April 23rd: I woke up to bird song 🎶 … and spotted a robin in the front yard; the grounds keeper had been around to mow the grass the other day & it's been raining off and on, here - the robin was probably finding wiggly snacks laying around; as worms came to the surface flushed out by the rain, or lured out by the mower vibrations.
While my morning cup of joy juice ☕️ was dripping into my coffee mug, I looked in the mirror while brushing my hair, and instantly regretted it: I looked rough 😕 I haven't been sleeping much - apparently I had been coughing pretty hard while sleeping; I saw by my mirrored reflection that there were strain marks on my face, around my eye socket area & upper cheekbone area. WA weather 🤧 is raising hell with my asthma: my lungs are strained, draining mucus has irritated my throat & keeps my stomach so upset that food no longer appeals, my ribs ache with the constant coughing, and my solar battery is so freaking low 🥱 that I'm sleeping my life away 😴 My poor body needs some sunshine 🌞
This entire week has been moving forward in slow mode 🐌
Around noon, Holland showed up with a bagged lunch: he'd been out and about and said he felt guilty eating his taco salad without me … so, he brought me one, saying he was also worried about my breathing issues. I thanked him & put the salad in the 'fridge for later, if my stomach would accept the food. He saw the strain marks: I told him I was struggling, but not enough to be seriously concerned. I have my Asthma Check Flow Meter & a couple inhalers: I'll be fine … and I'll live as long as Elohim ☝️ graces me. I've been managing my environmental asthma long before he was in the picture - especially during those solo lobo widowing years when there was no one but me to be concerned whether I lived or died. I know what to do. I learned how to rely solely on myself & how to beat back the crouching fear of solo lobo "what if's" - I'll breathe as long as Elohim grants me life extensions. I'm not afraid. It was kind of him to be concerned 🦁, but I don't want to be a burdensome responsibility.
He stayed for a bit, talking. Eventually the talk settled on Lana & her importance in his life. I don't care that he's known her since childhood. I don't care that she's his SIL. What I care about, is that he places entirely too much importance on her. Period. His first wife was Lana's sister & that ended disastrously … probably for the same reasons this marriage of his is floundering: Lana, and her place in his life … which no doubt led & is leading to alienation of affection. He is discussing with Lana what should be & needs to be discussed with his Wife; the woman who is living with him and banking on sharing a life with him. He can't seriously hope to build a life with wife he does not fully share his life with. Discussions about his home life, his health, waffling about choice decisions, ect. needs to be done with the wife - not the SIL.
I know 💯 that Holland is not physically cheating on me. But faithfulness goes beyond the physical - it also involves emotions & spirituality: both, of which, are pretty sketchy with him 🤔 at the moment.
Alienation of affection.
It's a real thing.
And it causes real damage 💔
Loyalty involves keeping everything home … including convo's - if you're taking it somewhere else, you're breaking trust 🤨
And trust is hard to repair.
If & when he comes back home, he'll have to leave Lana & [the family] alpha male interpretation of Wife and her {place} behind. Faaaar behind.
There is no place in my life for a man who thinks like andrew tate or mark driscoll - I may agree with those two that American men need to toughen up & stop being feminized … but, that's where I draw the line. I do not want the toxicity of warped masculinity in my life, or my home. Both males teach a wrong-minded version of manhood that elevates subjugation of women to the point of making them a little higher on the totem pole than a dog - and basically thinks it's okay to treat them like glorified whores, than equal partners in marriage.
The world has andrew tate … and charismatic mega "churches" have mark dricoll. Both are dangerous threats to both the male population, and the female population.
Neither mindsets will work with me. It is apparent, listening to those 2 boneheads flap their yaps, that both have serious issues with women - and those angry viewpoints are what both boneheads have built their careers on: andrew tate was raised by his mother, and is a recent muslim convert caught in the grip of blame-shifting angst - his angry, degrading remarks about women, tell you all you need to know about how he views the female population; mark driscoll's background is murky with varying claims stating he was born in WA State or North Dakota; born into a roman catholic family - or traveling the USA with evangelical evangelist parents; raised in a highly dysfunctional family in a rough Seattle-WA neighborhood … or living as a gypsy pastor's kid, on the road traveling from to place; had an affair that led to his demotion in the church he founded in Seattle, or is faithfully married to a woman who enjoys being treated as a brainless twit to sexually serve a man with caveman tendencies as they preach on "reflecting the values of love, faith, and dedication" - it seems that mark driscoll is a very complicated person living a lie, no matter what side of the fence he is standing on. ALL of his sermons are dedicated to angrily listing all the evils of the female population while encouraging male sector to raise up and take control; to "put women in their place". Always couched with a sexual conveyance, tickling the ears of similarly angry males with a bone to pick & holding a grudge. At some point in adulthood, one has to stop blaming their parents and start taking responsibility for their own choices in how they view life and choose to live it.
