APRIL 2026; Castle Rock-WA

I'm ready for whatever April has in store for me - it's not starting out so peachy keen … but, I know Yeshua is for me & everything will work out.

Peace ✌️

Love - in whatever form Elohim blesses me, with; marriage is on the skids 💔, but there are many ways a person can be loved 💝

Abundance; again, there are many forms of abundance 😉

I look forward to all of the good things, yet to come my way 👍

Holy Week is still moving forward ✝️; and the Passover festivities 🕎 will begin tomorrow - I observe them both, from a Messianic Christian perspective ☝️🕎✝️📖

With all that's been going on here, I did manage to get my 4th Holy Week observance post up this afternoon:

TUVO SHEL ELOHIM~Holy Week 2026 #4; Castle Rock-WA: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2026/04/tuvo-shel-elohimholy-week-2026-4-castle.html)

It was also noticed this morning, that Holland has removed himself from My FB Page - and deleted the marriage announcement picture from the Events notification ❌ on both pages: we are separated as of yesterday afternoon 🗓️, & he's barreling down the highway to hell at turbo speed 🙄

This is not big news to any of you that have been following my Blog posts: it's been an ongoing thing for quite awhile. And it's not a big blow to me, either - I knew it would happen 😒 when we came back here, to the redmill stronghold 🥴👺😈🤡

Even that this took place at this particular time ✝️, isn't surprising, either. Judas's lingering effects 👺 seem always to be in play: no matter what era unfolds 📅, or where the presence of Yeshua is. The Judas spirit is self-righteously sneaky and self-serving 💩 - oblivious to the damage 💔 that occurs when it blows through.

So

That where that is at 😒

I've never been seriously separated before 🤔 (a 3 day angst  doesn't count; MPO)… from any man in my life: most guys like me and want me in their lives. I've never been treated so badly by a man, before 🤷‍♀️ This is a new experience for me; but I'm not going to let it ruin my Life. I'm 69 years old & I'm going to get on with getting on before my time on Earth runs out. I have for the 3 years we've been married and waged war on each other, tried to hold things together because I don't believe in divorce … but I am finally at the point where I just don't care anymore if he walks, or not. If, at some point he wants to grow up, he will have to do the fixing. I'm done fixing. And if this truly is the end of the road - I'm okay with that, too.

This man, and his crazy-train family, wears me out.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, BUT I KNOW the One who holds it ☝️👑🕊️

And truthfully? Peace is a real good feeling. The house is quiet, I'm not walking on eggshells, and I don't have to listen to fantastical bullshit stories anymore about the {righteous redmills} - that do not ring true when you actually meet them in person 🤨 If his parents ever did have a ministry, it was satanically inspired and hellish in operation 🎭😵‍💫

I suppose he was thinking I'd be grabbing his leg and begging him to stay: but I didn't; I don't need a man to be complete - and I for sure don't need a man in my life that doesn't want to fully engage. There is no place for a Judas 👎 at my table. I know how to go it alone & peace is a real GOOD feeling. I'm actually in a good place on all levels & I know Yeshua has me in all the ways that truly do matter.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 states, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." There is a specific time for every event in life. Life is structured by God - all life's seasons having its purpose and significance: birth, death, planting, harvesting, loving, losing, and healing … all aspects of life have their appointed times.

The Byrds - "Turn! Turn! Turn!" 1965: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xkx0SuEGMOc&list=RDXkx0SuEGMOc&start_radio=1)

Holland's family experiences a lot of deaths - and those deaths happen pretty regularly & pretty close together, time-wise: Tammy died a year before we married. Scott died last summer. Brenda & George died this past winter; he hasn't fully grieved those deaths 😟 - he needs time ⏳ to heal 🩹 & I hope this separation will afford that time. I understand how it goes; it took me a loooong time to find stable footing after Bob's spirit left Earth 💔 I still have moments & in all probability, always will … but I don't stay parked at the junction of grief & depression: Holland's family does and he does frequent drivebys for his serving.

I don't begrudge Holland this time apart. He needs to fully heal on every level before he can be the man he thinks he is: before he tries to embark on a love relationship, he needs to understand what love is. He needs to let go & let God lead him into a life he can fully immerse himself in. He needs to understand that a softening of a hard heart does not mean pussification. I could never reach the deepness he shelters - he never lets me fully into his life: maybe God can 🙏

Beast Betsy will be shared, so I'm not without wheels when I need them.

