I was up early this morning, enjoying early morning coffee and silence as I cruised the Internet; and I smiled when I saw that my MOD Angel Baby Blankets Post had been featured on one of the Blog Hop sites I frequent - and I finished 2 more over the last couple days ;-)
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I'm also reflecting on my go silent undertaking; I won't engage in verbal battles anymore. I want to live a peaceful life.
Holland is sorry for his angry and frustrated outburst - and I have forgiven him; but I am still going to be silent a while longer, and try to cultivate a quieter demeanor. I know that I am a whole lot of woman; and a lot to handle at times. Sometimes I'm even too much for myself … and I have lived with Holland long enough now to know that the {spiciness} he found charming in the beginning of our relationship doesn't tickle his funny bone anymore. What he thought was cute when we were just best friends, has him grinding his teeth now that we are married.
So, during this quiet time we are both going to be working on ourselves; he's gonna work on being less macho-man, and I'm going to work on a quieter demeanor.
We are first and foremost each other's best friend - that sounds strange I know considering the steady bickering; but it's true. We developed a strong friendship immediately when our paths crossed in the Fall of 2021, and over the months we became Best Friends.
Our marriage may have it's sketchy moments, but we will always be best friends. Holland can't stand it when I go silent - but he doesn't like it when I talk too much (I did warn him before we married, that I can be a 'Chatty Cathy'). He gets a bang out my spicy feistiness, but he doesn't want a steady sampling of it - and my saucy sarcastic humor can irritate him (he wants a quieter demeanor once in a while).
Because we spend considerably more time with our spouse than we do with anyone else … more arguments, more irritation, and more joint challenges will pop up than in any other relationship we have in our life.
The flip side of that, is that even with all the angst he has to sort through during this time of in-house-separation, he has stated that he wants this marriage to work because he misses his best friend (me); and he is still wanting to continue traveling to places neither one of us have ever been before - the most important place he's never been is happily married, and he's genuinely wanting to make a deeper connection to living together on every level, than just sharing living space together.
That's a major shift for him - and a welcome goal to me :-)
So, he's been going out of his way to apologize and {make things right} - without verbalizing he's sorry: that's his way. And, I have forgiven him.
We do have some good & happy times together, we are companiable more times than we are in opposition; we agree that we will "absolutely" spend the rest of our life together - and he is actively cultivating the same tenderness in our marriage that he tended to in our friendship over the past two and a half years.
We are first and foremost each other's best friend; and we miss that connectivity when chaos creeps in and diverts our thoughts and attentions into a different direction than US.
We are taking one day at a time; change doesn't happen instantly.
In the meantime, I am doing what makes me happy: visiting gal pals when I can, working on new designs, and cuddling up with Clive Cussler on cold, wet, and windy nights ;-)
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