THIS DAY IN 2025; Ocean Park-WA

Today is my daughter's BD; 51 years

Holland asked if I wanted to call my daughter … and I gave an empathic "No." If she wants to reach out to me, I'm good with that - but she chose this silence by telling me she "isn't interested in building a bridge" between hearts; she chose to end all contact between us in 2020 & she forbids me to even talk to my grandchildren, so she can make the first move to right this situation: I'm done running after her for acknowledgment of my existence, or begging for space at her table.

Holland doesn't understand because his family feeds on major dysfunction: I chose otherwise. I do miss my daughter & grandchildren, but they will have to make the 1st move towards me; over the past 42 years, I've had all the rejection from my daughter, that I can stand. No contact any more, is her choice.

My choice to allow her, her choice, is not made out of meanness … it is made out of a will to live happily, joyfully, and FULLY the few years I have left to walk this Earth. She has to decide for herself if she will walk those years with me. If she will allow her children (oldest, 31 & youngest, 11 in a couple weeks), to have contact with me. Until she snaps out of her funk and gets real, I will respect her choice … and, she will always occupy a piece of my heart that is hers alone.

Earlier in the morning, we had driven into Ilwaco-WA; to check out the Saturday Market, there - but we didn't see anything that piqued our interest enough to pull over and stroll through the tent area.

Temperature today, in Ocean Park-WA  BRRRR!

On our way home from Ilwaco, we stopped at David's place in Long Beach, and had a brief chat with him, his son, and DIL. They were busy with property cleanup, so we didn't stay more than about 45 minutes. We were invited to a fireside get-together at dusk - and we considered it, as we turned Betsy towards home.

Being at the beach causes my thoughts to meander through past memories here: especially today.

2 important notations for Today …

I posted them on FB after we got back home.

The fella on the right with my wolf under his leg is the man who was responsible for my daughter's BD, today:

The fella on the left, with the rott, was our friend David Hargrove - he came into our lives in 1983, fresh from a motorcycle accident in Idaho: he had ridden with several {gangs}, but the ones we knew about were the Hell's Angels, the Bandito's, & the Gypsy Jokers - Bob knew several Gypsy Jokers before we married, so he and Dave got along well. I trusted him 100% around my children & grandchildren. He became a fast friend in 1983, and was a life-long friend until his death in 2014 … on this Day - my daughter's 40th BD, then (today, this year - is her 51st BD: how is that even possible! I do not feel that old 😉). He left Earth knowing that soon our family would be blessed with a new baby: a boy! that would arrive the end of June, that year; he was happy for us - I wished he could have stuck around to meet our new grandson. David died in Ilwaco-WA & his ash urn was buried on his property alongside Sandridge Road, in Long Beach-WA

My wolf, Precious, went ahead of David in the Fall of 2013.

My Husband Bob, followed David's departure, 4 years later in the Winter 2018.

This May 24th … when my new Husband Holland, & I, drove past that little house along Sandridge Road, I am missing them all 😔❣️

When I checked my FB Page a couple hours later, there were comments and a private message:

Holland is still taking prescribed antibiotics for the gash on his calf, and they make him drowsy - so, he slept for about 3 hours … got up, stumbled into the livingroom … and promptly fell back asleep in his recliner, for another 2 hours.

I shot a text to David, informing him that we'd be staying in for the night: we do want to visit - but right now, Holland's leg healing is more pressing.

Holland relaxing with a healing nap.

He woke up long enough to eat Supper.

Then he took a shower - and went back to bed.

I'm glad his body is finally getting the rest it needs to properly heal; thank the Lord ❤️

SOUL SINGING SOFTLY; Ocean Park-WA

1972 Christian Music, Love Song -  'Love Song' ~ Full Album: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66DlLkh6o4Q)

Both Holland & I need to lose weight. Serious weight loss.

The inhalers are the culprit; but until our healings come through 🙏, our lungs need them 😟

I woke up thinking the other day that the only way this would be possible was to stop eating for a few days - Holland apparently has the same inspiration, because as soon as the sleepy cobwebs were cleared from his thoughts, he said, "I'm thinking about going on a 72 hour Fast".

