All I really want is a small, slow, simple life.
A mediocre life.
A beautiful, quiet, gentle life.
I think it is enough.
The world is such a noisy place. Loud, haranguing voices lecturing me to hustle, to improve, build, strive, yearn, acquire, compete, and grasp for more: for bigger and better … sacrifice peace for chaotic political aspirations. Strive for excellence - according to the educated elite's view of excellence; go big, or go home - have a huge impact in the world (aka, "Make your life count!")
What if all the striving for the educated elite's concept of acceptable excellence leaves me sad, worn out, depleted … drained of joy brought on by their joyless joy pep talks designed to make all of us deplorables, feel less than.
What if I never really amount to anything beyond daughter, sister, wife, mom and grandmother … but these people in my primary circle of impact, know they are loved - and that I would choose them again, given the choice.
What if I never build an orphanage in Africa but open-handedly offer shelter to people here and there, to those who need warmth and a helping hand? What if I just offer the small gifts I have been blessed with, to the world and let that be enough.
What if I don’t want to write a DIY book, build a six-figure business, or speak before crowds of thousands.
Why can't it be enough that I write because I have something to say and I invest in a small community of women I care about - and encourage them to love and care for themselves, and their loved ones, well.
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Bigger isn’t always better … and the individual matters.
I, and what I can offer, should be enough.
What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither big nor small: just in between. And I tend to it and keep it healthy, make peace with it, and decide that when I lie on my deathbed I will never regret having just been ME. The way Yeshua created - and designed - me, to BE.
What if I am a mediocre home manager who rarely dusts, mostly maintains order, and makes real food - but sometimes buys pizza or tacos. A haus frau, who loves to menu plan and budget … but then breaks her own rules and pushes back against rigidity. Who doesn’t care about House Beautiful decorating and useless fancy things. A simple living woman, whose home is humble but safe.
What if I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society and cannot even begin to keep up. What if I just want a beautiful, quiet, gentle life know that needs lots of solitude and calm, an abundance of rest, and broad bands of unscheduled time in order to be healthy. Body, Mind, Spirit healthy. That should be enough.
What if I am too religious for some; and not spiritual enough for others. To bold for some - and not bold enough, for the rest. Yet always willing to share in a gentle manner; in genuine 1-on-1-relationship … my deeply rooted faith. And to humbly share my doubts and insecurities. This will have to be enough.
And if I have been married years and love my husband more today than yesterday but break the “experts” marriage rules because our marriage suits us and not the experts world view of conditional marriage: is our marriage good enough?
What if I am just a plain woman who wants a simple life: a grandmother who delights in her grandkids; a mother who needs time for herself and sometimes just wants to be first, and acknowledged as principal shareholder in familial hierarchy; a wife who loves, hugs, affirms, and supports her husband. A mediocre haus frau, happy in her little kingdom.
What if I embrace my limitations and quiet the world's railing against them. Make peace with who I am, and what I need to honor the Life Elohim has blessed me with. Accept that all I really want is a small, slow, simple life.
A mediocre life.
A beautiful, quiet, gentle life.
I think it is enough.
That is what Shabbat means to me.
An Island of Rest where I find respite from the world's pulling and grasping. A 24-hour period of time where I can tend to the needs and wants of my Body, Mind, Spirit.
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