Holland had a consultation about his knee relief options, in Centralia, this morning (I was supposed to go with him for a day-out-of-house - but kelso interfered, and I stayed home); consultation assessment is that his disability insurance will pay for the consultation, x-rays, future doctor visits/x-rays … but the injection itself is not covered: that's fine. Just knowing that there will be some kind of relief medically & financially is a plus in regards to this option.
On my end, I called my dentist while Holland was gone, to set an appointment for my partial (I managed to come up with the $$$$$ required); and was told that the dentist will not do the tooth replacement until I submit to a barrage of x-rays, and an in-depth cleaning; which upped the quoted $1,800+ cost for the tooth replacement, by an additional $2,000 = total cost $4,000 for the [cheap-option] partial. None of this will be covered by my social security coverage. It's a major hit to the wallet. But, I need the partial & the dentist knows that; hence the ultimatum squeeze.
So, I cut the connection with an appointment for a cleaning set on the 16th.
Which leads into another ultimatum squeeze: this one put on heavily by Holland, who is once again dragging me over the coals concerning the Kelso riff-raff. However, I am not that easy to drag anymore; I've reached my tolerance limit with this man and his shady connections. I'm not accepting the burden of responsibility anymore, when it comes to Lana, Jake, Mark, or Tim - these loose bullets are solely Holland's responsibility, seeing as how he has made them, so: I want no part of any of that kelso mess.
What caused the recent blow-out?
The mere mention that I was going to go on a 40-Day Fast when August came around - he had been talking about groceries, and I said that he should probably concentrate more on what he likes, instead of figuring groceries with me in mind, since I was not going to be eating for 40 days. He asked why; I said, "August is a National Fast for our Nation that has been infiltrated with muslims, and nearly given over solely to islam on every front; Americans need to gain the upper hand again, and islam needs to be rooted out of all high seats of governing powers and education establishments. And I'm going to be fasting for personal reasons, too. It's a good thing." He went ballistic: just the mention of muslims had him grinding his teeth. Then the accusations started; & the tone went to heightened decimals of ridiculous rancor, that set my watch off with environmental sensory overload warnings.
He has recently spent time in Kelso.
With Tim; Holland's "best" friend. An Albanian muslim.
With Mark; Holland's only living sibling. A democrat & stuck to Bob Redmill like glue. A Redmill religion devotee.
With Jake; Holland's nephew. A democrat & stuck to Bob Redmill like glue. A Redmill religion devotee. He married Tim's sister, Arta - they have adult, twin sons.
With Lana; Holland's SIL. A mouthy democrat. A Redmill religion devotee. Jake's mother, family patriarch, & interfering person.
We had recently enjoyed time in the sunshine, in a forested environment: that directly butts up against the family compound in Olequa.
He has been talking about Aunt Gaye, in AZ
For the past 2 weeks, he has recently been highly sensitized.
I have been expecting the blow-out, and actually expected it sooner.
I know that when the steam builds up and the cork pops … he's on a roll, and hurt is the primary objective to anything that falls out of his mouth.
It's a Redmill trademark.
I spent the majority of the afternoon burning energy and blowing off steam, by heavy lifting and furniture shifting - thank the Lord for my strength building exercises. When I had heard enough & had reached my limit with his ridiculousness, and he saw me danger zone-cleaning, Holland finally zipped his lip, wisely kept his mouth shut, and stayed out of my way - the tone he had set in our immediate space, led him to rightly assume that if he'd uttered another asinine & inflammatory accusation at me, or tried one more time to justify his shitty behavior or his family's obsession with islamism … there was a pretty good chance (a very good chance, actually) … that I would have done everything in my power to lift and shift him. I was that steamed up.
It's not just his love affair with muslims that is raw nerve in this marriage. It's the combination of a lot of things: he has disabilities that limit him & he doesn't like that, so he's kinda always in angry mode. And my asthma concerns him, which adds another complication to the disabilities issue.
It's the absolute refusal of any of Redmill men to grow up and morph into full-grown men, willing to shoulder their own responsibilities - and Holland's crazy notion that he has to be smack-dab in the middle of all the chaos, running the dog & pony show from the sidelines: with the exception of Jake, who is around 50 or so … everyone else is 62 & above! They should, by now, be able to man up & be mature enough to handle their own crazy train ride. Tim is the wild card, & from what I can see, what I am hearing, and what Holland should be wise enough to understand - is that that 35 year old [friendship] is no longer a 2-way deal; Tim only calls now, when he wants something from Holland ("track down a car for me", "sell a vehicle for me", ect.): and Holland, jumps right on it. Holland & I have been married a little over 3 years now, and Tim has never once come through for Holland. Not once. Holland has, for 3 years, asked a simple request of Tim … Tim agrees … drags the situation out, blows him off, and just outright ignores him. Until Tim needs or wants something form Holland. This clearly is not the bonded friendship Holland seems to believe it is. It has, to my way of understanding it, played itself out. Tim has moved on; it's the muslim way.
There is nothing that interests me, in kelso.
There is nothing about islam, that interests me.
And I am really tired of having this same argument with my husband every couple of weeks; about the same people, over the same behaviors.
Holland's mother's oldest brother's daughter married a black man & she was shunned by the family ever after. On one hand, they will embrace islam … and on the other, they will cut ties with a family member that dares to engage in an interracial marriage; it another whacky train car on the family crazy train ride. And that adds another complication to this already complicated marriage, as I am a heinz 57 mutt with Jewish DNA, Native American DNA, and North Africa DNA. I come with baggage Holland doesn't know how to appropriately deal with.
I always knew about the Blackfeet Indian DNA.
I didn't find out for sure about the Jewish DNA until the late 1980's.
I didn't find out about the African DNA until February 2019.
He's in a physical & emotional war with himself, in regards to me - keeping this relationship strong & healthy, is too costly to him & he's not ready to pony up.
He's in a spiritual war with Elohim, in regards to me - honing a relationship with Elohim & honoring this marital relationship, is too costly to him & he's not ready to pony up.
The only ones he is not in war with, are the kelso morons - and he will distance himself from God Almighty, & sever any other relationship that threatens his kelso connections. kelso is his be-all.
With the whisper of a dove wing's touch, 1 phone call came & 1 text were sent to me during this time that were Heaven sent (thank YOU, Lord, for the unfailing love you keep ever present, in my Life) - clear and present proof that I don't "hate!" everyone, and that rational people do keep me close. Of course these people don't matter to Holland - they do not qualify as proof: they are not "his people"; his people are all that matter, according to him.
So, I shot him an "I'm d.o.n.e." glare, broke the in-house squeeze, & cleaned house like a frenzied maniac.
Furniture was lifted & shifted.
Windows are sparkling.
Bathrooms smell fresh.
Then, I checked the Anti-Inflammatory Honey Concoction I had set aside to ferment, a months ago, and swallowed a healthy spoonful. I like the color & I like the flavor. I've never tried this for my asthma before … so, I'm hoping for a good result. I want to deal with my asthma, holistically & organically. The honey was gifted to us from Holland's cousin Bruce, when he visited us in Coalinga-CA, a couple months ago.
If Holland would stop acting like an ass & distance himself from kelso connections, that would really be helpful with my asthma flareups.
PLEASE, GOD.
