WILDFLOWER~2024

August 10th: I've lived with Holland for 19 months - I can gauge his moods pretty well, now: and he's learned that I can give as good as I get, and still stay rooted ;-)

Holland has a short fuse (I do too, but his is a whole lot shorter than mine) … and when he's frustrated, he says a lot he doesn't mean: he's just blowing off steam. And I give him a wide berth until his temper cools down: I learned he cools off quicker if I go mute (I go into another room, or I go for a drive). He will never physically hurt me, but his barbed words can cut deep; sometimes they are hard to forget.

And he's always sorry about an hour later.

When I blow my fuse, I really do mean what comes out of my mouth … so, I run my fuse a little longer before the explosion occurs. But once someone has lit that fuse, my forgiveness recovery time takes about a day or two, before I'm ready to accept an apology.

I deliberately drag out the 'welcome back into my life', because I don't want him to think he can keep hurting me with far flung barbed words and saying he's sorry - I know he really is sorry, but I want a change in character, and behavior, that comes with the sorry.

I want him to stop thinking he knows better than I do what's best for me. I married him knowing he has health issues, and physical limitations: I am not blind or stupid. I fell in love with him - I was not looking for supplemental income (didn't need it, I was doing fine by myself with my income), or a stud muffin hunk (who needs the attitude that comes with that? Not me!); and it really makes me mad when his, 'I want a divorce!' verbal hurls center around those two meaningless (to my way of thinking) issues. If, as he imagines, I {deserve better}; I would have stayed a solo lobo and avoided all of it.

He's {hunky} enough for me; and in this case MY opinion is the only one, he should be focusing on.

He is a "big deal" to me: no one else on Earth, can fill my Life, like HE does.

He does not know better than I do, about {what is best} for me.

Especially when he is in a black mood.

Wildflowers are hardy plants that thrive in adverse circumstances; all my life, I’ve suffered adverse circumstances and attitude tempests that seem to center around love relationships - parental, siblings, marriage, children, grandchildren …

Apparently Elohim thinks I'm badass enough to weather the storms looming on the horizons of my continual evolving Life, without being seriously harmed or damaged too much.

I have learned throughout my life seasons, that everyone suffers tragedy at some point in their life; you can either wail, wring your hands and let tragedy overwhelm you … or, you can dry your eyes, determine to live despite the sorrow, and thrive in spite of it all.

So I thrive: I do not want to disappoint Elohim ;-)

I am a wildflower.

Tom Petty - 'Wildflowers' w-Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRKS8Nd-SjA)

While watching the river this afternoon … at Austin Point, and later at Martin's Bluff beachfront.

Is the tugboat leading - or tugging on the trailing ship 'Pacific Honor'? Pacific Honor is a bulk cargo ship built in 2011, flying the flag of Portugal; home port is Maderia, an autonomous region of Portugal - an archipelago comprising 4 islands off the northwest coast of Africa. It is known for its namesake wine and warm, subtropical climate. The main island of Madeira is volcanic, green and rugged, with high cliffs, pebbly beaches and settlements on deltas of the Fajã River.

A following tug to help where ever the ship sets up; this is the first tug of it's kind I've ever seen, but I know what it is used for ;-)

White Egrets in a hay field; a white egret is a symbol of good fortune, prosperity, new beginnings, wealth, and wisdom. I can embrace behind those sentiments ;-)

White Egret; Internet Pic: 

(https://www.allaboutbirds.org/news/how-to-identify-white-herons-excerpt-from-better-birding-book/)

Martin's Bluff beachfront; Woodland-WA

Crumbly gypsum, used for sheetrock wallboard; & drywall mud, used for plaster work; Holland's line of work before he retired.

While we sat and watched river activity, we discussed how much time we both wasted on anger, this past year.

Our honeymoon year, for Pete's sake; a year that should have been blissfully happy, was overshadowed by bad behavior coming from both of us; he'd start it, and I'd finish it - it was a constant stinging fireworks display :-(

Holland said, "Yeah, I guess I do have a short fuse - it was a lot shorter when I was younger, but at this age I try to rein it in because high blood pressure will lead to stroke, or heart attack; and you said the other day that you want me to stick around for a long time to come". Then, he shot me his killer sexy smile, and I said, "So, now that we have that situation understood, next time you pop a vein and announce, 'I can't take anymore - I want a divorce!'; I won't shoot you a fiery response... I'll just get busy with a yarn project, smile sweetly, and say, 'We're having pot roast for Supper tonight - do you want potatoes, or yams?'"

Then, we laughed.

It felt good to laugh. We know in our hearts, that neither one of us is going anywhere.

Today was also a day of growth and moving forward progress.

We are only going to focus on the good things :-)

We both like things to flow smoothly.

Things work better for our Life if there are no snafus to wade through - now that the issues have been sorted, and we are moving forward together … things can only get better :-D