Today is our 2nd Wedding Anniversary … and like last year, Holland & I are glad - and surprised - to find that we have weathered yet another stormy season and crossed the finish line to chalk up another year's mark 😉
Last night, while we were sitting around winding down around bedtime, Holland remembered our Anniversary Day all by himself - no prods.
I was surprised.
I was happily impressed.
This year has been a particularly bad one for us: 3 major separations (the worst one taking place in Woodland-WA), and the last starting Thanksgiving Day (yeah - I know!), and ending shortly before Christmas this year. At one point, about a months ago while while driving home from Phoenix-AZ, I quipped, "Why don't we just call ourselves 'the Fighting Redmills' because no matter what I say, or do, you're going to find {a challenge} in it; and pick a fight with me … which, in turn, will bring out the fight in me."
He didn't like hearing that.
And he chewed on it. Silently - and thoroughly. He was finding it hard to face the man in the mirror.
So, when in frustration he asked, "What is it that you want form me?" - I unloaded on him. In a consolatory manner, but I did tell him exactly what I wanted in terms of "a man", and what I expect from "a husband". And the Redmill mindset did not compare!
I do not like - nor will I tolerate - cave men behavior.
And since he's the one wanting the separation's, and wanting to "be friends" … that's cool - we were good friends for 18 months before I even considered him more than that. I can "do friends"; but I do not do {friends with benefits}.
I do Wife with benefits.
I never, at any time, let him think otherwise.
He's the one that pursued me: he's the one that threw marriage into the mix - he's the one, with his projection angsts, that keeps causing stormy weather in our otherwise happy skies.
A man who is tender towards his wife is not "a domesticated pet".
A man who places his wife above everyone and everything is not "a pussified shell of a man".
And I ended his request with, "And if you actually opened the covers of any of those 10 Bibles you own to actually read how a man should treat his wife, we would not be having this conversation. I don't know what kind of Bibles yu'all were reading during the oft mentioned 'Bible Studies' you were having with your cousins around your Grandma's table … but I can guarantee that it was not reading the way my Bible reads. The men in my Bible are strong, yet tender towards their women; they are not chest-thumping, unscrupulous brutes. The women in my Bible are not mealy-mouthed, weak-spined, spiritless creatures that jump when barked at, or cower when towered over. Yeshua - Whom you claim to follow, never - at any time - belittled women by treating them {less than}; He never got a kick of watching them shrink into themselves whenever he was around to remind then that they are {only women}; He never shouted at them, "obey!": Yeshua, adhering to Elohim's Way instead of man's way - elevated women {to equal standing} before our Father; He was tender towards them, spoke them in gentle tones, and was kind always - even when bringing to their attention something that needed changing in their lifestyle (like the woman a the well, or Martha the sister of Lazarus, or the impulsive woman needing a healing). Yeshua is supposed to be the Man all Christian men model themselves after. If men claiming to be "followers of Christ" actually behaved as Christ commands them to do … their marital relationships would be a whole lot smoother, and their wives would find submitting a whole lot easier. I have no problem being your friend, Holland - but that will be {it}; if you want Biblical wife privilege's, then you have to start giving me Biblical husband privilege's without the Redmill stain all over the concept. And - anything a man can do for me, I can do myself with a lot less grief. Just sayin'"
Again, he chewed on what I said.
NOTE: All that said, I want to state clearly that Holland takes every opportunity to make Date Days, Vaca Time … and seriously pampers me - he always makes sure I have "walking around $$$"; he gets me out of the house "because my Baby needs her Day Out"; he is always feeding me - a nurturing provision. The only issue between us is his twisted view of marriage, due to the dysfunction of his father's upbringing concerning marital male and female interactions: it's seriously cave man mentality - and the women are just as bad, because they allow it! In all other ways, Holland treats me very well. Extremely well. So, what's the problem? The problem is that there are too many people with cave man mentality in his family, and on friends list, that he extends entirely too much freedom to interject unsolicited opinions concerning how we live our life.
My opinion is the only one that should matter when it comes to matters of US. He pledged to me. The Bible states he is to make me - his Wife - head of his table, alongside him. That is not just a matter of presence … it's a matter of consultations. A matter of trust. A matter of strength. A matter of unity. A matter of obedience to Almighty God.
I'm not sure if he did any reading during the last week of the last separation, or not; but he's back where he belongs, and he's attitude has changed for the better: it's practically where it was when we married 2 years ago.
In fact he said just that a few minutes ago when he came home with our Anniversary Pizza (so yummy!): "It's good to be laughing together, again. You're my best friend."
I feel like a slouchier, today, of all days!
I'm not doing anything much today - I've been feeling a little woozy since last night; Holland says it's from the dust in the air. And he's probably right. But, whatever the reason, I'm taking things slow, today.
We've been hungering for pizza. Holland braved the high winds rocking Independence, and the Air Quality Warning to drive 5 minutes up the street to place a pizza order and bring it back to our cozy nest:
We've been hankering for an olive branch; and got our olive branch moment around Christmas time.
We are feeling the feels we remember feeling when we began our life together before unrealistic perceptions highjacked our happy.
We are in a good place right now 😊
And the bunk room is once again my crafting space. And it's gonna stay that way, because (1) the Redmill marriage nonsense is exactly that - n.o.n.s.e.n.s.e., and it's ending with us (it may kills us, but one way or the other, it is ending with us) (2) I'm too freaking old to be switching entire rooms out every 6 weeks & (3) he knows he loves me and isn't happy without me in his life - even when he separates himself from me, he can't stay away from me; we're friends as well as spouses, even when he's acting like a louse: he admits he's "not going anywhere". He just wants things his way, because he's "the man" - he's "the husband".
Well, boo-hoo; cry me a freaking river: I'm "the Wife".
Commitment is important to both of us.
He's not going anywhere … out of house, or to the other end of the house, anymore: the bunk room is staying my Craft Room.
And we're going to be Happy Campers for the next 20 years, if Elohim grants us longevity enough to enjoy the concept of US 😊
We really are each other's Best Friend, despite our differences. Our life is never boring … a little rocky sometimes, but never boring.
We really are glad to mark our 2nd Anniversary together as a couple.
2-10-23 Post: ONE MONTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY:
https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2023/02/one-month-wedding-anniversary.html
We like the sound of free & easy laughter, joking banter, and sparking love vibes between us bouncing off the walls, again.
Holland remembered our Anniversary Day all by himself - no prods: that tells me a lot.
Any man who remembers his Wedding Anniversary without prodding from his wife, is a keeper 😉
We really are anticipating a happy & joyous future - with love couching the incoming years.
We are both adamant in this mindset, because we both know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the whole universe conspired to bring us together - and Elohim will make the way smooth to keep us together.
You can bank on that.
We are.
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