TOUGH DAYS~TOUGH ENOUGH; Ocean Park-WA

Sunday, June 1st: This morning, I didn't get to bed until 6 AM … Holland & I are doing split shift sleeping: he went to be around 10 PM, and didn't stir - or wake up until 6 AM. I fell into 🛌 when he vacated, & 😴 until noon.

This sleeping pattern actually works better for us both; I've always been a night-owl … and I've noticed that Holland sleeps through several hours of uninterrupted sleep when he has the bed to himself. I don't mind - he needs the sleep.

And I tend to {travel} the bed when I'm in it: frequent tossing and turning, and sometimes crowding. Even in a super-sized king bed, I'm usually smack-dab in the center, snuggled against my husband. I prefer snuggling … Holland prefers open space around his body, and sprawling arms and legs from edge to edge. I slept alone from September 2018 to January 7th, 2023; I can do it again.

Holland wants [space].

I finding I'm also needing the [space].

The current sleeping arrangement is working for the [space].

When I woke up, I decided to make a trip to Longview to buy some groceries at Winco. Refills were needed for a couple spices, and I wanted some fresh sliced pepper bacon - among other things on my List.

Glittery eyeshadows in Nude, Copper & Green; Auburn Brow Gel; Green Mascara; a blending of Pink & Coral liquid blushes; Pink Sand Lipstick.

Surfing the internet while Holland finishes his coffee; I like how the greens bring out the green on my Hazel eyes.

Longview-WA from Ocean Park-WA; 1 hr 41 min (79.4 mi) via US-30 E

Holland drove me into Longview; Betsy is his true 'Baby', and he is particular about mileage and how she is handled (he really believes that the 4x is "too much" for me to handle; she's not, but it's not worth arguing over) - so, I let him drive. And, of course the air inside Betsy's cab was blue with self-righteous steam billowing out of his ears, nose, and mouth, from start to finish. I let him rail (when he's on a roll, there's no stopping him anyways). Nearing the outskirts of Longview, I finally said, "We've been over all this for 2 solid years - I'm tired of the same arguments over the same people. I'm tired of the sneaky behavior when you spend time with them. I'm tired of the shark bite attacks when I find out what you lied to me about. I'm just plain t.i.r.e.d. of the never-ending crazy train ride. The point is that no matter where we go, or decide to settle, Kelso & Woodland will always be with us because you can't cut yourself loose. And I don't want that baggage mucking up my life. Your life is tied to my life, no matter how you want to spin it. You want to claim your right to be wrong … so, be wrong. I claim the right to jump out of the fire. You want a separate life, have at it. I'm tired of this never ending fighting over people I don't know - except for what you tell me; people I've met & don't like: first impressions have lasting effects; and people I don't want to know, on principle. So, I am finally agreeable - we have nothing in common other than those 18 months of friendship before we got married. I didn't know then that you were such a tyrant 👺😡. I need space from this entire situation 😟💔."

It didn't take long to gather the things I wanted from Winco. I was surprised to find that most of what I was after has been phased out - we've been gone from this region a long time, and maybe the store underwent management changes; but things were really different. So, I'll be looking for an alternative bulk foods supplier. I already know where to go for meats no longer available at this store.

I loaded the meager groceries into Betsy's back cab, and climbed into the passenger seat. Settled comfortably, I reached for my phone and researched stores closer to Ocean Park that might offer what was lacking in Longview's Winco. Two stores came up in my search … and they are in Seaside-OR.

Seaside is closer to Ocean Park than Longview is - about an hour closer: so, that's a possibility 🤔 I'd have to cross that horrible Astoria-Megler Bridge twice; but the coastal drive would be a nice drive. I'll be checking that out.

When a fresh argument threatened to break out on our way home, coming into Graysriver, I slipped a Joel Chernoff disc into the CD player. I wanted to wind my day up with a calming atmosphere: 4 hours of fighting is very tiring.

The CD's soothing songs lasted all the way back to Ocean Park … and into the night 🕊️:

Joel Chernoff - 'The Restoration of Israel' Full Album:  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezjCn-M1Fec&list=OLAK5uy_kNVKng95W10t6jG4YvrNqctRbCcpD6mgE)

Each new day is an opportunity to mold a brighter future: one decision, one thought, and one moment at a time 🩹

Better Days lay ahead.

I bought food today, that is good for my whole well-being.

And after Holland went to bed tonight, I worked on toning my muscles 🏋️‍♀️

I am tough enough to embrace the change 🙏, cherish the growth ✝️ 📖, and firmly hold onto the promise of better tomorrows.