Argent - 'Hold Your Head Up': 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-6v4H4BtWI&list=RDXkx0SuEGMOc&index=47)

I was in the mood for a kettlebell workout, so I did the Darebee Top-to-Bottom Back workout that is designed to be a full-body stretching routine for maintaining muscle 💪 and tendon health, which can contribute to overall well-being, suitable for various fitness levels, including those who are 69 years old. However, a 69-year-old woman should consider her overall health, mobility, and any limitations or restrictions she may have.

Workouts like this one can significantly improve cardiorespiratory fitness.

{{What Is Cardiorespiratory Fitness and Why Does It Matter?

SCIENCEINSIGHTS~November 15, 2025

Cardiorespiratory fitness (CRF) represents the integrated capacity of your circulatory and respiratory systems to supply oxygen to your working muscles during sustained physical activity, for overall physical health and long-term well-being.

Defining Cardiorespiratory Fitness

CRF describes how effectively your heart, lungs, and blood vessels work together to deliver oxygenated blood throughout your body, so the body can work harder and for longer periods before fatigue sets in. When you exert yourself, your muscles demand more oxygen to fuel the activity, and the cardiorespiratory system must meet this demand efficiently.

CRF’s Impact on Long-Term Health

CRF is recognized by organizations like the American Heart Association as a clinical sign of health due to its association with disease risk. Low levels of CRF are considered an independent risk factor for all-cause mortality: separate from factors like smoking, obesity, or high cholesterol.

Studies consistently show a dose-response relationship between CRF and longevity. For every increase of one metabolic equivalent (MET)—a measure of exercise capacity—individuals see a 13% to 15% reduction in the risk of all-cause mortality. This evidence suggests that even modest improvements in fitness can translate to significant health benefits.

A higher CRF level is strongly protective against cardiovascular disease (CVD). The enhanced efficiency of the heart muscle means it can pump more blood with fewer beats, reducing strain on the entire system. Furthermore, good CRF is strongly linked to improved metabolic health, helping to regulate blood pressure and increase insulin sensitivity, which allows the body to manage blood sugar more effectively.

This protection also extends to certain types of cancer, where higher CRF is associated with a lower incidence. The protective benefits are so substantial that achieving even a moderate level of fitness can significantly reduce the elevated health risks associated with a sedentary lifestyle.

Training Principles for Improvement

Improving CRF requires systematically applying the FITT principle: Frequency, Intensity, Time, and Type of exercise. Consistency in training is fundamental, with a frequency of at least three to five sessions per week being generally recommended for cardiovascular benefits.

Intensity is the most influential variable for boosting VO2 max; however, steady-state cardio, performed at a moderate intensity for 30 to 60 minutes, also contributes significantly to building an aerobic foundation.

The type of exercise should involve large muscle groups in a rhythmic, continuous manner, such as running, cycling, swimming, or brisk walking. The duration, or time, of each session should be at least 20 minutes to maximize cardiovascular adaptation. Progression should be gradual, increasing the time or intensity over weeks and months to continually challenge the cardiorespiratory system and ensure sustained improvement. https://scienceinsights.org/what-is-cardiorespiratory-fitness-and-why-does-it-matter/ }}

KETTLEBELL~10 ct EA x2

It's raining here, so I ended my evening reading Clive Cussler's 'The Gray Ghost' novel.

NO MORE NICE; Coalinga-CA

I don’t care anymore about being nice to offensive people. That season came and went with the arrival of Fall 2019. By the time politicians were showing their horns & forked tails in the Fall of 2020, I was done with bully tactics completely. I am no longer nice to mean-spirited people, and I feel no need to apologize for that awakening.

I've reached my limit with shabby treatment. I am ready to take ‘social distancing’ to new heights, and bug out: waaaay out.

I deserve better.

I will have better: alone or in union - the choice is really up to him now.

I can be kind without being nice.

I've reached my limit with bad behavior.

