Holland & I met and became fast friends the Fall of 2021 - coffee dates happened in November of 2022 & by Christmas, we were a couple planning a solidified future.
Air Supply - 'Even The Nights Are Better' Lyrics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCnGC5bDhDw&list=RDZCnGC5bDhDw&start_radio=1
We were blissfully happy and never anticipated the storm that was brewing. We had met at a Fellowship gathering ⛪️ We both had been celibate for lengthy periods of time. We both came from Christian backgrounds & agreed we would have a Christian Marriage ✝️ We didn't expect perfect; we are wiser than that … but, we were riding high with hopes of a bright and happy life unfolding.
We both quickly found out 🤔 that a Christian Marriage does not mean clear or easy sailing: the discord sprung up very quickly when it became obvious to both of us that both of us have very different outlooks on Life in general - but our differences 😳 primarily revolved around Faith foundations, moral understandings, and Scriptural dictates on Christian behaviors.
Holland's Christian understand is loosey-goosey. Holland was raised a [preacher's kid] in a religious family network that closely resembles the 1960's counterculture such as 'The Children of God' & 'Jim Jones' Faith Temple' movements that originated in CA & swiftly spread among the freewheeling free spirits populating the PNW (CA-OR-WA); his parents were aspiring evangelists grabbing at the brass ring of spectacular notoriety akin to the likes of John Hagee & John Osteen - where Holland tells me, his father preached in both churches before they became mega ministries. At some point both parents became disillusioned, divorced, and eventually left the faith altogether. His siblings were snared by worldly pursuits that ended badly for all of them. Holland though, for all his loosey-goosey stubbornness, is actively seeking for a firmer foothold faith-wise and is trying to figure things out for a satisfactory conclusion. His stubborn machismo has settled down, and he's more open to a more discipline pathway forward. This is welcome progress.
My Christian understanding is firmer; more disciplined. I was not raised in a religious home: my childhood homelife seemed more like Hell than a safe haven - when I became a Christian in 1968, I did it alone and with the knowledge that I would be a hinderance and a liability to my parents and siblings … and that was okay with me because I wanted nothing more to do with the Hell that was being played out 24-7-365 under my parent's roof; Yeshua was my saving grace & is my Life anchor. Though I did live in my mother's house until I married Bob in 1974 & moved down the street to his house, I lived my life separate from my parents and siblings: that separateness is still activated today. Bob became a Christian in September of 1981, and passed into Glory in December of 2018. We had raised our children in the teaching of Christian homelife … but children are not robots and they eventually grow away from parents to forge lives of their own making: our children do not live a Christian life, nor have they raised their children with a Christian leaning - they live their lives separate from me. I did not enter the dating fray following my husband's physical death, as most widows do; I am a Christian and was widowed at age 62. Romance wasn't on my radar, and booty calls wasn't a thought entertained, I figured on living out my remaining years a solo lobo. But that wasn't Elohim's Plan, & Holland had been waiting a long time for me to show up in his life. When Elohim set His Plan in motion, I was skeptical. When Holland made his romantic move 🥰, I was surprised. When Yeshua opened my eyes 💘💝 to the love being so unexpectedly being offered me, I slowly became welcoming.
I entered a new marriage with caution. I know I am a lot for most people - I draw a very clear line in the sand; I have hard and fast boundaries. And I did warn Holland, saying upfront, "I will make you mad 😤😡, and I will do it often, without meaning to. I come with deep scars - Bob had to wade through a lot of past trauma, and carefully tread triggers. I am a lot 🤔😳 for most people; I keep my circle small and my tribe is a mixed bag that come with their own hurdles to clear. Are you sure you really want a piece of this?" He assured me, saying, "I waited a long time for you. I love you - I loved you then, I love you now. I want you." We married and have been tested sorely ever since.
But there have been celebrated victories too 👊👏, along the rocky route. Holland beat a Vicodin addiction ☝️ We both learned how to combat and overcome eroding triggers that sprung up over miscommunications that led to misunderstanding. We learned how to weather sketchy relationship tempests.
The term "covenant marriage" refers to the understanding of marriage as a divine institution, that transcends mere companionship, or romantic fulfillment. Happiness is what forges love and ultimately brings you together … but the overall goal & the primary purpose of marriage, is to foster spiritual growth and character development in both partners. Marriage is a powerful trajectory for personal transformation and a deeper relationship with Elohim.
Holiness Over Happiness: while happiness is a blessing, the ultimate goal of marriage is to cultivate holiness. This perspective encourages couples to view their relationship as a means to grow closer to Elohim - and reflect His character in their lives ☝️ ✝️
Of course happiness is a key component to marriage - people marry the person they find happiness with. But happiness is an inside job … the deep waters of marriage ofttimes creates turbulent waves where happiness begins to dissipate; and relational worry sets in, self-centered feelings overshadow, and undisciplined behavior cascades. This is when danger signs appear & concerning whirlpools occur.
