Yesterday was my grandson, Azariah's, 12th birthday.
This is the 1st year … in 12 years … that I have not cried with the missingness.
I credit that blessing with the presence of Holland in my Life.
It is hard to continue to show up in a life that has been seriously altered: the scenario has drastically changed. The landscape is unfamiliar. Even happy memories carry a haunting heaviness. All the newness of a New Life can be exciting & rewarding … but, it can also be very disorienting & and a bit scary when stepping into a new script unfolding on shaky ground.
Holland brings a freshness into my Life.
His ever vigilant protectiveness offers secure peacefulness.
He is buoyantly optimistic.
He is calmly encouraging.
His love is steady - even on black mood days.
I am no longer comfortably numb; with him all jets are firing - he introduced me to life, again. With my hand tucked into his, I feel a relaxation I can safely rest in. Year 4 is looking very good.
He is everything I need to stabilize, and balance, a life that went seriously sideways in the winter of 2018 - and was completely erased the July of 2020.
I kept (and keep) showing up.
He shows up.
The old script is being flipped 💝
Life, again, is very good 😘
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