormonal shifts.

Ring & Pinky Fingers: Connected to the intestines and kidneys. Benefits: Can soothe bloating, lower back tension, and kidney-related discomfort.

Darebee Footwork Workout: A regular foot stretch workout can have multiple positive effects on seniors, helping maintain mobility, reduce pain, and support independence. Strong, flexible feet provide a more stable base, which is essential for preventing falls. Stretching helps maintain the range of motion in toes, arches, and ankles, allowing smoother, more confident steps. Stretching loosens tight muscles and tendons, which can relieve discomfort from conditions like plantar fasciitis, arthritis, or bunions. It also reduces strain on joints by improving muscle flexibility. Gentle foot movements and stretches promote blood flow to the extremities, which can help prevent stiffness and support overall vascular health. By keeping toes and arches flexible, foot stretches make walking easier and reduce the need for compensatory movements in the knees, hips, and back. For seniors with peripheral neuropathy, gentle foot stretches can improve circulation and reduce discomfort. In short, a foot stretch workout for seniors is a low-cost, accessible way to improve balance, reduce pain, and keep feet strong and flexible, all of which contribute to safer, more comfortable daily living.

Hands and feet tended to, I poured another cup of coffee & opened my latest Read, to pick up where I let off last night before the sandman made his appearance. Today's continuing adventure with the Fargo's, takes me to Sawara, Japan: pronounced as SAH' WAH RAH' (a's are soft).

Continuing my tropical jungle adventure with the Fargo's.

Zigzagging from Honiara, Solomon Islands to Sawara, Japan & back, again.

And, in between globe-trotting chapters, I played footsies with my husband & pulled a colorfully tasty meal together:

Chris Stapleton & Dua Lipa: 'Think I’m In Love With You' song:  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFyCSDzn2Q0)

VAL'S CHICKEN-RICE-BELL PEPPER CASSEROLE for 2; Castle Rock-WA:  (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2026/08/vals-chicken-rice-bell-pepper-casserole.html)

Despite the atmospheric hobbling and the politically motivated "climate change!" hysteria, generated by wildfires which are the direct result of the lawlessness foisted on us by the shamelessly pandering socialist demonrats now morphing into full-on communists - bent on leaving nothing in their wake but scorched earth … it's been a pretty okay kind of Day, here, in our small corner of the world.

We've been somewhat tethered the past couple of days, by the smoky condition outside; but, Holland says the weatherman is promising brighter, cleaner, days ahead.