I'm working on me; this crazy marriage has undone all the progress I had made over the hard won gains of 2019 to 2023. So, I am pulling back & starting to set my life up for what works for me. I am currently rearranging some things in my life. And that’s okay. Life is always changing course, and we have to go with the flow: things change, people change – life goes on.
My new husband is a bully - and I know that is a direct result of his childhood traumatic brain injury, inflicted on him by his oldest brother. But I have issues I am dealing with too, and I can't allow the bully tactics to continue. Mr. Complication is going to have to learn to change behavior patterns that are more habit that injury. Mr. Complication is going to have to accept that there are certain people, and certain places, that I don't want to be around … and all the shouting, temper tantrums, hurtful words, and manipulative love bombing tactics are not going to sway me: all that will do is make me angry, and push me further away. I don’t allow anyone to tell me what to do, how to think, what mindset to adopt, and who’s agenda to get behind: I never have, and I never will.
When this cruel behavior started I attributed it to a narcissistic pattern, but it's really more of a fallout from brain injury and lousy parental influences - these are learned behavioral patterns that he allows to piggyback on his disabilities. I have tried to overlook how bad things were because I know he also struggles with work related injuries that cause painful physical flareups; but thinking positively, and wishing and hoping, only goes so far when it continually butts up against the cold reality of unrelenting bullying. The New Life I had hoped for has been strangled to death under the relenting redmill psych ward trauma dramas that have not allowed us a single easy breath the entire time we've been together as a couple; and there's no chance of a rebirth with sketchy chapters unfolding.
I need to adapt a new way to live in the current circumstances.
That's what I'm engaging in.
I want honest-to-God real changes happening.
I do not want flamboyant gestures to gain my compliance.
I do not want to hear flattering words designed to manipulate.
I do not want road trips full of love bombing that will explode later on at home and totally be undone because the trip was a buttering-up-episode meant to soothe me when he decides to spring a bully tactic on me.
I am d.o.n.e. with all of that.
I have my own stuff to work out. I don't have any more time to waste on person who thinks being a gentle, genuine caring person, is akin to being "a pussified house pet!" I'm not making any more space for disrespect in my Life. I don't deserve it. I don't want it. I wouldn't allow it anymore.
Yesterday's Blog Posting: I'M NOT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE; Coalinga-CA: https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/09/im-not-like-everybody-else-coalinga-ca.html
We woke up to rain, followed by thunder & lightning. Holland tried to keep me in bed … but I held firm to my boundaries and wiggled loose.
I'm no longer accepting fickle love bombing maneuvers from my bullying Taurus man.
While the clouds cried, and the skies rumbled; I pulled a package of hamburger from the freezer, and set a supper plan in motion:
I also noticed that Holland's Bible had been pulled from it's hiding place; not sure what he's up to, but I'm immune to it, whatever [it] is. This is a familiar game move of his to get on my good side. I'm not playing his game anymore.
If - and that's a very chancy if - he is seriously seeking Elohim's help, then I applaud him; he needs help, and he refuses help from me, because accepting help from me would make him a pussified house pet.
I can stand back and let Elohim work this mess out. After all, it is Elohim that paired us together.
Holland tried to love bomb me all day today, but I'm not going there anymore: I'm tired of being hurt.
We ate supper; Holland napped, and I worked some toning exercises. Taking care of the body is just as important as taking care of the soul.
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