August 28, 2025 Post~DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST~Self-Care 2025; Ocean Park-WA: https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/08/dealing-with-narcissistself-care-2025.html

High Blood Pressure issue; and he's bitching because I'm suggesting he should cut his salt intake back. "You're not my Mom" …

Bitching about being overweight … then stepping the bitching up when I suggest slimming down the calorie intake. "You're not my Mom" …

Having trouble walking - but bitching because I ask him to cut the alcohol intake back some to ease the gout flareups. "You're not my Mom" …

Coughing, wheezing, and sounding like a cat with a hair ball; and he's bitching because I'm suggesting that any nicotine, in any form, will worsen his COPD symptoms. "You're not my Mom" …

Asking him to do something SIX HOURS AGO - asking because he insists he "the only one" that "can do it right": then he snaps and snaps off with a smart-ass remark, because you snap. "Stop your bitching, you're not my Mom" …

Denied going to ER with him - or even having the exam results shared with me. "It doesn't concern you. You're not my Mom" …

Yep: it's time to relax and do what I can do FOR ME to make MY life simpler and less stress-free. I've raised my kids, with their dismissive smart-aleck attitudes - I don't need, I don't want, nor will I accept a dismissive smart-aleck attitude from a narcissistic husband. He's right - I'm not his Mom 🤨

So, I quit.

I quit "understanding" that I will always be in the wrong, from his point of view.

I quit shouldering a lop-sided load; and the relief was immediate.

I quit overthinking when it was obvious to me that our problems are not my sole responsibility. It takes 2 to make a marriage work … and he's checked out past "me man, you woman".

I quit accepting with hope things that will never change - he has told me repeatedly "I'll never change!": I believe that, now.

I quit verbally sharing because he either tunes me out, changes the topic to whatever's on his mind - thereby dominating the entire conversation, or he totally shuts down the entire conversation by totally disengaging: basically letting me know I am irrelevant - and my voice is not valued.

I quit sharing myself when I began to feel so unseen, so unheard, and so undervalued as to be considered worthless.

So, I quit.

Being a quitter isn't something that comes easy to me; but I am learning that quitting a dead end scenario is sometimes the best route to go.

Elohim sees me.

MiYah - "You Saw Me" Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4p7o30FYv0&list=RDH4p7o30FYv0&start_radio=1)

Yeshua walks with me; He hears me. He values my presence. He likes to hear my voice. He shares His heart with mine; we have no secrets between us.

Holland can keep his secrets.

Holland can keep His people.

Holland can keep his [nice] life, separate and self-serving.

I've reached my limit with bad behavior.

I can be kind without being nice. Holland and the redmill bunch are considered nice … but not a one of them are kind people; they can be very brutal, in a nice way of course, in how they treat others.

I, on the other hand, can morph from kind to distancing without all the niceties of dishonesty. Plus, kindness is a hallmark of Biblical standing: kindness is highlighted from Genesis to Revelation - [nice] isn't to be found anywhere in the Scriptures. It's actions are not lauded because it's root cause is dishonesty for self-gratification gaslighting (aka, guile).

I will continue practicing sanity-saving-hibernation for the next 10 months … and longer, if necessary. My husband is a very stubborn man, given to lifetime bad habits and a poisonous crappy attitude handed own to him from generations of toxic, over-bearing neanderthal-minded males, broken-spirited females, & recklessly rebellious/over-indulgent, suicidal siblings & cousins who have never had to shoulder responsibly for behavior ownership. At some point, maturity is required from those claiming adulthood. 60 year old toddlers are ridiculous; and I'm not pandering to pampered brats who would rather plop onto their cushioned asses and scream in temper tantrum mode; rather than stand upright, accept the need for personal growth, and walk forward into adulthood as a healthy person capable of building & enjoying a healthy home environment and nurturing a healthy adult relationship.

Self-care.

Standing Toe Touch~8 to 12 repeats x2

I did a couple exercise sets, I worked some more on the little baby sweaters I am knitting - it’s a simple pattern, so I could veg out while working and just relax without thinking too much 😉

My little project is taking shape …

And, I fried up some liver & onions for supper.

Liver & Onions; light supper.

Beef liver is an excellent source of high-quality protein, B-complex vitamins, and much needed minerals like iron, zinc, and copper: things a  body needs to main a healthy balance to work efficiently for you (energy level, immunity benefits, brain function, & red blood cell production) - I am very anemic, so I need to eat liver (beef, lamb, or chicken) as often as possible.

