A new month.
New thoughts.
New hopes.
New possibilities.
New hurdles.
Holland asked me a question this morning - and my response was, "I'll be where Elohim wants me to be." The question was really generated in hopes that I would be in agreement with his wants. I'm not. I want out of WA State.
Yesterday, while drying to get dressed in the high humidity with my clothes fighting me every inch of the way over my damp skin, and my freshly washed and dried hair totally plastered to my head - looking in the end like it hadn't been washed at all, all I could think was: Well if, as Holland seems to think WA is the end game for our life together … then (1) Yeshua has to heal me so I can survive in WA's climate; I've been struggling to survive in WA's rainforest environment since 1965 - I'm growing weary of the struggle to stay alive in WA State (2) Elohim will have to change Holland's mind so he is open to a life beyond Kelso-WA; this will involve an honest {come to Jesus} moment with an honest salvation conversion - Holland will have to let go of self and embrace Elohim's Will (3) Holland gets a new wife; I'm ready to go Home - I've been ready since I was saved in 1965 … and WA State has been trying to kill me ever since my parents move us here in 1966, & very seriously since my first serious asthma attack in 1996. The way Holland is digging his heels in 🙄, I'm thinking #3 may be the pulled straw. And with his mind set on WA State … why are we even leaving in September to go to Brookings-OR???? The whole point of going to Brookings was to establish a rooted Life together. Together means Team Spirit.
But, [Team] to my husband means, he firmly decides … and I meekly follow.
That is not my understanding of Team. My understanding is that we, together (a team is made up of more than 1), plot a goal & plan a strategy where in agreement … we as a team, work towards what is best for US, as a whole.
I cannot breathe easy in WA State.
Holland cannot breath easy in any of the Southren States we have been in over the past 2 years.
Brookings-OR was the agreed upon "neutral" State. Or rather, it was, until we got back to WA and Kelso came into play, again 😟
I honestly am open to whatever Elohim has planned for my Life, & I am wise enough to understand that my wants and desires do not always mean I will get the results I pray for. Elohim knows best; and I will do what He has planned for me. I do not have to like it … but, I will eventually do it.
I just really pray that WA State does not figure into His Will 🙏 🤞
And I am honestly also aware that when my husband sets his mind on something he wants, he will try to coerce both me and Elohim to "come around" and do what he wants to do. Coercion always ends badly, but it's his way, and he has to learn lessons the hard way.
So, at this point, none of us is in agreement (not making assumptions concerning Elohim, but we aren't getting any green light signals, either) - our team is in disarray.
All that said …
Holland, no matter what we are facing or going through, is faithful to keep weekly [date outings]; sometimes I feel like participating, sometimes I don't - depending on the degree of heat during disagreements 😒: today I was participating 👩❤️💋👨
I trust Elohim's Plan for my Life.
I love my husband.
Today is the beginning of Shabbat - the establishment of peace for the next 24 hours.
As we were pulling out of the Park, Holland pointed out 2 little foraging fawns at the end of the gravel drive. Before I could get my camera ready to capture the moment, Holland fired Betsy's ignition up and they shot in different directions - I managed to capture 1 of them in frame, twice:
Holland paid space rent for August, then we were off to grab some eats in Long Beach … and drive to the Ilwaco Marina to sit and watch the water activity.
Then back home.
For more soul searching.
More agreeable married time.
More self care.
More spiritual reflection.
Elohim has a Plan for US 💖🕊️: I don't want to miss it fixating on the dysfunction team process 🤠🤦🏻♀️
