"TRUST ME"

November 11th: I woke up this morning and Holland asked me if I'd like to go see the Colorado River - then see the mountains. Of course I do; and he knows it. The only real decision was, did I want to be in the truck with him for an extended period of time … where there would be no escape if his amicable mood took a sudden sour turn.

He was letting me know he's trying.

But would it be a serious try - or a primrose path try? I'm tired of tripping down the root-strewn primrose path.

Trust has been broken.

I decided to risk it. If he's seriously trying, I don't want to be a bitch about it. On the other hand - I'm not ready to throw caution to the wind either, and jump back into a head-spinning-yo/yo'ing situation.

Same nail polish … different clothes, different costume jewelry.

Holland is trying today … he misses me; but does he miss me enough to stop the nonsense?

JANIS JOPLIN - 'TRUST ME' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9PYRML20hM)

The Redmill men live under a generational curse of leaving their women, and re-entering the marriage again whenever they feel like it; I'm not okay with that kind of twisted relationship … is Holland strong enough to break away from it, and be a 100% husband to me?

Driving along, he said, "You have a Heart CD, right? How about you slip that in the player?" I did - and wouldn't you know it - every single song was a sizzling love long. Holland tried to hold my hand over the console, but I'm not ready to get close yet. I said, "I'm not ready for this yet, Holland. You're sending mixed messages every 2 weeks, so until you really want to be in my life on a daily basis instead of in-and-out when you feel like it, let's leave things where they are for a while and see where it goes. Let Yeshua heal you, so you can give me all of you without any reservations."

It's gonna take time to rebuild trust; broken trust isn't repaired overnight.

I got busy looking out the passenger window. There is a lot of pain to work through before I'm ready to hold hands and hear whispered sweet nothings again.

This looks interesting - I like cooking ethnic meals; I like carribbean foods.

The Old Town Yuma Prison from after Civil War days … on my Bucket List ;-)

An old miner shaker 'deck'; used now to separate field rocks.

Bleu loves his roadtrips as much as I do ;-)

About an hour into the drive, I saw that we were in Bard … and knew we were in CA. I said, "This is the same road I was on yesterday afternoon … there's the Nazarene Church I passed on my way to the freeway, up ahead." Holland said, "What are the odds of being in the same place twice, in two days' time?" I couldn't resist … and said, "Maybe Elohim is telling you to pay attention and stick with your wife; I did ask you to join me on yesterday's drive, remember? Now, you're here with me today; you can't outrun God's Plan for your life."

We laughed - but Holland was thinking on what I said ;-)

Back in CA! GPS has a fascination with the one State Holland can't tolerate.

God's Plans won't be stopped.

Holland told me God gave him a vision of me as his wife … 35 years ago (he pursued me based on that vision); if that's true, then he's fighting against Elohim - not me.

GPS took us the loooong way to get to the Colorado River: through Yuma, into CA, and back to Somerton, near the mexican border … and back home, near the Yuma International Airport! And we never even got to see the river; but for a few minutes, we did talk to a Border Patrol fella as we drove along the dusty canal road, admiring President Trump's Border Wall.

Holland did try today to give me a 'close up view': apparently Elohim doesn't think I need to see the river - up close.

We never got to the mountains because trickster GPS took us far afield, which ate up time.

But we did spend time together. And we did talk without fighting. Laughter came easy, and the hours passed pleasantly ;-)

From Yuma #95 to CA freeway … looping us BACK to Yuma #95.

GPS's crazy train route.

Canal in Somerton-AZ; seeing a white heron symbolizes spiritual stillness, abundance, opportunities, and harmony. We can certainly use all of that in our lives, at the moment.

Everywhere we tried to get a glimpse of the river was filled with snafu's.

We need more of President Trump's Wall to get built.

We are directly across from the Colorado River, on the other side of The Wall.

Most of Yuma-AZ is farmland - miles into the horizons.

3-1/2 hours after we left home, we finally got to the Gonzales Fruit & Produce Stand up the road, about 20 minutes. We bought fruits to juice; and fresh vegetables for meals.

Holland made a tasty pork & vegetable stir-fry for Supper - it was delish!

Some of what we bought at the fruit & produce stand; these things were used in tonight's impromptu Supper.

The pork and veg's were ground, then stir-fried and served atop a baked yam. SO good!

He went out of his way, all day long, to give me a peaceful Shabbat Rest (and he really has serious issues with Shabbat observance).