I am SO GLAD I stumbled across this Podcast - it is helping me, in so many ways, to understand my husband.
Holland and I come from very different backgrounds; and both backgrounds are complex ones. Our love languages can (and have been for the first 22 months of marriage) be confusing, misunderstood, disjointed, and mystifying: the fallouts were not dealt with well at all - by either of us. It wasn't until recently … last month, as a matter of fact, that "the lights came on" with both of us.
And these Podcast episodes have been part of those "aha!" moments.
Holland's love language is "doing": he cooks to show his affection; he gifts people to show his appreciation; he does impromptu surprises to love on people. These things made me uncomfortable because they stirred up trigger moments in my personal life - my family was very dysfunctional in their marriages; my mother and sister, & Bob's brother and sisters, had very bad marriages where domestic violence was an every weekend occurrence … "dates" at fancy restaurants where dim lighting was used, hid blackened eyes; gifting was always a follow-up to a beating up; and surprise vacations were used to overlook adulteries.
Holland's love language - though vastly different from afore mentioned occurrence in my past life, made me uncomfortable. Now, I am used to them. I know he will never misuse my body. He will never cheat on me. He does, however, have past trauma's of his own he is working through - and we will get through that tangled mess, together.
My love language too, is doing - but in a "touchy-feely" way: a touch in passing, an impromptu kiss, an exuberant hug (as well as my wifey duties, which I happily do: laundry, dishes, shared cooking, & various house frau things) … because of his dysfunctional, and twisted view of marriage; these things made him uncomfortable; and his immediate and twitchy rebuffing, made me testy. Now, he is used to what he refers to as "you're a female; you're emotional" actions are welcomed, and he's becoming comfortable with touches, kisses, hugs, and the various haus frau things - that do not come with strings attached: I do them simply because I love and appreciate his presence in my life.
And, I - who was very much an "I don't trust anyone except Elohim and myself", "I can do it myself", and perceiving back pocket {impromptu} gifts as "ownership brands" … am learning to relax and bask in Holland's love & loving administrations/ and likewise, for him, too - for the same reasons. Because there are no hidden agendas, or strings attached, we are enjoying mutual pampering spoiling; it is good to be appreciated simply for being alive 😉 👩❤️💋👨
TGW Podcast Episode 3 | Love Languages:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojDTmh_YXcw)
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