Every person was created with a specific purpose.
Every person was given a life to live that will bring that specific purpose to fruition: a cookie cutter interpretation, based on personal experiences is not workable for everyone … and has no place in the pulpit, where the Word is to be taught absent of self, and laser-focused on Elohim, alone.
It seems our conversations always come back to the same subjects: misinterpretation of The Word - and a lopsided importance of family loyalty. He gets frustrated 🤨 & I get a migraine headache 😩
He wants an immediate fix - with little to no change on his end 🤠😎 & I want a fix that includes stable 💞 & long-lasting change 🤝💎 that will go the distance 👩❤️💋👨
Leaving, he said, "I know God's working on cleaning up, and polishing, my rough edges. I'm in this thing for the long haul, but learning to bend sucks."
I agree.
But bending is better than breaking. I'm going to honor the pledge I made before Almighty God - it won't be easy, but I'd rather struggle with this marriage; than struggle against Elohim.
For myself, I'm practicing mindful activities - most important now is mindfully keeping my angina & asthma symptoms in check. Neither are curable conditions, and I've come to peaceful mindset about both conditions. I don't want to be stressed out all the time - it's not good for me, on any level. And I don't want someone worrying over me 24/7/365, overly concerned about my mortality; it's true I do have life-threatening issues, but I don't want someone hovering over me - constantly worried about my next breath, or a missed heart palpitation: I am aware of both, I've lived with both all my life, and heightened concern is an added stress I really don't appreciate. I want to live my life as fully as I can, enjoying every savored breath. Feeling alive with every heart beat. Living in the moment without regret & hopeful for another moment.
I don't entertain fear & I don't want my life weighed down by anyone else's fear. I understand my husband's concerns … but I don't want to live my life shadowed by fearful fallout of his siblings' drug-related deaths. I don't play with my Life. I don't live riskily. I would like to enjoy my Life with my husband - aside form [family] entanglements that are making happiness hard to hang on to.
Anyhoo …
In the meantime, I'm doing what I have to do; and enjoying the peace.
Herbs and natural dietary supplements. Many people use herbs, plants, and supplements, especially Chinese herbs, to treat asthma. It’s not clear how well many of them work. More research is needed on supplements like magnesium and fish oil (omega-3 fatty acids). But vitamins C, D, and E may help lower the risk of symptoms.
Asthma diet. Learning & avoiding trigger foods may also help with some asthma symptoms.
Lean diet. Several studies have found benefits for people with asthma who follow the Mediterranean diet 👨🍳🥘🥧🍲🥣🥗 It involves lots of fruits 🍋🥥, vegetables 🧄🥔, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and healthy fats like olive oil. You eat more fatty fish 🐟 and poultry 🥚🍗 than red meat 🥩 Experts think this diet helps with asthma symptoms because it helps fight inflammation in your body.
A similar eating plan 📝 called DASH (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) may also improve asthma control.
The Mediterranean diet is a smart template for healthy, low-inflammation eating, and it may lower your cortisol levels. A Mediterranean diet focuses on healthy fats and plant-based eating:
Plenty of fruits and vegetables
Beans, lentils and nuts
Whole grains, like whole-wheat bread 🍞🥖 and brown rice
Extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO) as your primary cooking and dressing oil
Fish rich in omega-3 fatty acids
Cheese and yogurt in moderate amounts
Protein from chicken 🍗, turkey 🦃, fish 🐟, and beans
Little to no red meat 🥩
Little to no sweets 🍪🍫🍣🧁🎂🍰 🍩, sugary drinks ☕️🍵, or butter
Wine only in moderation 🍷🍾 (or not at all)
Weight loss. Most people who have extra pounds carry them in the middle of their body. This can make it harder for your lungs to work ⚕️🌬️ Losing weight can improve lung volume and lower your chances of conditions that make asthma worse, like diabetes or high blood pressure. It may also make exercise easier tea 🏋️♀️🧘 , which could improve your asthma symptoms.
Stress management. Emotional stress 🤷♀️ 🤦🏻♀️ may also contribute to a weaker immune system 🛌, increasing the risk of respiratory complications 🩺
Caffeine. Caffeine ☕️ is a mild bronchodilator, which means it helps open your airways 😁 Studies 🧐📝 have found that it may improve airway function in people who have asthma.
Breathing exercises. Stress may trigger asthma symptoms. Breathing exercises 🌬️ have been found to help some people with asthma control breathing and relieve stress, a common asthma trigger.