BINGO! 👍

Confirmation.

I readily agreed 😁

I chose Monday thru Wednesday … so, that is how I started off this week: and I did it. Holland didn't think I could - but, I have fasted before, and I knew I could do it. I honestly did not feel hungry during that entire length of time: when I set my mind to do something, it is s.e.t. 😉

Holland, because he is taking medications, needs to eat something light during his days, so the medications don't chew his stomach lining up: and that's okay - fasting can be personalized; and people fast for different reasons 👌

Weight loss is the main thrust for our fasting period.

But, I am also going to be seeking spiritual insights. I want continual peace in our home - and that will only occur when Yeshua reigns in our Home 🕊️

The main thing Holland keeps carping about is religion - we both have pretty strong opinions concerning what we believe. Personally I have come to the conclusion that Holland was literally born into a cultic religious atmosphere 👺, and never really had his own personal {come to Jesus moment}; every time he starts talking about the redmill religion 🤪, my conclusion 🧐 is reaffirmed anew.

Holland was raised in a familial family that read the Bible - and could quote Scripture like a scribe, but the way he was taught was lopsided … a weird Heinz 57 familial beliefs that runs through the family tree on both sides of the familial root stock, that believes they could pick and choose what was "inspired" & was was questionable; "backsliding" was common, and a ready excuse to do whatever - and let the chips fall where they will. There was no Biblical accountability. And because there was no actual relationship with Elohim, or concrete belief in Yeshua, disasters seriously eroded familial relationships, & sin led to deaths without the saving knowledge of eternal Life 😢

It is sad - fatally sad - when people live a religious life void of Yeshua. Grace does not overlook outright sin 😈👹

That was the way he has lived his life to date: he does not like hearing 🤬 that he is living apart from Elohim's grace.

His family still lives that way 😳🤔

I am not stretching the truth when I say that 95% of all of the arguments between Holland and I stem from Holland's twisted religiology.

I, on the other hand, "came to Jesus" in the Winter of 1964 while hearing a sermon in Grand Rapids-MN, on the love of God … and knew I wanted that: I gave my heart to Jesus right then and there; and was water baptized at Bible Summer Camp in the summer of 1965. I knew what I was doing - no one else in my family were Christians, so I was not influenced, coerced, or birthed into a religious home atmosphere. My salvation was purely the real deal.

I was the only Christian in my familial family. When I decided at 8 years old to get saved, baptized at 9 years old, and live the rest of my life as Yeshua's willing bondservant - and the Temple of the Ruach HaKo'desh.

I took what the Bible said to heart: it was the Word of Almighty God; unquestionable.

I still live this way.

I am not perfect by a long shot, and I am a continual work in progress - but I do not deviate from Truth ✝️ when it is brought to my attention by the Ruach HaKo'desh.

Most of our personal, & relationship issues, are based around Holland saying, "Well I don't agree with that - we'll agree to disagree." And me responding by saying, "Well, Holland, it doesn't matter whether you agree or not … facts are facts. Scripture is not arguable; what Elohim says is set in concrete - and if, as you claim, you are a Christian - then you have got to accept e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Yeshua set forth as unquestionable; you can't just pick and choose to accept the things you're comfortable with - and disregard the things that make you uncomfortable; or things you don't understand." That makes him angry 😤 And he withdraws, ending the convo with a ticking cheek muscle.

Holland has a respect for Elohim & Yeshua; but he doesn't have a full understanding of either because he balks at getting spirit filled - he needs to be in control … and giving himself over to the full control of the Ruach HaKo'desh, frankly scares him - he doesn't want to look foolish. He truly believes that he can save himself, by himself; doing good works. Having met most of his family members, it's safe to state that he, like the rest of his familial family tree [leaves], have never really submitted to the Lordship of Yeshua - they know about Him … but, they don't intimately know Him. A spirit moves them - but not the Holy One.

