MESSIANIC FELLOWSHIP; Shabbat Eve~Fortuna-AZ

I woke up to the resident crowing rooster, Mr. Handsome; watching the fat & sassy quail race across the graveled yard, and peace-affirming doves touching down.

I love the slo-mo vibe of Arizona :-D

Around noon, an explosion behind us shook Independence: we never did find out what happened - but it was loud, and it was violently explosive like dynamite. It was a strange occurrence.

I had made plans to attend a Messianic Fellowship around 6:30 PM … so, I started getting ready for that around 4:30 PM:

Sparkly 'Hard Candy'; 1st color for browline, 8th color for eyeshadow & both liners; 'Auburn' Brow Gel; 'Glam Brown' Mascara; 'Neutre Enflamme' Crème Blush; 'Cherry Flash' glittery Lipgloss & 'White Diamonds' perfume.

Walking from Independence, to Betsy, I saw the moon showing itself in the twilight sky … tonight is Friday the 13th; I sent an S.O.S. heavenward asking for gracing mercy on my travel from here to there ;-)

Not quite a 'Full Moon', tonight; tomorrow it will be a FULL Full Moon ;-)

Sunset, on the freeway towards Yuma-AZ

Enroute, I spotted a strange little cactus - I have no idea what it is: and Google was not at all helpful when I got back home :-(

A weird cacti … sorry about the blurred-cropped pic; I was trying to capture it in frame while inching forward.

I eventually reached my destination; and met some real nice people.

It is always enjoyable to study The Word with like-minded people; and Messianic Fellowship is always joyous :-)

I reached my destination.

Joel Chernoff - 'Jew & Gentile' lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJZfd-PLEF0)

And, when asked hypothetically asked how I would share Yeshua with someone who asked me if God is real (this was a Bible Study question, tonight, in relation to Scripture read and discussed) … I said, "I know exactly how I would tell how I know Yeshua is real"; and I shared Bob's awesome & awe inspiring salvation testimony: as well as the reality of my 2 "you'll never have natural children of your own" grandchildren that Elohim, Himself blessed me with" - the testimony I shared at Jake's October 2022 Revival gathering that upset the dark-hearted-Oak Point minions, 2 years ago.

Yeshua wasn't welcome at Oak Point-WA; and I was told by the {Godless Board} flat-out to "leave, and don't come back!"

The weak-spirited people that gave ear to jeannie paulson's & luroy douglas's poisonous twaddle, and stayed away from the meetings because they blew up their phones and filled their itching ears with vicious gossip that had no basis at all in reality … missed out on friendly fellowship, good teaching, fun music, and truthful testimonies.

Yeshua was welcomed in Yuma-AZ tonight; and tonight's Leadership invited me back.

The people gathered tonight were strong in spirit, earnest in prayer, fun & friendly to be with, eager to share good teaching, inclusive to strangers, and enjoyed hearing about the faithfulness of Elohim's promise to those who believe.

BIG difference between those who say they "love God" … and those who actually do love God.

It felt good to be among Believer's again.

It was encouraging to read The Word, share wisdom & knowledgeable insights, and uphold one another in love, laughter, & prayer. I have missed this - and I am thankful that Elohim is faithful to provide for all my needs.

Two and a half hours I was back home, and Holland was making surly pet remarks … but that was okay: my drained battery had been recharged, and I was feeling perky: "People like me; all night long I heard how fun it was to get to know me, and what a pleasant person I am to be around." He said, "Is that right?" I replied, "Yes, 'that is right' - unlike your Godless Oak Point cronies, honest people actually do enjoy me, Holland. I am fun to be around. I am a good person for people to know: obviously, you are not a people … and that is why you are in the dog house room." He actually chuckled. Maybe the hard surface of his heart is starting to crack ;-)

My Earlier Today Post: I MISS MY HUSBAND; Fortuna-AZ: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2024/12/i-miss-my-husband-fortuna-az.html)

I MISS MY HUSBAND; Fortuna-AZ

I don't feel guilty missing Bob.

Holland has abdicated his role as Husband, in my Life.

To Holland, being "a Husband" is "being a pussified pet."

Anyone who knew Bob … knew he could never be considered "pussified" - nor was he "a domesticated pet" simply because he loved me, and showed that love to the world by favoring me over everyone else.

Holland "will never do that!", because he "refuses to be a domesticated pet!"

Holland should not have married me: he is not ready to be a Husband. And sticking strictly to the Redmill men motto and life habits … he may never be ready to be a husband. That is going to be sad for both of us.

And maybe that is why I am feeling at lose ends again - maybe that is why old memories are resurfacing and that imp Grief is poking hard at me again.

I miss my Husband - BOTH of them.

Holland & Me (Left = present Life)/Bob & Me (Right = past Life)

Holland's past history with his family, and friends, stole his love from me; and given the way he sounds when he puts them above me … I never really had it. It always belonged to them.

I don't mind sharing his table with them - but I do mind being regulated to last place at his table: if I'm invited to sit in, at all.

Physical death stole Bob's love from me. I had it for 44 years; completely.

December is my heart's cold and lonely month.

Darryl Worley - 'I Miss My Friend' lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_k8tY-v-y4)

Say their Name.

Honor the place they held in your Life.

Remember - not morosely, but with tender, passing grief.

12-13-2020 Blog Post: 'I PROMISED …':  (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/12/i-promised.html)

12-13-2019 Blog Post: 'COMFORT CARE DECISION - When I'm Gone':  (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/12/comfort-care-decision-when-im-gone.html)

Last year, December was not a hard month to get through - there were newlywed adjustments to be made, and Holland was trying to meet me halfway in those adjustments.

This year, for many reasons … those halfway adjustments have been halted, and he's no longer trying to make this marriage work. December has become very difficult for me to navigate - either awake, or trying to get a full night's rest.

I need space to adjust. Death is not a part of this December's cut-off, but love's gone, just the same.

Grief is grief, no matter what form ushers it in.

Tonight, I will fellowship and be part of a lively house setting: that will be tremendously refreshing, and help offset the dawning of December 14th - and the sorrowful nighttime memory flashbacks should ebb, too, as the 14th moves into the 15th and forward in time.

I'm praying this constant and unrepentant emotional chaos with Holland will not cause my heart to get stuck in 2018-2021 sorrow's grip, again.

Holland (not sure what slot he fits into at the moment = not a Husband; not really a Friend either at the moment, yet more than a companion: it's weird for me, 'normal' for Redmill 'family' mentality) has planned a day-long-exploratory adventure for Monday - seeing "what's left in AZ we haven't seen"; with hopes of visiting his Aunt Gaye in Kingman-AZ, before heading back to Fortuna-AZ

I don't know what will happen come January 2025; I just do the best I can 1 day at a time.