Tonight, my choice is beef 👍 and aside from the onions, I didn't bother with side dishes - there was only me eating, so I kept things simple:

Liver & Onions ~4 servings

Beef Liver, sliced 16 oz * 1/2 tsp. Garlic Salt * 1/4 tsp. Black Pepper, ground * 1/2 tsp. Paprika powder, smoked * 2 Onions, sliced * 2 TBSP. Olive Oil * Paper Towels * 1 Large Skillet * 1 Lrg. Slotted Cooking Spoon * 1 Lrg. Pancake Turner * 1 Large Dinner Plate * Aluminum Foil

1) Blot liver slices with paper towels; sprinkle slices with pepper & paprika.

2) Put 1 TBSP oil in the skillet. Turn heat to medium; add onions & cook about 10 minutes, stirring often.

3) When onions are translucent and browned to your liking; remove them from the skillet to the dinner plate, with a slotted spoon. Cover onions with foil.

4) Pour the remaining oil into the skillet, and add liver slices (in batches if necessary); sprinkling with the garlic salt. Cook about 4 minutes on each side to be well done - or until juices no longer runs red when pierced with fork tines.

CUTTING ABUSE~EYES HEALING; Ocean Park-WA

My eyes are healing in 2 different ways - spiritually, and physically.

I am distancing myself, and pursuing peace in the spiritual realm.

I am rejoicing in the physical realm.

I had an eye appointment in Longview-WA, this morning.

About a half hour before we were to leave here, in Ocean Park-WA, he started a big fight over morning news broadcasts involving islam in the LA mexican riots - dragging every family member and shifty-eyed friend he has, into the ridiculousness. And of course, I was the handy "hater" he focused venting his bitterness on.

Because he has trouble sleeping, he's up all night long filling his head with media bullshit that frustrates and angers him - and it lingers throughout the following Day; where the TBI kicks in because his mental resistance is weak due to lack of sleep. It's a vicious hamster wheel activity. At this point, any word spoke or action taken has him focusing laser-beam hostility in my direction. And it always boils down to his dysfunctional family and friends network.

In an environment like this, emotional triggered eggshells are always strewn and can't be avoided: they are present, and avoidance of stepping on them at some point, is pretty much impossible.

Most of what he was shouting had no relevance to the media reports: but he saw and heard, muslim references, and that angered him. He has close muslim friends. His nephew married a muslim woman, and they have adult twin sons. He has muslim sympathies that blind him to the realities of people raised in that political environment (islam is more about violent politics, than it is a religious outlook, which is also rooted in violence that ties back to the political aspect).

I have Jewish DNA, as well as Blackfoot native, and Spanish bloodlines; I did not want to hear his loud and discordant sympathies for muslims shown on live footage throwing brick chunks. I did not want to hear his self-righteous verbal darts about "criminal activities need to be shut down", when his own family members are, and have been, involved in like mattered activities … and I for sure did not want to be his handy scapegoat to unload unwarranted anger onto. I did not want to be tagged again, as "hateful!" I needed to be calm so I'd get an accurate reading on my eye exam; I did not want to have lens ordered based on a stressed-out headache/eye reading. So, I just went upstairs and made the bed while he raved on. It helped a little, to be busy.

Before the morning's verbal explosion, we had planned to visit his cousin Crystal in Ryderwood-WA; then come back to Ocean Park the long route - over Wildwood Drive hill,  through Pe Ell & Raymond-WA. I had a book I planned on leaving with Crystal, knowing she'd enjoy the read. I have hung onto this book for 18 months, trying just as long to place it in her hands. Today, was the agreed Day, to do that.

As we passed over the Astoria-Megler Bridge, the tide was low - and I was able to get a good picture of the pilings on a sand bar in the middle of the river:

Pilings out on a sandbar; crossing Astoria-Megler Bridge~WA side of Columbia River.

The Desdemona Sands: 

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desdemona_Sands_Light)

Location of the Desdemona Sands & Horse Barn.

The Fishing Horses.

The Columbia’s Fishing Horses: 

(https://dailyastorian.com/2021/04/09/weekend-break-the-columbias-fishing-horses/)

The Columbia’s Fishing Horses Article: These days, the rotting pilings that sit in the middle of the Columbia River don’t seem like much at first glance. But they are the remnants of a booming cannery industry.