Randy Stonehill - 'Counterfeit King' song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luCPgVjLojE

BUT, Yeshua & I, both, intend to get Holland into Heaven 🤝😉

This promise is a reminder that Elohim has the power to transform individuals and communities, offering the possibility of a new life in Him.

This Covenant promises a deeper relationship with God, where His Laws are not merely external … but internalized within the hearts of Believers.

The "stone heart" represents a heart hardened by sin and rebellion, impervious to Elohim's (Father God) grace.

The "flesh heart" signifies a heart that is sensitive, compassionate, and responsive to Yeshua's (Jesus) love.

The "new heart" symbolizes a radical shift in one's inner being, characterized by a renewed desire for Yeshua and a willingness to follow His ways.

The "new spirit" refers to the indwelling of Elohim's Holy Spirit (Ruach HaKo'desh), empowering believers to live a life pleasing to Him.

The baptism of the Ruach HaKo'desh is a core part of Elohim's Plan for spiritual restoration and renewal of Life; a promise that completes a full  transformation of the heart - a spiritual move from a state of sinful rebellion and self-centered hardness of obedience and love.

We will both woo his soul with a love song - and the Ruach HaKo'desh will be softly singing it 💗

SUICIDE TRUTHS

A TWISTING OF SCRIPTURE

This reel posted to FB really burned my hide, this morning 😤

It upsets me because someone, who doesn't understand the consequences of suicide - and the Biblically ignorant; will read it, and believe it 😔

This reel will lead to death. All the way around 💔

********************

NO!

No, no, NO!!!

This is the kind of CRAP vineyard teaches: it IS WRONG. The vineyard religion leads to death.

This verse was taken out of context 😡

Jonah was severely reprimanded by Elohim: Elohim's purpose and sovereignty over life are greater than any individual's desire or right to take their own life.

King Saul's suicide was directly related to demonic influences: his earlier disobedience and rejection of Elohim's Will in his life, led to demonic influences. Saul's repeated disobedience, including his refusal to follow Elohim's instructions, led to his rejection as king and the eventual loss of Elohim's favor - Saul's ego led him to suicide.

The Bible includes several accounts of suicide, such as those of Saul, Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23), and Judas - and highlight the negative consequences of sin and despair.

The Bible presents life as a gift from Elohim, and only Elohim has the authority to determine when life begins and ends (Psalm 139:13-16).

Suicide is seen as a rejection of Elohim's sovereignty and an act of self-determination over life, which belongs to Elohim (Job 12:10).

The commandment "You shall not murder" (Exodus 20:13), also includes a prohibition against self-murder = suicide; taking one's own life is a violation of this commandment.

YES … The Lord (Yeshua) IS CLOSE to those who are broken hearted, & in the depths of despair - BUT AS A HELPER TO CONTINUE LIVING, not as a helper to aid and accept suicide as a solution!

NOWHERE IN SCRIPTURE do you see acceptance of suicide by Elohim. N.O.W.H.E.R.E. Suicide ALWAYS leads to eternal death; a total separation from Elohim.

NO!

The compassion experienced following suicide should BE FOR those remaining: immediate family members (spouse, children, grandchildren), familial family members (parents, grandparents, siblings), & friends. Compassion for the suicidal is useless - they are now beyond feeling: they are dead-dead. Forever. THAT is WHAT Scripture teaches.

CIRCLES: Ocean Park-WA

BAD COMPANY - 'Crazy Circles' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6446Zy3qVY)

FB has been running bac-to-back reels of Paul Rodgers songs - one of them was 'Crazy Circles', when he was with his band, 'Free'. I like Paul's singing style.

I've been thinking of the circular route Yeshua has been leading my Life, lately.

This morning, I woke up thinking of Melody Green; I used to have all of her husband, Keith Green's music to listen to: my daughter, & granddaughter Alyna, grew up listening to his music. When he died in 1982, Elohim actually gave me a vision of his plane wreck before I had heard of his death later that afternoon. Yes - I saw his wreck before the news was reported on TV, or reported to me by a friend while I was enjoying a hamburger in an uptown café, in Cathlamet-WA, with another friend.

