October 6th, 2025: This morning we were up bright and early, had our coffee's drank … and on our way to Visalia before 8 AM to do some grocery shopping. We do have grocery stores closer, but there are things at Winco that others stores do not carry - and that was why we we on the freeway to Visalia 😉
I had time to get dolled up, so that's what I did before we left Independence:
It was a nice drive - sunny & carefree.
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And we talked. About a lot of things, but mostly about how helping those we love can actually do more harm than good; when the topic of siblings came up, and that led to the discussion on both our siblings … and my children/grandchildren.
For once Holland listened and didn't condemn me for the decision I made in my Life to step back and letting them learn how to live on their own. Sometimes the best way to love someone is to allow them to struggle.
I was always an enabler … since I was 11 months old.
Holland is also an enabler.
I stopped enabling in 2019: and I've never regretted it.
I don't care if people think I'm a bitch: at this stage of my Life, I just don't want to be dealing with anyone else's crazy bullshit right now - I have my own issues I am dealing with; and 50% of those things I am dealing with are the direct result of mistreatment from my siblings & children. I don't like being told how to feel, think, act, or talk; especially by lazy siblings & ungrateful adult children who think they can run me, just because the demonrats tell them that they can. The fact that they mistreat me while trying to guilt me into paying their way through life from cradle to grave, pisses me off. So, realizing they were becoming obnoxious, spoiled, overgrown brats … I stopped enabling. I stopped throwing $$$$$ towards bad decisions made by irresponsible people. I stopped being available for grab the money & run brats. I decided that it was now my turn to enjoy the fruits of the hard earned $$$$$ Bob & I made & squirreled away. I determined to live the remaining years of my life on earth having fun and exploring all I can, while I can. Without unwarranted, and unwanted, bitter vitriol heaped on me from bitter people dealing with self-imposed angsts they refuse to correct.
And I'm at that point with my husband, too, who has never had to tow the line and behave. I understand that he has suffered - and still suffers with traumatic brain injury. But I also understand that that is no excuse for bad behavior. He behaves badly when he wants his own way, because he has been allowed to: he has never had to answer to anyone, for anything, at any time. Things have changed.
I deserve better.
I expect better.
I will have better.
Holland isn't there yet with his [responsibilities], but at least he is listening now, without the usual "you hate everybody!" And he is slowly coming to the realization that try as he will, he cannot rescue people bent on self-destruction. It's really hard for him to accept the that he is not responsible for rescuing Mark (his only remaining sibling) from bad decisions. Mark doesn't want the interference - he will listen … and then, do the complete opposite. Holland can do his best to clear all the obstacles, offer unwanted advice, and rush in to pick up financial slack - but, at the end of the Day, people only change when they want to; or are forced to because they have to.
I get why Holland feels like he's responsible to make sure Mark's life is cushy and carefree: I used to do that too, for my siblings and my adult children. But all it got me was grief. And all it is getting my husband, is grief. He is going to have to come to the place where he steps back and let's Mark grow up (Mark is 61 years old), find the strength within himself to step up and be responsible for his own decisions concerning his life. Let him make his own mistakes that he will learn hard lessons from, as he comes into his own.
Anyway: when we got to Visalia, we got our shopping done … then explored a bit. Winco is in a different part of Visalia that neither of us have ever been in, before; it's a very nice community. I think we've covered just about every corner of Visalia-CA now - over the past 24 months we've visited to go grocery shopping, passed through while visiting Holland's relatives, and we even stayed at the KOA at one time; but this is a different part & it's very nice.
As the purchases were being loaded into Betsy's back seat area, I said to Holland that the air actually felt like a warm Fall Day - it even smelled like a warm Fall Day. In california, where there doesn't seem to be any seasonal changes at all, except for store displays. It felt nice. It smelled nice. I was pleasantly surprised 😊
Leaving Winco, we saw what looked like a mock old west main street, so we drove that way to see what we could see. I was thinking maybe it was a roadside museum or something - there was built up old-west facades, a train Xing sign post, and a plaque of some sort … but it was a private residence! Very weird; but this homeowner got very creative with his back yard.
Back home, purchases were put away; and the raw peanuts I bought Friday afternoon had dried out enough to be air fried.
It was a new experience, but honestly not worth the hassle - this will not be a repeat experience:
Between frying batches of nuts, I posted a few more links to Monday Blog Hops, and saw that 2 of my posts from last Monday had been featured on 2 Blog Hops Link Parties; I like that my design patterns are shooting across the globe & that people like them. These patterns are free, and I'm okay with that:
And, I worked some more on self-care & personal growth.
Believers often talk loosely about "wrestling with God", as though He was an unwilling partner. The truth of the matter is that we are the unwilling ones - and Elohei may have to wrestle with us.
Elohei is willing … but we are sluggish; or even reluctant. We wrestle with ourselves, perhaps even to pray. We are up against Lucifer - who will do his level best to distract us, or fill our minds with the idea that prayer is useless.
That is a lie - prayer is our strongest defense; prayer is where Elohim meets us, and the power that moves mountains.
We must prevail over all such suggestions, and hold on to the faithful One who wants to bless us: and bless others (specifically our spouse), through us.
As 8:47 PM drew nearer, I got my camera from Betsy's cab and scanned the sky - spotting the moon behind the tall leafy tree tops: the 1st Supermoon of the Fall-Winter Season.
The moon showed beautifully … and I did not suffer a face-plant, this year; no matching eyebrow gash 😉
I'm so glad I was able to see it, tonight 😁👏 The moon craters were clearly visible - but there is so much stirred up dust in the atmosphere, that the craters couldn't be caught on film.
The moon is simply beautiful tonight, and this aging moon child is in awe.
