While sipping my early morning coffee, and working on another preemie item; I gave a listen to another 2 Be Better short reel: it touches on strong women throughout History, as well as life and death contemplations.
Preemie Tube Socks.
I can identify.
On the message in it's entirety.
I am a strong woman.
We both are dealing with individual life & death situations.
And that's why I don't let my physical limitations rob me of enjoying Life to the max - I want to do as much as I can with the timeframe I have left, to savor Life, before it is gone.
We've got Bucket Lists … and things are getting checked off ;-)
Deep Conversations About Life & Death~2 Be Better Short Reel: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r8l4N0hoP8)
I had this conversation with Holland early on: I never was suicidal (and have very little empathy for those who are - no apologies), but I do have life-threatening issues I deal with, that will eventually cause my body to cease functioning on Earth - it's important that he knows my end-of-life decisions. The conversation was hard for Holland to hear on several levels … (1) we are newlyweds (2) he has not worked through his own grief process, yet (3) he loves me; has loved me for a long time, and doesn't want to hear about death topics … but he did hear it, and agreed with me, saying he would honor my decision when the time came that he needs to do that.
On the other hand, I knew that there had been many deaths in his family that had been hard for him to deal with (because he talks about those people, to me, so he doesn't forget them); one of those deaths happened just months before the two of us met. I did not know that, until recently. I knew that Tami had died … but I didn't know that her death was so recent.
Basically, he is still grieving. And I understand how grieving works. I also understand better now, the stressful first year of our marriage; and how the lingering effects of grief continue to ripple through our lives, long after the Grim Reaper has collected.
That said, my grieving was hard when Bob's spirit left Earth, and my Life. I was at loose ends waiting for my {Call Home}; it took me a long time learning to adjust my sails to allow enjoyment of the solo loboing that had been forced on me. And then … Holland entered my life, melding his life with mine: and suddenly I was wanting the Call Home to wait a little longer ;-)
Elohim was gifting me with an extension period, in blessing me with a new lease on a Life I assumed has been played out when Bob took his last breath this side of Heaven. I still had a part to play in the game of Life, before it was wrapped up. My life had a purpose again.
Decades ago, Elohim had made a particular promise; confirming it by three witnesses, over the span of time.
And Holland had been waiting for that fulfillment (perhaps not 'faithfully' as he had had girlfriends during that waiting period), but he steadfastly held marriage off - and was a confirmed bachelor (no girlfriends at all for a significant period of time) for quite a while, while he waited for the promise to unfold: the promise began to grab both of our attentions in the Fall of 2022. Yeshua was gently wiping the scales off my heart's eyes as October of 2022 played out - and when November rolled around, Holland gathered his courage and boldly made his move; decades of waiting was quickly closing ;-)
Second text from Holland; 11-4-'22.
Yeshua was breathing hope into my bruised and withered heart … and Holland was reviving it with the hope he had doggedly hung onto:
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing. And obtains favor from the Lord"~Proverbs 18:22 = importance of marriage, and the blessing a wife can be for a man.
"Houses and riches are an inheritance from from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord"~Proverbs 19:14
One of Holland's first sentences to me when we started dating, was, "I thought I had missed you somewhere along the line - I was getting on in years, and was just about ready to give up on the promise, when you finally showed up. We are going to get married - you'll get used to the idea of me."
Two people, with three-fourths of their lives behind them, now had reason to fully live again. To share our lives with a special person - a person who enriches our life as no other can. To have our personhood validated in an environment of unconditional love. To know that as our life slowly ebbs to a close, we will not fade out alone - we can step into the next phase of Life with joy, instead of loneliness or regret. Knowing that the faithfulness of Elohim's concern for us has always been with us and held our Life in His hands with loving tenderness.
Autumn love had come into my life, again - this time, in the Autumn season of our life cycle; we are no longer young … but we have youthful spirits, and that is another blessing showered on us from our Father.
Where Autumn colors had faded to gray, and had become a season to avoid since 2018 - Autumn was once again bursting with color, and has once again become a season of happiness (I have read this to Holland before posting, because I want him to know what his presence in my life means; I want there to be no doubt in his mind).
Dusty Springfield & Tom Jones - 'Baby, Baby' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moATRHUlwgY)
I am by nature, a very restless person: when I've used up time in one region … I'm ready to move on; gypsying is self-indulgent - thankfully, Elohim gifted me with good men. And I am grateful for all the outpouring of love. My husbands (Bob, in the Past - Holland, in the Present) are the only people that could/can settle me down long enough to let grass grow under my gypsy feet; and both of them came to understand that my gypsy bone needs to be entertained periodically. Bob drove me to far-flung PNW mountains when my feet got itchy - Holland drives me to far-flung States to satisfy my wanderlust ;-)
And maybe, if it fits Elohim's Plan for our Life, we will set roots in Yuma-AZ and build a Life there, that past memories cannot rattle … and a middle ground where road gypsy travel will spread out, from - the goal is to visit the East Coast States in the near future.
We both like Yuma. We both feel comfortable with Yuma's grid layout.
We have goals that go beyond wishes.
Admittedly, there is also scorched earth there, from last year's marriage burnout … but, burnt soil can also be utilized to promote healthy new growth - and that's our outlook, going into the Future, hand-in-hand ;-)
We have already traveled some hard and rocky land - spiritually and emotionally, as well as physical crappy roads we ventured Independence down.
Things can only get better from here on out ;-)
Our lives are fuller, now; richer for having braved the deep waters of love. We rode the unstable waves of Life's turbulent seas, and washed up on emotional shores drained and disoriented. When the storms of life came in like a flood, we fought our way through 21 States … then, at the last moment, snapped to attention and threw a life-saving ring buoy out, and breathed life back into a gasping situation.
We remembered; and spoke the promise aloud - reaffirming Elohim's faithfulness, seeing life through the lens of love, again.
Having deep conversations, because our Life is deep.
Because He never gave up on US … we will not, either.
Our home is not built on silt or sand - it is being built on solid ground, held by The Rock that shelters our souls.