Anyway; back to this morning …

I woke up thinking of Melody Green, so I decided to go online and see what came up. What was the Ruach HaKo'desh speaking to my heart this morning?

The first thing that came up was this 2-part-documentary, filmed in 2004: so, I watched it. What struck me was the 'First Love' theme running through it. 

I have listened to most of these musician's songs over the years.

Though I was saved at 8 years of age - I was raised a hippie.

I was introduced to 'Jesus People' at the Rose Parade Festival, in Portland-OR in 1971: my mother had remarried, and my stepfather took us to the festival. I came home with my 'One Way' Jesus People Bible. I took it to school with me, and read it faithfully; and wrote online Bible Studies, using it. By the time Holland & I met, it was pretty dog-eared. It was lost during the selling of my Heron Pointe home, and the setting up of our Road Gypsy shuffling; I hope whoever found it, kept it, and will be blessed by it's message.

My mother had been a beatnik, & later joined the hippie brigade: I had grown up listening to folk music; so, when I saw that Barry McGuire has become a Christian and had cut & was selling a Christian album, 'Bullfrogs & Butterflies' - I bought it for my kids. My niece tracked it down and bought it for her daughters to listen to, too :-)

I was introduced to 'Lamb' Messianic music, & '2nd Chapter of Acts' music in the 1979: Bob & I later fellowshipped exclusively with Messianic fellowships - eventually, meeting Joel Chernoff. For decades, the only music that played in our home and vehicles was 'Lamb' music. I also liked the 2nd Chapter of Acts music - it's not for everyone, but I like it: I had every album, cassette, and CD they ever put out - these two music groups played continually in our homes; my children & granddaughter grew up listening to them. I played their songs constantly, and intermediately, with Southren Gospel songs Bob liked, throughout the 14 days I stood death watch with Bob in OHSU, in Portland-OR. The music soothed … and it prepared us mentally for the trip beyond the clouds; to a First Love Life we could only imagine, that my husband would soon be experiencing, solo lobo.

The early Jesus People movement appealed to me - it still appeals to me. The new jesus culture vineyard movement is nothing at all like the original. Where the original movement highlighted rebirthing through the Ruach HaKo'desh, which led to Jesus-themed music, preaching, and lifestyle … the jesus culture movement is, in MHO, demonically inspired - and turns people from Yeshua, and towards selfish aims grounded in lust for fame, money, and a thirst for the occult; that is clearly being practiced in the vineyard churches, which have gone seriously astray and shucked their first love, for self-love.

I will attend a Calvary Chapel fellowship - but never a vineyard gathering. Calvary Chapel has separated themselves from the vineyard madness. Calvary Chapel fellowships still embrace their first love and cleave to Yeshua and the purity of Christianity: that does not mean they are perfect … it simply means that those in fellowship press forward towards the purity of the Faith.

First Love: A Historic Gathering | Part 1: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxvOfr1XnzI&t=6002s) & First Love: A Historic Gathering | Part 2: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZK-6iT3KmA)

I have saints waiting for me in Heaven: a Father-in-Law; a close friend, saved just before he passed from this life to the next; my 1st Husband; a childhood friend, who recently went Home … and I intend that my childhood friend, who is like a big brother to me, & that my 2nd Husband, also be there with me. If this is the only ministry Elohim prepared for me - I'm okay with that. Crowds crowd me; I'm okay sharing and instilling First Love, with 1-on-1 ;-)

BAMBI; Ocean Park-WA

Today started out slow - but picked up speed as the hours came and went.

Wind gusts blowing in off the ocean, and rocking Independence, is what woke me this morning: some of the gusts were hitting pretty solidly 😳

I checked my Tablet to see how long this rainy forecast would continue; and I could see that Holland was still up, so I joined him for a few minutes before heading back upstairs to catch a few more hours of shut-eye 🛌😴

Windy gusts of rain overhead, & Independence rocking when the gusts hit broadside.

Nothing about the weather forward, looks promising.

