Yesterday was my grandson's 11th BD - the last time we saw each other was 5 years ago, today. Because of 1 person's crazy behavior, lives were shattered and dreams went up in smoke.
In years past, I would always cry this time of year: I MISS Azariah … but this year, Holland is in my life - and all the missingness, though still there, is not so painful. And bless his heart, Holland said, "Well, maybe when he gets older he'll look you up. He'll remember the good times with his Grandma, and he'll come looking for you."
My husband is more optimistic than I am concerning this situation.
There is a lot of assumption anger, still simmering in that arena. There is a lot of misplaced bitterness, still harbored in that arena. The bridge that could have led to healing, was spectacularly set ablaze: and the gleeful flamethrower flat out told me that it would never be rebuilt.
When I called to talk to little handsome … she would angrily shut the phone call down.
When I asked for a school picture - the request was denied.
Unwarranted & unjustified hatred towards me shuts out any contact between me & my grandchildren.
But I know I will not be crying anymore - and that is in a large part, due to Elohim, Yeshua, & my new husband's presence in my Life.
Anyone looking (who has no clue at all about what I've lived through before Bob, with Bob, & after Bob) would only see the torn fabric of a messy life. BUT, I KNOW I have a blessed Life despite the messy bits.
I've overcome a LOT.
I've grown in ways I wasn't even aware I needed to grow.
I've come to fully understand "loving from a distance" when it comes to toxic familial relationships.
I learned that it's okay to be ME; without apology.
I learned to embrace - and even at times, enjoy, a solo lobo Life between Bob's absence & Holland's arrival.
My husband doesn't know the full story; but he tries to cheer me up any way he can.
Last year, we drove up the WA Gorge:
THE GORGE-WA~Bucket List Drive: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2024/07/the-gorge-wabucket-list-drive.html)
This year, we went for a short local drive, & enjoyed a nice visit with David:
SUNDAY DRIVE EXPLORATION~Black Lake, Ilwaco-WA: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/06/sunday-drive-explorationblack-lake.html)
So, I focus on the blessedness, not the missingness.
And I will lean into the hope my husband spoke about future possibility of seeing my grandson again. Azariah is a direct gifting from Elohim … and I believe the Scripture that says, "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten" ❤️
