Just Remember I Love You~Only You

Thursday, December 14, 2023

Just Remember I Love You~Only You

Today was the 5th year of Bob's spirit stepping off this Earth.

Today's tears were brief.

There were tears for me because I realized that today, for the first time in 5 years … there was NO GHOST MEMORY of Bob haunting the Day. I am 100% healed - and Holland coming into my life, and being a part of my life, did that.

There were tears for Holland … not for Bob; it is hard to be married to a widow. A man married to a widow lives with uncertainty - he knows with a certainty that the marriage did not end because love ended; and that leaves a lot of room for a lot of introspective questions.

I was married to Bob for 44 years; 3/4 of my life to date. I don't intentionally set out to bring him into every conversation, but all of my adult life, Bob was in my life: his name comes up when I am talking about foods I like to eat, things I enjoy doing, and places I have been. And for the most part … Holland is okay with that.

I can't help that. It was what it was - and it is what it is.

But it can get annoying.

Every thing about my life is edged with memories of a life I had with Bob: there is literally nothing I can do or say that Holland is not reminded of Bob. Overthinking begins to take the lead, and the atmosphere gets testy.

Misunderstandings on both sides eat away at everything.

Today, on this particular Day, I want Holland to KNOW that WE are a safe bet - a good and solid gamble. I want him to know that his love for me is safeguarded in my heart - I 100% love him for WHO HE IS in the moment in my Life going forward.

Holland; I love my big guy :-)

Holland in my life is not a replacement: he is a permanent resident of a New Life; a Life I built, with Elohim's help: a life Bob never shared. A Life Elohim structured to make a place for Holland, in (though it took me a while to acknowledge and admit; I did not get the vision when Holland, did ;-)).

My tears today were healing tears: the Past breezed by, finally closing the door behind it - and Holland, not knowing what Day today is; was told & verbally promoted to front of the line in the Life we are building.

I didn't have to tell him: but I wanted him to know that my love for him is as deep and as strong as my love for Bob was. I want Holland to know that his presence in my life is just as important as Bob's presence was. I want him to know that when I tell him I love him … it's the Real Deal, not a half-assed assurance.

I want Holland to feel safe entrusting his love to me. I want Holland to know that I am his safe person, who will hold his heart tenderly and will lovingly feed it goodness all the days of my life.

Holland; my handsome husband :-)

The ghost of Past love has been laid to rest, and it is a liberating feeling.

Bob was - Holland IS.

These 11 months have been hard ones (mostly due to misunderstandings); BUT there has also been good moments sandwiched between the hard ones, and these memories we will build on.