Near the old Desdemona Sands Lighthouse, they were considered home for teams of horses that helped fishermen catch salmon along the river. 

Commercial horse seining on the Columbia River played a vital role in the area’s economy from the 1890s through the 1940s. When the river was in full swing, dozens of men would gather near Desdemona Sands and Sand Island to collect the bounty of salmon that awaited them.

Seine fishing involves a special type of net — a seine — that hangs vertically in the water. Its bottom edge is held down by weights. The top of the net is held up by floats. The net is laid out in a U shape around schools of fish.

On the Columbia, the nets were extremely heavy. There was a 16 ounce weight tied to every foot or two of net.  Fishermen would typically use between 300 to 400 fathoms — or 1,800 to 2,400 feet — of net in the water at any given time. They were so heavy that the fishermen couldn’t haul them up themselves so they turned to horsepower instead. 

Along with providing bunkhouses for people to sleep and eat, the pilings we see today also supported horse barns floating in the water that could hold over a dozen horses. Enormous Clydesdales or Percherons would pull a seine next to fishermen wearing waders up to their chests.

The fishermen would fish with seines only when the water was low enough that they would be able to bring the horses in the sand. If the water got up to their chests and stomachs, they would lose all their pulling power so it had to be slack enough that they could use the horses’ strength. 

Two seining skiffs were required for each net. Typically three or four men worked on each boat. Sometimes up to eight fishermen could be working alongside three teams of horses to bring in such monstrous seines. A 400 fathom net could bring in between 4 and 5 tons of salmon.  The seining season only lasted from the beginning of June until the end of August so it was a clever way to bring in as many fish as possible within that period. Out of the 27 million pounds of salmon that were harvested from the river every year during this time, around 6 million of that was the product of horse seining. 

Many of the fishermen loved working around the horses and got to know their personalities over the years, since they would use the same animals each season. They worked tirelessly for six days a week, with Sunday as their only day off. Local college students would return home for the summer and work on the seining grounds to pay off their tuition for the next year. 

As time went on, Oregon and Washington state both began imposing restrictions on the kind of fishing that could take place on the Columbia. Seining was officially outlawed in 1934 in Washington and 1948 in Oregon.

The drive to Longview was blessedly quiet. I put my headphones on, closed my eyes and tuned everything out after I got a picture of the pilings.

When we got to Dr. Tack's office, the eye exam went very well - one thing did concern me though, and I'm not sure I will continue with this eye doctor: they are now using a digital holographic simulator eye exam headpiece, "with a blue ghost to guide you" … I'm not comfortable with that.

Digital holographic simulator eye exam headpiece.

BUT, I was very happy, and very comfortable being told that my eyes are "doing much better" and that I don't need to order new eyewear. I prayed about an eye healing for years - and now, it appears those prayers are being answered. SO HAPPY!

It is good to be a favored Daughter, honored by The Father: I didn't dress fancy, or wear makeup because my eyes and head was going to be fiddled with: there was no point.

I exited the Office, and got into Betsy expecting to be headed to Ryderwood … but instead, noticed that Holland was pointing Betsy back across the Columbia River, towards home in Ocean Park. Apparently, he was set on continuing his fight. I asked, "Are you serious? Are you really going to do this?" He huffed, "Yeah. I am. You nixed the visit in Kelso, so now there won't be any visiting with anyone." The 2 hour drive back was not a pleasant one, and the atmosphere had a very distinctive angry blue hue, to it, as a 2 hour fight over Holland's "family & friends" continued to dominate any and all convo - ending with a ban between any of his family members & myself.

I'm actually okay with that declaration; aside from a small handful of his family members, the rest could drop off the face of the earth, and they wouldn't be missed.

I'm sick to death of this constant fighting over people I do not particularly like - and would not have anything to do with if they were not now grafted into my Life via my new husband.

So.