When Holland came to bed 2 hours later, the weather was still kicking up a fuss …

Four hours later, I got up for good.

I ate the rest of the last night's supper … and knitted a few more rows; listening to the wet gusts slap against the outside of our cozy little home on wheels 😉

Yesterday, Holland came home with Supper; from Corral's Drive-In, #2506 Pacific Ave, Long Beach, WA

Worked a few more rows on my latest project …

9 AM; Betsy is getting cleaner & the puddles are getting deeper.

Holland woke up sometime around noon - which is okay with me. We're retired, & my husband has trouble sleeping, so when he can sleep I don't disturb him: he needs all the 💤 he can get, when he can get it. Plus, he is taking an antibiotic 4x a day that makes him drowsy.

When he finished his cup of coffee, he suggested a drive to see the waves, and I agreed. We needed to spend some time outside of Independence 😊

We visited a couple beach approaches - and eventually ended up at the Ilwaco Marina, where we saw that Bambi has finally been repaired and repainted; the last 2 years, she has sat forlorn and a rusted white while she waited to be tended to. Every time we drove past her, I would laugh and tell Holland about the 'Bambi' Bembenek episode of the the early 1980's:

Contrary to the proclamation "The World's Longest Beach" emblazoned on the archway over Bolstad street in the town of Long Beach, the beach here is not the longest beach in the world. It should be called the "World's Longest Continuous Peninsula Beach" because it is the world's longest beach on a peninsula: it stretches 28 miles.~Bolstad Beach Approach; Long Beach-WA

Landmark Buoy, at Bolstad Beach Approach; Long Beach-WA

Boardwalk, at the Bolstad Beach Approach; Long Beach-WA

Bambi finally got painted 😁 Last year, Holland had spotted this wooden hulled boat … I laughed when I saw the name of it, & told him the story saga of {Bambi} Bembenek; Ilwaco Marina-WA

What To Know About Lawrencia "Bambi" Bembenek, Her Murder Conviction And Prison Escape: https://www.jsonline.com/story/life/2023/09/12/lawrencia-laurie-bembenek-run-bambi-run-facts-murder-escape-from-prison-cause-of-death/70794066007/

Laurie "Bambi" Bembenek - Calendar Girl, Cop, Killer: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIRR04TdDCU)

We also took a side trip along the backroad, where we saw a brightly painted trolley in Oysterville; before parking Betsy.

By now, Holland's leg was really hurting - he had gashed it a week ago, and it is healing slowly. This is his driving leg, and the muscle was burning with today's use.

So, we called it a Day, and came home.

Where the rain picked up again, practically as soon as we got back inside … I cleaned his leg wound, sprayed it with antiseptic, and suggested we bandage it with gauze & a wrap tonight: Band-Aids stay on better, but I noticed that he also peels away some of his leg skin with the Band-Aid adhesive when he pulls it off. His skin is thin due to his medication; I don't want to risk secondary infection on top of the one his body is in the process of currently fending off.

I don't know how to keep the wrap from sliding down while he sleeps, but it will have to do. We're just 🙏ing his leg heals quickly without anymore undue complications.

City of Long Beach-WA Trolley; sits on a gravel lot, in Oysterville-WA

Holland's serious 'owie' is healing - slowly. He tore his calf open, on a raised concrete block flowerbed running along the Dollar General Store parking lot, in Ocean Park-WA. It worries me that he didn't feel it happen - he said he wasn't aware of the  injury until he felt something (blood) running down his leg and filling his shoe. That is concerning.

Still raining. And gusting.

VICTORY LAPS; Ocean Park-WA

Jelly Roll - 'Liar' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1__k8UwyxR0)

Always brings me to tears.

I love this song - so full of victory.

We got #1 down … and are working on a Home Run with the rest.

Elohim doesn't always put the people you "want" in your life; sometimes He puts people in your life that need the strength that only you can provide for them.

It can be mighty hard.

But it can also be mighty good ❤️

We are winning strikes, encouraging each other with "we're gonna make it", and holding tight while "going higher!" 😘

I love this song 👏

GOOD QUESTION