November 5th: While working on the little baby sweaters the other day, I was watching a movie about an Italian arranged marriage - I normally do not watch these types of movies because they usually revolve around muslim insanity; but this 2019 movie was about 2 Italian families in the 1950's: there would be no insane religious nonsense, no woman hating, no killings.
So, I watched, while I knitted.
Working 2 sweaters at same time.
PREEMIE/NB G ST BABY SWEATER ~ Knit: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/11/baby-sweater-knit.html)
And I thought some thoughts; while I watched as I knitted.
That includes US, too. Cutting & running is not God's Plan.
I found myself thinking that I, too, am in an arranged marriage that my Father planned - and expects me to honor. The same can be said about my husband, Holland; Elohim clued Holland in loooong ago - the arrangement was new to me, and totally unexpected when it came about. But, I settled into my new married life quickly because I had been a wife before, for 44 years (being single again was a shock to my system that required adjustment - remarriage, was not); Holland, on the other hand, took a long time to "settle in". He had been promised me for 3 decades before he actually got me - I was not a surprise to him … marriage in the Biblical sense (love unconditionally, honor & protect, stay, faithfulness on all levels …), was the shocker to his system. The Redmill males are not known for Christ-like loving, honoring their wives, sticking around when the going gets rough - or just plain sticking around after the ring is on the finger, honoring spousal ranking on familial totem poles, protecting hearts or emotions; in short, faithfulness in any regard, is an alien concept to the Redmill males. They all live fast, die young, and don't waste any time grabbing whatever they want in the meanwhile - married, or not. They all talk Scripture language very well; they are all engaged in some way in Christian deeds (soup kitchens, Bible studies, ministry of sorts, ect.) but, they do not know God in any sense of the true meaning. They behave as they do because they do not fear consequences from a God so far removed from their understanding of busy activity. They are fearless in their ego-driven machismo. They don’t HOW to love is the problem. They just don’t know how to love. They’ve never learned how to take their eyes off themselves. They’ve never learned how to look past themselves to be empathetic and compassionate towards others.
So, while Holland was happy to finally meet, and marry me … he was 100% unprepared for me, and what me in his life "until death do us part" would mean. He was totally unprepared for real, 100%-sold-out to Christ daily living with Elohim at the head, Yeshua as the compass, and the Ruach HaKo'desh as the lead: I bow to Elohim first, I obey Yeshua, and I follow the Ruach's leading; I bow to my husband second. Holland is used to being first in his Life, period - no exceptions. While he walked like a lion beside me in public … in private, he fought against marital restraints like a caged tiger; feeling trapped unleashed his mean-spirited behavior patterns that made cohabitation difficult at times.
"I wanted to send her back."
STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND; Quartzsite-AZ: https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2024/11/stranger-in-strange-land-quartzsite-az.html
We're coming up on our 3-yr. Anniversary, and it looks like things are calming down. Holland can still be a little high-minded, but he's never been heavy-handed: I never have to worry about that; he does shoot off fiery verbal darts that hit their mark, but he's never been physically aggressive, and I am thankful for that mercy. He does storm out of the house on occasion - but that has slowed down, and he always comes back in a calmer frame of mind: so, I don't get upset anymore - I let him go. He is still too private to suit me (there are things I need to know, as his wife, that need to be shared), but he's starting to share bits and pieces. In August I started spending quiet time alone, & taking space to seek divine input in how best to understand & work with our trauma fallouts so harmony can rein in our Home - I am noticing that Holland, too, is doing the same thing. He wants this marriage. I want this marriage. For whatever reason Elohim thought we'd be a good match together, He wants this marriage. So, it will be, and it can be a good thing, when the whirlwind dies down and the dust settles.
God will blindside you with his purpose.
God's Ways for personal growth, are your promised security protection.
Obedience to God's Will keeps your heart open to uncomfortable changes.
Obedience to God's Ways brings promised unity in marriage.
I know that when Holland makes plans, he always works them around my needs, and generally around my wants. I know that before we stop and set up anywhere, he always makes sure it is in a location where my safety is a primary concern; inside and outside our home, in an unsafe world. I know that he is learning what love is, and how to relax in it to accept it. I know that he has a brain injury and that when he's frustrated, he will say things he doesn't mean, and is always quick to apologize when the blue smoke clears. I know that what he says and does in his brain-injury-black fog, trips my dormant trauma triggers … and I am learning the patterns, to avoid head-on collisions and prolonged silences on my end. In essence, we are both leaning into the Promise and learning how to become more Christ-like in how we treat each other in high voltage moments. I know that being more Christ-like is a revelation to Holland … and a reining in, with me: I know better - childish behavior is not Christ-like: my frustrations are justified, but my attitude is not. Anger is coming too fast, too strong, and too often. So, I need to check myself – and realize that I “am better than that”. In short … I am, and I can be, better than I have been when my chain is jerked, & the heat's been turned up. I know that we are both head-strong, independent, and impatient. I also know that our marriage was divinely orchestrated, and if Elohim thinks we are a good match, then the unforeseen & unwanted bugs will work themselves out. I know we love each other, & Elohim loves both of us. I know love always wins.
It will work out against all odds, because it has been promised.
By movie's end, the sweaters were finished:
Finished & ready to go to Hanford.
**Previous Post~ADAM'S RIB; Self-Care~Coalinga-CA: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/11/adams-rib-self-carecoalinga-ca.html)
