I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It's a hell of a situation that either of us can breathe easy in environments that are good for either of us - but not both of us 😳🤔
AZ State dust devils kept us inside; sick with lung fever the entire time we were there. We were there in the winter months to "enjoy the sun's warmth": the sun came out, and it felt good - so did the devil winds, which weren't enjoyable. Holland refuses to live in AZ during the Spring or Summer months because, "it's hotter than Hell, and we won't be able to breathe there." Breathing the air in AZ, it seems, won't be happening with us … any time of the year 😔
WA State pollen - and the humid rainforest environment … which keeps the pollen at nose level, year round … has kept us inside with itchy, runny eyes & runny noses, whiplash sneezing, sore throat coughing, stuffy noses, mucus loogies, constant fatigue, and nausea since we got here in April; add the month-long rainfall, and it's been miserable ☔️😕🤮🛌😟
Despite Holland's claims that "we can breathe better, here" - ((I)) am not noticing 😡 that marvelous experience. I visually see Holland is still hawking and spitting loogies into a spit bottle, wiping his runny nose, coughing like a cat with fur ball stuck in it's throat, and eating my cough drops like hard candy; I am not seeing him breathing any easier than before 🙄, but I am noticing him burning up the highway between here and Kelso: which, is really the reason we are here, in WA State.
I am suffering asthma misery's because he can't bring himself to cut apron strings 😟
Holland has been outside our 4 walls several times a week (grocery shopping, wave watching, and weekly daytrips to Kelso-WA to visit with his family & friends, there): all totaled, I have only been able to venture outside the 4 walls, maybe, a dozen times. I am understandably cranky - I've been carrying Kleenex 🤧 around with me, e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y., for the past 6 weeks.
95% housebound - half of that, sleeping my life away, fatigued.
Full out survival mode.
I do not want to be in fight or flight mode when awake!
I want to be able to enjoy Life, fully.
WA State may be a better environment for my husband … but, it is not a [better environment] for me 😕
I've spent 95% of my time in WA, in bed because I'm worn out just trying to survive the pollen-laden-assault on my lungs ☔️🥱🌺🛌💤
I cannot effectively get this point across to Holland 😑
Hence, this morning's blowout.
It didn't need to be a huge blowout, but it was, because Holland stayed up watching YouTube videos & movies until 6 AM, and only got about 3 hours of sleep before his alarm went off at 10 AM (he laid awake for an hour rehashing the crap he fed his brain with before stumbling to bed).
He woke up cranky.
Which triggered my cranky 😭😤
And had Holland reaching for Betsy's keys, so he could beat a hasty retreat - down to the ocean to watch the waves.
Big Mama Thornton - 'Ball N' Chain' song:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TixL6Tycgho)
WA State has never been friendly to my lungs.
There has got to be someplace in America where we can set pegs and breathe the air easily!
This running from place to place to find agreeable comfort for our struggling lungs, is ridiculous.
Looking out my window's & watching deer meander across the gravel in front of Independence this morning, I am sick of being sick and tired.
I watched 2 deer this morning; walked up behind Betsy - alongside Independence, which caught my attention; Ocean Park-WA
I am sick and tired of fighting with a husband who has the unbendable mindset of a neanderthal.
I want to be able to breathe without my lungs seizing up.
There has got to be someplace in America that will be acceptable for both of our lung issues 🙏
I want a peaceful home environment 👩❤️💋👨
*********************
Being strong is not something that was always clear to me, it is something that I learned along the way, in moments where I had no other option.
I remember when everything seemed to fall apart. The expectations I had for life were not met and the people I trusted the most disappointed me. It was there that I understood that I couldn't depend on others to feel complete or safe. I learned that true strength is born when you face loneliness, and instead of feeling weak, you decide to turn that loneliness into your ally.
Life taught me that pain is not an enemy. Life taught me that crying does not make you less strong, on the contrary, it gives you the ability to feel deeply and heal. In every tear lies a lesson, a reminder that, after the storm, calm always comes.
Being strong is not about keeping quiet about what hurts you, it is about speaking firmly about your fears and accepting them. It's not about pretending that everything is fine, it's about accepting that there are bad days, but not letting those days define you.
I have learned that it is not about not falling, but about how you get up. And you don't always do it immediately, sometimes it takes time, but the important thing is not to stay on the ground. I have fallen many times, I have stumbled over my own mistakes and the difficulties that life has put in front of me, but each time I have gotten up more confident in who I am.
Being strong is understanding that self-love is the basis of everything. You can't expect others to fill the gaps that only you can fill. I learned to be my best friend, to be kind to myself on my worst days, and to celebrate every little achievement, because it's those moments that remind me how much I've grown.
What taught me to be strong was life itself, with all its imperfections and challenges. And although I still have a lot to learn, I know that as long as I maintain that inner strength, I can handle anything that comes.
Keep Following Life’s Journey.
~Amira Mouzaki
Randy Stonehill - 1976 'Welcome To Paradise' ~ Full Album: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aMlShFS6c8&list=PLPcTOx34g9XQeEtTw-2zRd8rJEs3i9Y_d)
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