Once bound by friendship and love, the unity of this marriage is crumbling under continual betrayals (emotional betrayals only), and divergent values (the gap keeps getting wider).
No matter how much I hear, "I love you, Baby" … he always seems to set us backwards, instead of forwards in this weird marriage.
And it doesn't matter which State we are in.
The current craziness just happens to be in WA State, this time. It's nothing new, but it is going on longer:
April 24, 2025: BACK AT THE ROOMMATE STAGE: Ocean Park-WA: https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/04/back-at-roommate-stage-ocean-park-wa.html
Even so, it doesn't distract, or take away, from the achievements Holland has made - and will make. I know I sound contradictory, but I'm not. This relationship is very complex.
If we could just use our valuable time together to work towards an agreeable solution, instead of haggling over his [rights] and mulish obsession to be [right], these heated arguments would not happen so frequently.
So, for the time being, while taking some space to step away from the bullish overload chaos - I'm engaging in self-care activities, listening to music, meditating on Elohim's faithful goodness & Yeshua's calming presence, and exercising; on a personal level, I'm hitting all the [happiness chemicals] boxes, this morning. And I intend to keep it up as time passes. Sitting around moping, under my husband's thumb, is not on my agenda. I am not like the other beaten down redmill wives.
I'm an advocate for executional excellence - because in the end, if you burn your calories trying to change someone you know is not going to change, instead of putting your focus on the output he can provide … then you are in the process of being dominated and manipulated by their opposing behaviors and bullish attitude. It's just a waste of time. Let's burn our calories moving the needle forward; I'm not going to get caught up in aimless twaddle that leads to hamster wheel treading.
Instead, I'm going to be treading on my stepper - and burning calories with toning workouts:
Through it all, love (divine love, spousal love, self-care love) makes everything bearable. It elbows the chaos out of my life.
I love You, Yeshua: You are MESSIAH & KING and you lavish my life with love – thank You for all You do for me; what You have done, what You are in the process of doing (though I do not yet see, or feel any of it), and for all You will do for me. Your presence in my Life make everything bearable.