When I we got back to Ocean park, and I got my laptop up and running, I contacted those few "family friends" that I have enjoyed friendships with, and ended those contacts: explaining why the severance was necessary: {{"Holland is insisting I have nothing to do with his family members … so, I'm going to have to let you go. Sorry. And, maybe in some future time, if we are all still walking this Earth, we can make contact again. But for right now, I'm worn out and worn down with the continual barrage of angry words geared towards forcing me into situations with people I do not want to be party to. You know me well enough to know that bullying won't budge me one inch TOWARDS anything, or anyone … but IT WILL CAUSE ME TO DIG MY HEELS IN 🖕 & PULL BACK & AWAY. UnFriending you has nothing to do with you personally ❤️: I just crave peace at this point in my Life 😘" & "I love you - and I'm glad to have met you, your kids, grandkids, and husband - and maybe sometime in the future, we will meet again. But right now, Holland had placed a ban on any contact with his family members. I don't bully very well, and I don't hide emotions on my face very well - so, I'm doing what I can to have peace in my Life and home. UnFriending you has nothing to do with you personally ❤️: I just crave peace at this point in my Life 😘"

EVERYONE: Holland is not a bad guy, but he does have brain injury moments that make Life hard and difficult. He is absolutely fixated on maintaining familial dysfunctions, bad company, & bad behavior patterns … and, I am not; this is causing a lot of friction between us. If I had my way, we would NEVER return back to WA State - but I don't have my way, and we keeping going through this familial and friend nonsense 🤬 every 6 months: it's been 2 years of nonstop angry words and silent treatment when he doesn't get his way. I'm tired.}}

At this point … I'm even UnFriending Holland, and taking much needed [space] from the toxicity he seems to thrive on. Sometimes love isn't enough - especially when the pool is constantly contaminated with poison barbs.

I think [space] from everything and everyone connected to my small patch of Earth, for a while, is what my battle-weary soul needs.

I know I am engaged in a spiritual battle; but I'd really like it it come to an end soon. There are a LOT of elements to this battle that will be hard to gain the victory over, because they are grasped and held onto so tightly 😪

I will never accept wrong as right - and I will never embrace every religion under the sun; I adhere ONLY to Elohim, His Word, the salvation of Yeshua, and the wisdom of the Ruach HaKo'desh = that does not make me a "hater".

I will never accept the vineyard twaddle as authentic Christianity, and I will never trust a muslim … Holland's family and friends circle is rife with both. I did not know this until after we married. I can be kind, and civil -  but that's where the buck stops; I have no desire to mingle for several hours, every week. This angers my husband.

I don't like antagonistic environments.

I don't like playing 2nd fiddle to bad influences, shady people, or questionable activity.

I don't tolerate bullying - from anyone; a difference of opinions is fine … but a forcing to comply, will have me digging my heels in and yanking at the hard-held reins.

I crave peace at this time in my Life. It took me a very long time to walk away from bad behaviors geared towards trying to force my hand and put me "in place" (this came from relatives, as well as my kids), and get comfortable with who I am. I found out that most people who come to really know me, actually like me - that was a surprising revelation after decades of being told I was worthless, irrelevant, and "hateful!" I no longer tolerate that from family members, I no longer accept that from my kids … and I flat our refuse to knuckle under to my husband's angry neanderthal behavior.

So, he is insisting I either accept his demands, or we have a parting of the ways in our personal life - and I am agreeing to taking space. I have never lowered my standards, or gave way to shifting ground on morals; and I won't go that route now. I know my worth - I know he's gonna miss me big time when he's sitting in that kitchen in Kelso, drinking homemade moonshine 1 street over, and living like a bachelor in Woodland.

Since Bob passed from this life to Life above the clouds 6-1/2 years ago, I've become a Pro at letting go of people who are either too dimwitted to know my worth … or too damned stupid in letting me go. I don't run after people anymore, and I don't waste time spinning my wheels when it comes to those who let me know I will always be standing on the outskirts of their Life.

Holland needs a real, honest-to-God, "come to Jesus" moment: until that happens, I don't see this marriage becoming a healthy … or united one.

Repentance leads to real change … which births unity.

TOUGH DAYS~TOUGH ENOUGH; Ocean Park-WA

Sunday, June 1st: This morning, I didn't get to bed until 6 AM … Holland & I are doing split shift sleeping: he went to be around 10 PM, and didn't stir - or wake up until 6 AM. I fell into 🛌 when he vacated, & 😴 until noon.

