DON'T LET THE LIGHT GO OUT~1st Night Hanukkah; Coalinga-CA

Today was a kick back day … we didn't do more than snack and nap 😉

Holiday Cinnamon Rolls.

In between the snacking and napping, I did rouse myself enough to do a few light stretching exercises & scratch color off my scratch cards to reveal a small win 😊 - and Holland stirred himself enough to root around in Independence's basement to retrieve the propane heater and set it up in the kitchen for more heat; yes! it is that cold 😱, here. We'll burn propane during the daytime, and use electric heat during the night hours when we're sleeping.

Stepper = 3-5x week, at least 10-15 mins.

$5 winner card will be cashed in sometime in the next couple days …

Propane Heater pulled from the basement. We've been using electric heat, but a $400+ electric bill/mo. is outrageous. Propane keeps us cozy & it's much more affordable.

Today is also the day my first husband Bob, graduated to his glorious life beyond the clouds - and I honor his memory. He was a good man. He was a good husband to me; a good father & a good grandfather. I am a better person because he was in my life and loved me. People that knew him have also been positively influenced by his impact on their lives. I want always to keep those memories alive.

Of course I have remarried, and live my new life in the present - and Holland is understanding of those remembrances … but I never allow them to overshadow what we are building together.

Bob was.

Holland is; and I love Holland.

Bob was #1 in my Past Life.

Holland is #1 in my Present Life & I never want him to feel otherwise.

There is no comparison. Bob fit my life then … Holland fits my life, now 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

Today being remembrance day, I have also dove-tailed the 2025 deaths that have affected both of us, into the memories stirred up:

My Earlier Post Today~2025 LOSSES; Coalinga-CA: https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/12/2025-losses-coalinga-ca.html

Today is also the 1st Day of Hanukkah 2025 🕎🕯️, and I do observe the holiday - not as much in this marriage as with my first husband; but more low-key in this marriage, as my current husband really struggles with my messianic faith. I strive for peace during holiday months 🕊️

So, since I no longer have a menorah and Holland would not look favorably on the festive candle lighting … I've decided to integrate the holiday back into my life privately 🎧🎸🎶 with a flameless observance and songs listened to with headphones on:

1st night.

Peter, Paul & Mary - 'Don't Let The Light Go Out' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ez1uoXFbPjA)

Lyrics:

Light one candle for the Maccabee children

With thanks their light didn't die;

Light one candle for the pain they endured

When their right to exist was denied;

Light one candle for the terrible sacrifice

Justice and freedom demand;

And light one candle for the wisdom to know

That the peacemaker's time is at hand!

Chorus:

Don't let the light go out,

It's lasted for so many years!

Don't let the light go out!

Let it shine through our love and our tears!

Lyrics:

Light one candle for the strength that we need

To never become our own foe;

Light one candle for those who are suff'ring

A pain they learned so long ago;

Light one candle for all we believe in,

That anger not tear us apart;

And light one candle to bind us together

With peace as the song in our heart!

(chorus)

Lyrics:

What is the memory that's valued so highly

That we keep it alive in that flame?

What's the commitment to those who have died?

We cry out "they've not died in vain,"

We have come this far, always believing

That justice will somehow prevail;

This is the burden, This is the promise,

This is why we will not fail!

(chorus)

Don't let the light go out!

Don't let the light go out!

Don't let the light go out!

Christmas Funnies #3~2025

 

2025 LOSSES; Coalinga-CA

There are people who will never enjoy holiday festivities again.

There are loved ones in our lives, who will not be having a happy holiday season this year.

Personally, this year has been a year of loss for both of us … and I am choosing today to say their Names, because today will always be a Remembrance Day for me, personally, so I will include the other losses in today's remembrance also:

Bob stepped off Earth and walked into Heaven at 8:05 AM, December 14th, 2018: I was there for him as I had been throughout our 44 years together. I never want him - or how his presence in my life made me a better person, to be forgotten.

My friend Becky stepped off Earth and walked into Heaven in the morning hours of March 29, 2025: I was in Kingman, AZ when I received the news.

My brother Sam - the 'baby', died July 29, 2025; I was informed of this occurrence when I logged into FB. His death was not a surprise … he had lived much longer than anyone ever anticipated, having cheated death at birth, and again following a major heart attack at age 13. His heart just finally gave out at age 64.

My husband's older brother died the afternoon of August 7, 2025; this death was a total surprise, as we had recently visited with him and he appeared hale and healthy. I liked Scott. Holland loved Scott.

My cousin died this weekend - I didn't really know him, but my thoughts are with his siblings.

2025 has been a hard year; I hope the Grim Reaper takes a break between collections in 2026.

I MOVE DIFFERENT NOW

It took me decades to grow into the person Yeshua created me to be & the person Elohim knew I can be.

It took me decades because I allowed people to distract me: some of those people were good people, with good intent - they meant well & were good for me in general; they are still in my life because their distraction is not destructive. And more often than not, we are beneficial to each other's personal growth. Some people were not good people, with good motives … but, you can't choose family, and it is what it is. I had let a lot slide; until the betrayal was no longer hidden, the destruction was so intense and the wounds so deep - I finally took off the rose-colored glasses and cut myself loose from the energy vampires so I could live. I'm enjoying the liberation with no regrets whatsoever.

Some people think I'm a cold-hearted bitch: I let them think whatever they need to think so they feel self-righteously comfortable in their own dysfunction - and when they get nosey about the "whys" of my decisions, I just tell them "it's none of your business". I've never lost any sleep over cutting people cold when they misuse and disrespect me … I have, however, lost a lot of sleep over trying to see the good in rotten people & feel the love from people devoid of love in any way-shape-or form. I slowly woke up to the necessity of cutting apron strings and moving on, because I believe in second - and even third chances. When the fourth, fifth, sixth-ect. chances resulted in total destruction of any relational redemption, I learned to walk through the smokey debris of bridges burned and learn to love myself the way I deserve to be loved - the way I lavished love on those who so callously discarded it.

I've learned to forgive those I will never hear an apology from: the act of liberating forgiveness is more for my benefit, than for theirs - they refuse it anyway, but it frees my heart from the soul-sucking bitterness of the situation.

I've learned to say "No" - "no" is a complete sentence that does not require an explanation.

I've learned to silence the phone, and to delete texts … without responding to inflammatory dialogue; or guilt-tripping rhetoric.

I've learned to close the door & ignore the insistent knocking of trauma drama blood suckers.

I've learned to post a no vacancy notice, and serve eviction notifications to those who used to rent space in my head.

I've learned that self-love is not sinful: it's actually the refreshing infusion needed to kick start an anemic life sucked dry by energy vampires.

I've learned most of this hard way personal growth, since my life tide changed the morning of December 14th, 2018.

Sometimes, the pruning process has been more recent over the past 3 years - but generally, my Life is currently in a good place because I no longer allow bad behavior to lead to anemic hemorrhaging … and I have people in my Life who want to be IN my Life: they, like me, carry baggage - but they share the burden so the weight is light for all involved. They are bridge builders, not gleeful pyromaniacs. They are by and large peaceniks, recognizing that silly self-serving-skirmishes just aren't worth the energy of engaging in anymore: we have better things to do with our time, and more productive ways to spend  our energy. We are adults; capable of individuality while helping each other thrive. These people are my tribe, and they get to stay in my circle.

And while heights make me feel uncomfortable … I find that I am not, in the least bit concerned, about my High Value Woman status, & I enjoy being greatly loved and highly favored - and I've learned to insist that others recognize my worth, also: I've paid my dues and there will be no apology forthcoming.