Go outside - studies show that just 20 minutes in green spaces 🌳🍃🌷 outdoors; such as parks, or woods, can significantly lower your cortisol levels.
There’s no specific "cortisol diet," but there are diet patterns you can adopt 👌 for nutritious eating to help reduce inflammation and slow cortisol production in your body. Research shows 🧐📝 that certain types of foods can help lower cortisol, such as:
Foods high in magnesium: avocados, bananas, dark chocolate 🍫🍣, broccoli, and spinach
Foods high in omega-3 fatty acids: fish 🐟 (anchovies, salmon, tuna), chia seeds, flax seeds, and walnuts
Foods that promote a healthy gut: Greek yogurt, kombucha, and sauerkraut
A diet high in high-sugar foods and drinks, alcohol, and caffeine can spike your cortisol levels.
Exercise daily. Boost your aerobic fitness 👟⏱️🏋️♀️
Get plenty of restful sleep 😴
The DASH diet (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) is a heart-healthy ❤️🩹 eating plan 🍽️ designed 🧐📝to lower blood pressure and improve overall cardiovascular health ⚕️
The DASH diet emphasizes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and low-fat dairy, while limiting saturated fat, added sugars, and sodium. It was developed to help prevent or treat high blood pressure (hypertension) and may also reduce LDL cholesterol, a key risk factor for heart disease and stroke. The diet is flexible, does not require special foods, and can be adapted to individual calorie needs.
Fruits and Vegetables: Rich in potassium, magnesium, and fiber, which help regulate blood pressure.
Whole Grains: Provide fiber and essential nutrients while supporting heart health.
Lean Proteins: Includes fish 🐟, poultry 🥚🍗🦃, beans, and nuts.
Low-Fat Dairy: Fat-free or low-fat milk, yogurt, and cheese.
Limited Sodium: Standard DASH allows up to 2,300 mg of sodium per day, while a lower-sodium version restricts intake to 1,500 mg 🧂 per day.
Reduced Saturated Fat and Added Sugar: Minimizes fatty meats 🥩, full-fat dairy, and sugary foods 🍪🧁🎂🍰 🍩
Lowers Blood Pressure: Effective within weeks of adherence.
Supports Heart Health: Reduces risk of heart disease ❤️ and stroke.
Weight Management: Can aid in weight loss when combined with calorie control.
Metabolic Benefits: May lower risk of metabolic syndrome, diabetes, and certain cancers ⚕️
Overall Nutrient-Rich: Provides potassium, calcium, magnesium, fiber, and protein essential for long-term health.
Portion Control: Follow daily and weekly serving recommendations based on calorie needs.
Meal Planning: Incorporate fruits and vegetables into every meal 🍽️📝; choose whole grains over refined grains.
Cooking Methods: Bake, broil, or poach lean meats; avoid frying.
Sodium Awareness: Check nutrition labels and limit processed foods; use herbs and spices instead of salt.
Flexibility: No need to eliminate treats entirely 😊; focus on overall dietary pattern 👍
The DASH diet is suitable for most adults, especially those with high blood pressure or at risk for cardiovascular disease, and can be maintained as a long-term, sustainable eating style for overall health.
I checked a couple of Blog Hops - most of the hostesses I've known via the airwaves fro decades; sometimes I have something to contribute - sometimes, I just scroll through the posts reading. This afternoon, I noticed that one of my patterns had been featured on a Blog Hop:
And, I'm continuing to work on my PTSD triggers - the best way I know, is to eliminate them entirely; which is tricky 🙄 when you're married to one of those triggers 🤨
Burn away preconceived notions.
Burn away words would steal your joy.
Burn away assumptions.
Burn through fears that others try to place on you.
Burn away ego.
Burn away doubt that others try to place on you.
Burn away beauty standards that are unrealistic - I am reminded that I need a new cache of makeup; updated, & fresher to fit the gray hair I now wear.
Burn through the lack of self worth others try to force on you.
Burn away the projections of others.
Burn the bridges to ones that you always showed up for - but who never showed up for you.
Burn your heart so bright that every breath you take you hold great gratitude for yourself and your mighty journey.
Burn bright dear one.
The collective needs you: while it is true that we all have our own row to hoe and our own journey to walk - it is also true that none of us is an island. All of our lives are, in some way, all intertwined. We learn from each other. We strengthen each other from our Life Lessons.
The Day's coffee infusion sated, lunch taken care of, a visit enjoyed, a settling of a personalized health undertaking, decided … I went back to bed: my thoughts were reined in, and my poor body was totally exhausted by even the simplest motion of activity.
Staying alive is hard work.
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