I have been craving chicken pot pie … so, that's what was in my thoughts when I woke up this morning; it's a simple meal to warm the spirit and body when arriving Fall's crisp nip is felt on the air. I'd have to go to the store to get some chicken broth - and Holland suggested we drive to the beach while headed in that direction.
We are scheduling more relaxing moments in our days; other than check-out time when it's time to pack up and mosey down the highway, there's no real hurry to anything our days hold for us.
I'm game for anything that tames the stressors beast; we're back on track again, and want things to stay that way.
Driving down Bay Avenue in Ocean Park, Holland turned up the radio when Berlin's song, "Take My Breath Away" song, came over the air waves. He said, "You might know this song." I was quiet for a few minutes before I replied, "Yes. I know it." I had mentioned earlier this month that September thru December are hard memories for me. Last year they weren't too hard to get through, but this year, with all the chaos, the hard memories are hard. I was keeping my tone light because I don't want the Past to tread too heavily on the Present during these hard weeks, but Holland knows me pretty well by now. He asked, "Memories?" I said, "Yes." And he simply said, "Okay. I'll just turn the radio off for now." I was okay with that. I said, "I'm sorry. I do like that song, but that song is connected to the Past: I'm trying to build a cache of songs that fit our Life together." He's okay with that.
A lot of damage was done this past July, that make the hard memories harder. And Holland is trying hard to make things right. Loving a widow is not an easy task - careless words and the threat of abandonment catapults our emotions back in time … to when our special person was suddenly gone and we were abruptly and callously cut off from those living, that we thought would be there for us in our darkest hours. Instead, angry words, and ridiculous accusations, were flung at us; and we were quickly abandoned when familial ties were abruptly severed. It took me a very long time to heal, and build a survival life. I am careful about who I let close to me. I am careful about who holds my heart. A lot of angry damage was done in July: Holland was not considerate, or careful, with my heart. Even with forgiveness, and focused rebuilding … the innocence and first blush of new love has been seriously bruised: it will take time for me to trust again. To heal again. He says, "That was a long time ago"; I say, "Three months is not that long ago: things came to a head in July, but it's been a long year getting to July's ordeal."
My circle is very small - my tribe is very selective. When I allow someone into my circle deep enough to marry them and weave them into the fabric of my tribe, it's a very big deal. I have only given my heart to 2 men in my entire life; I never played the relationship games some people relish; I take commitment seriously. It takes time to rebuild trust. It takes time to feel secure in a challenging marriage. Widows are not like other spouses - we have gone through the deepest heart wrench, and chaotic life experience, imaginable. We view life differently now. We feel differently. We react differently. We expect differently. We quickly get disoriented when the ground under our feet keeps shifting - brain fog sets in again, and our emotions get caught in the yo-yoing boomerang effect again. We do not want people playing emotional games with us. Stable footing is important to us; chaos is not a welcome companion. We crave calm. We need a peaceful environment.
Holland understands that now. And he is diligently working at righting the wrongs.
Cody Johnson - 'I Ain't Going Nowhere Baby' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjDHmZHXF24)
I understand his angsts better now. I truly have forgiven the hurts. And I am diligently working towards a stronger union, too.
Our marriage is a strange experience for both of us; our song cache will be a mixed bag.
These songs fit our Present:
Bryan Adams - 'Everything I Do' song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0pdQU87dc8
Metallica - 'Nothing Else Matters' song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkj6-LN6WKI
Scorpions - 'Still Loving You' song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UVO7BMUQzQ
Nicolette Larson - 'Lotta Love' song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpFfjWdhROU
When we got to the beach, we saw that the kites riding the ocean winds today, were not the same as yesterday.
Some were huge. Some were smaller. A few were strangely unidentifiable … but they were all colorful ;-)
We also saw a strange jellyfish blob - and noticed that the blobs were stranded on the sand up and down the beach, in both directions.
More kites at the beach, today; the dragon caught my eye, then the parrot, sea horses, alligator, centipede …
Cannonball jellyfish blobs littered the beach in every direction.
The Cannonball jellyfish (Stomolophus meleagris) lives in tropical to semi-tropical saltwater estuaries and coastal shorelines in the Atlantic, Pacific, and Gulf of Mexico: (https://coastalgadnr.org/cannonball-jellyfish#:~:text=in%20weight-,Habitat,water%2C%20usually%20by%20the%20shoreline.)
Holland said it was strange that the jellyfish hadn't been picked to pieces by the flocks of seagulls; I said that the birds probably know that jellyfish pack a powerful sting - even dead, washed-up jellyfish can sting.
On the way home, I bought the broth necessary to make tonight's supper meal, and a cucumber for the salad meal planned for tomorrow.
It feels good to be cooking meals for a husband again :-)
For tonight's meal, I used a portable hot plate & "do-it-all" counter top oven.
Chicken Pot Pies are normally made with pie crust … but, I chose to make my pie as a casserole with a cornbread topping: I've never done this before (nor seen a recipe like this). It is strangely different, but just as tasty. Chicken and cornbread just naturally go together :-)
Holland likes this meal (I'm glad), so it's a repeat.
==MY CHICKEN POT PIE w-CORNMEAL TOPPING CASSEROLE ~serves 2 or 3
1 TBSP Butter * 1 TBSP all-purpose Flour * 1 tsp. Salt (I used a salt substitute) * dash of grnd. Black Pepper * dash of grnd. Thyme * 1/4 c. Chicken Broth (homemade, or bullion) * 1/4 c. light Cream * 1 Chicken Breast, boned, & cubed * 1/2 c. frozen Peas * 1 small carrot, peeled & diced * 1 medium-size cooking potato, diced * 1/2 Onion, diced (red, white, or yellow; your choice) * 1/2 cup Mushrooms, sliced * 1 box of Jiffy Cornmeal Muffin Mix * 1/3 c. milk * 1 egg
Chicken Pot Pie ingredients …
Spray the bottom of a small skillet with cooking oil, and slowly cook the chicken over low heat; remove from heat when cooked through.
In a medium cooking pot melt butter over Low heat; stir in the broth & cream.
In a measuring cup, blend the flour & seasonings until smooth - add to the butter mixture in the pot, and turn the heat up to medium-high: boil for 1 minute, or until the sauce thickens to a light gravy texture.
Portable Hot Plate.
Sauce cooking.
Remove pan from heat; add chicken bits and veggies, & gently stir until thoroughly mixed.
Blending veggies with sauce …
Prepare the Cornmeal Muffin mix according to package directions, and pour over chicken pie filling.
Lightly spray foil baking pan, and add blended chicken mixture; spread the cornmeal mixture over the top, leaving space along the pan edges for steam to escape so there will be no oven messes to clean up.
Casserole ready for the oven.
And into the Oven, it went; 425-degrees = 40 mins.
Carefully place chicken pie casserole in the oven, and cook at 425-degrees for 20 minutes (check topping, & cover with foil so it does not get over browned). Continue cooking casserole 15 to 20 minutes more (ovens are different - check casserole after 35 minutes to see how the veggies are coming along; if you need to add more minutes, that's okay = do not bake more than 40 minutes).
I covered the cornbread after the first 20 minutes.
CAREFULLY remove casserole from oven (foil pans are not as sturdy as metal or glass pans) - a few days ago, Holland showed me how to slide a dinner plate under the hot foil baking pan to move it from the oven to the hot pad, on the counter top: I was a little nervous doing that tonight … but it went well, and the whole thing was shifted without a snafu ;-)
The weird design is from the cooking sheet I covered the topping with; but otherwise, the casserole was delish ;-)
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