Your thoughts, your actions, your beliefs are all heavily scrutinized: your entire being is laid bare & examined thoroughly; flaws are discovered, inconsistencies are highlighted, inquiring queries begin to sound like character assassinations, outright disagreements that lead to fiery arguments feel like open warfare, & silent withdrawals will lead to loneliness which will feel like abandonment.
Tom Petty - "Love Is A Long Road' song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOpuB5aSVF4&list=RDqOpuB5aSVF4&start_radio=1
This is when remembering that you have entered into a sacred covenant is vitally important.
Keeping your eyes focused on Elohim's Sacred Plan for your marriage, keeping your thoughts open to the Ruach HaKo'desh's guidance, and keeping your hearts open to the healing power of Yeshua's love is what will carry you safely and securely through the storms of life that threaten to capsize your marriage.
Elohim is on call 24/7/365 🙏: He listens without interrupting comment.
The Ruach HaKo'desh is always present 🕊️ - He comforts without unrelated comparisons.
Yeshua is a constant Companion; He walks beside us with an open empathetic ear, a loving compassionate heart, strengthens the wounded heart with wise counsel 👑 … & doesn’t interject the struggles He went through; when Yeshua says, ‘I am with you in this, you are not alone”, He means it.
{{The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)}}
I AM SO GLAD!
Thank You Yeshua, El Gibbor (Mighty One).
On another note …
Today, I did some aerobic body toning: although this workout is not actually considered an aerobic workout - according to workout coach Robbins; it will still improve your cardiovascular health if it gets you breathing heavily. The Darebee Sparrow Workout is designed to be a cardiovascular system workout, which can help improve aerobic endurance and cardiovascular fitness. For a 69-year-old woman, it is recommended to consult with a healthcare provider to ensure that the workout is appropriate for her specific health status and fitness level. The provider can provide personalized advice and guidance to help her safely and effectively engage in the workout. It is also advisable to listen to her body and take rest days as needed. The workout can be beneficial for building strength, losing weight, and improving fitness.
I don't do jumping exercises: with asthma, I do not have the lung capacity for that - and even if I did, at my age, jumping would be unwise. So, I improvise when necessary. I have included motion examples & alternative movements following the Darebee Worksheet printout …
We enjoyed the sunshine warmth … and took time adjusting to the news of his beloved Uncle George's death on Friday - that Holland learned last night via a Facebook announcement.
He should have received a phone call from his cousin Brad, who is up here from Texas and was taking care of his father following Brenda's death in December (Brenda is Brad's sister, and was caring for her father daily the past 2-1/2 years). Holland was hurt that no one called him, but he figures they are mad at him because he didn't go to Brenda's Celebration of Life, a few weeks ago. That's on them, and to my way of thinking, their behavior is inexcusable since they all know that Holland would have been in too much pain to make the long drive from here to Kingsburg. He would have gone if he could have stood the pain of a 2-1/2 hour drive & a couple hours' long schmoozing session: he simply could not have done it - even with me as a spot driver, it would have been too much pain burn to risk.
Their behavior is inexcusable because they all know (and have seen) how much pain he suffers with extended drives & visits. Since February of 2024, we have laid over at some point here in CA every 6 months, specifically to visit with Brenda & Uncle George - we made it a special point of actually visiting CA to spend our time and $$$$ here - when Holland would really avoid this state altogether except that those 2 lived here. Brenda knew that fact. Uncle George understood that fact. Brad knows that fact. Bruce knows that fact. Their bad behavior is inexcusable, from my point of view.
So, this month will be the last time we spend time in CA ... at least in this neck of the CA woods. Holland has a strong dislike for CA in general - and now, like he said, "there's really no reason left to come back here."
But, I too, found out about my youngest brother's death last summer, through a FB Feed: no private message … just an announcement posting between my sister & her FB pals. I called my niece to let her know - and she already knew; and never bothered to pass the news on to me. You find out real quick in times like this that you are not as close to people as you think you are. She was really the only active link I had to my siblings; and now that has come to a close.
Bad behavior - from anyone - is inexcusable.
Time shore each other up, soothe love balm on the trigger points; readjust, refocus, and renew our Game Plan.
In this renewed Chapter Two of our evolving union 💞, we are looking into 2026 with new eyes & moving forward with renewed hope towards a promised rewarding Life 👩❤️💋👨
It's gonna be different.
It's gonna be interesting.
It's gonna be good for US.
*February 7, 2026 - NATIONAL MARRIAGE WEEK #1~Self-Care 2026; Coalinga/CA: https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2026/02/national-marriage-week-1self-care-2026.html
