I MOVE DIFFERENT NOW

It took me decades to grow into the person Yeshua created me to be & the person Elohim knew I can be.

It took me decades because I allowed people to distract me: some of those people were good people, with good intent - they meant well & were good for me in general; they are still in my life because their distraction is not destructive. And more often than not, we are beneficial to each other's personal growth. Some people were not good people, with good motives … but, you can't choose family, and it is what it is. I had let a lot slide; until the betrayal was no longer hidden, the destruction was so intense and the wounds so deep - I finally took off the rose-colored glasses and cut myself loose from the energy vampires so I could live. I'm enjoying the liberation with no regrets whatsoever.

Some people think I'm a cold-hearted bitch: I let them think whatever they need to think so they feel self-righteously comfortable in their own dysfunction - and when they get nosey about the "whys" of my decisions, I just tell them "it's none of your business". I've never lost any sleep over cutting people cold when they misuse and disrespect me … I have, however, lost a lot of sleep over trying to see the good in rotten people & feel the love from people devoid of love in any way-shape-or form. I slowly woke up to the necessity of cutting apron strings and moving on, because I believe in second - and even third chances. When the fourth, fifth, sixth-ect. chances resulted in total destruction of any relational redemption, I learned to walk through the smokey debris of bridges burned and learn to love myself the way I deserve to be loved - the way I lavished love on those who so callously discarded it.

I've learned to forgive those I will never hear an apology from: the act of liberating forgiveness is more for my benefit, than for theirs - they refuse it anyway, but it frees my heart from the soul-sucking bitterness of the situation.

I've learned to say "No" - "no" is a complete sentence that does not require an explanation.

I've learned to silence the phone, and to delete texts … without responding to inflammatory dialogue; or guilt-tripping rhetoric.

I've learned to close the door & ignore the insistent knocking of trauma drama blood suckers.

I've learned to post a no vacancy notice, and serve eviction notifications to those who used to rent space in my head.

I've learned that self-love is not sinful: it's actually the refreshing infusion needed to kick start an anemic life sucked dry by energy vampires.

I've learned most of this hard way personal growth, since my life tide changed the morning of December 14th, 2018.

Sometimes, the pruning process has been more recent over the past 3 years - but generally, my Life is currently in a good place because I no longer allow bad behavior to lead to anemic hemorrhaging … and I have people in my Life who want to be IN my Life: they, like me, carry baggage - but they share the burden so the weight is light for all involved. They are bridge builders, not gleeful pyromaniacs. They are by and large peaceniks, recognizing that silly self-serving-skirmishes just aren't worth the energy of engaging in anymore: we have better things to do with our time, and more productive ways to spend  our energy. We are adults; capable of individuality while helping each other thrive. These people are my tribe, and they get to stay in my circle.

And while heights make me feel uncomfortable … I find that I am not, in the least bit concerned, about my High Value Woman status, & I enjoy being greatly loved and highly favored - and I've learned to insist that others recognize my worth, also: I've paid my dues and there will be no apology forthcoming.