WEDNESDAY HUMOR

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me …"

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord …" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done …"

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

CALM & PEACEFUL LIFE

Drink water from the spring where horses drink. The horse will never drink bad water.

Lay your bed where the cat sleeps.

Eat the fruit that has been touched by a worm.

Boldly pick the mushroom on which the insects sit.

Plant the tree where the mole digs.

Build your house where the snake sits to warm itself.

Dig your fountain where the birds hide from heat.

Go to sleep and wake up at the same time with the birds – you will reap all of the days golden grains.

Eat more green – you will have strong legs and a resistant heart, like the beings of the forest.

Swim often and you will feel on earth like the fish in the water.

Look at the sky as often as possible and your thoughts will become light and clear.

Be quiet a lot, speak little – and silence will come in your heart, and your spirit will be calm and full of peace.”

Another good one on living wisely: "Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!"