This sleeping pattern actually works better for us both; I've always been a night-owl … and I've noticed that Holland sleeps through several hours of uninterrupted sleep when he has the bed to himself. I don't mind - he needs the sleep.

And I tend to {travel} the bed when I'm in it: frequent tossing and turning, and sometimes crowding. Even in a super-sized king bed, I'm usually smack-dab in the center, snuggled against my husband. I prefer snuggling … Holland prefers open space around his body, and sprawling arms and legs from edge to edge. I slept alone from September 2018 to January 7th, 2023; I can do it again.

Holland wants [space].

I finding I'm also needing the [space].

The current sleeping arrangement is working for the [space].

When I woke up, I decided to make a trip to Longview to buy some groceries at Winco. Refills were needed for a couple spices, and I wanted some fresh sliced pepper bacon - among other things on my List.

Glittery eyeshadows in Nude, Copper & Green; Auburn Brow Gel; Green Mascara; a blending of Pink & Coral liquid blushes; Pink Sand Lipstick.

Surfing the internet while Holland finishes his coffee; I like how the greens bring out the green on my Hazel eyes.

Longview-WA from Ocean Park-WA; 1 hr 41 min (79.4 mi) via US-30 E

Holland drove me into Longview; Betsy is his true 'Baby', and he is particular about mileage and how she is handled (he really believes that the 4x is "too much" for me to handle; she's not, but it's not worth arguing over) - so, I let him drive. And, of course the air inside Betsy's cab was blue with self-righteous steam billowing out of his ears, nose, and mouth, from start to finish. I let him rail (when he's on a roll, there's no stopping him anyways). Nearing the outskirts of Longview, I finally said, "We've been over all this for 2 solid years - I'm tired of the same arguments over the same people. I'm tired of the sneaky behavior when you spend time with them. I'm tired of the shark bite attacks when I find out what you lied to me about. I'm just plain t.i.r.e.d. of the never-ending crazy train ride. The point is that no matter where we go, or decide to settle, Kelso & Woodland will always be with us because you can't cut yourself loose. And I don't want that baggage mucking up my life. Your life is tied to my life, no matter how you want to spin it. You want to claim your right to be wrong … so, be wrong. I claim the right to jump out of the fire. You want a separate life, have at it. I'm tired of this never ending fighting over people I don't know - except for what you tell me; people I've met & don't like: first impressions have lasting effects; and people I don't want to know, on principle. So, I am finally agreeable - we have nothing in common other than those 18 months of friendship before we got married. I didn't know then that you were such a tyrant 👺😡. I need space from this entire situation 😟💔."

It didn't take long to gather the things I wanted from Winco. I was surprised to find that most of what I was after has been phased out - we've been gone from this region a long time, and maybe the store underwent management changes; but things were really different. So, I'll be looking for an alternative bulk foods supplier. I already know where to go for meats no longer available at this store.

I loaded the meager groceries into Betsy's back cab, and climbed into the passenger seat. Settled comfortably, I reached for my phone and researched stores closer to Ocean Park that might offer what was lacking in Longview's Winco. Two stores came up in my search … and they are in Seaside-OR.

Seaside is closer to Ocean Park than Longview is - about an hour closer: so, that's a possibility 🤔 I'd have to cross that horrible Astoria-Megler Bridge twice; but the coastal drive would be a nice drive. I'll be checking that out.

When a fresh argument threatened to break out on our way home, coming into Graysriver, I slipped a Joel Chernoff disc into the CD player. I wanted to wind my day up with a calming atmosphere: 4 hours of fighting is very tiring.

The CD's soothing songs lasted all the way back to Ocean Park … and into the night 🕊️:

Joel Chernoff - 'The Restoration of Israel' Full Album:  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezjCn-M1Fec&list=OLAK5uy_kNVKng95W10t6jG4YvrNqctRbCcpD6mgE)

Each new day is an opportunity to mold a brighter future: one decision, one thought, and one moment at a time 🩹

Better Days lay ahead.

I bought food today, that is good for my whole well-being.

And after Holland went to bed tonight, I worked on toning my muscles 🏋️‍♀️

I am tough enough to embrace the change 🙏, cherish the growth ✝️ 📖, and firmly hold onto the promise of better tomorrows.