May 5th: A lot going on ๐
A lot of feels to work through.
A lot of complications in an already complicated situation.
Yikes!
Lord, I could really use a break ๐
I went to bed last night planning on a hike along the Mt. St. Helens Hummock Boundary trail: I secured Betsy for the Day, I laid my clothes and hiking boots out, I set my alarm for 6 AM ๐⏰
I woke up feeling excited ๐
I drank my morning coffee ☕️ & checked the weather:
The hike put on the back burner, I thought I'd pick up where I left off last night on my current WIP using a new crochet st pattern I saw on FB the other day …
Opening my yarn cache cupboard to gather a couple more skeins - I lifted a plastic bag and my eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw what was underneath ๐ณ
It looked like a mouse had been in the house ๐คฆ๐ป♀️: Yikes!
I didn't see any other evidence of a mouse in the house, other than the damp seeds - which was strange, in itself. I removed everything from the cupboard & meticulously went through my yarn stashes & storage boxes; bagging my yarns ๐งถ in new bags, and replacing the boxes … purely precautions because there was no evidence of mouse tampering's with any of it … then stacked everything around the bunk room while I set up my ladder, and wiped the cupboard out with a bleach solution.
While I was putting the ladder and bleach solution away, Holland showed up with Betsy ๐ - with the mouse upset, I had forgotten to call him and cancel ๐ฒ๐คท♀️
I apologized to him … and asked him to check the house. He said there was no damage to Independence's interior or exterior - there is, however, a gap between exterior wall and inside cupboard shelf: and Holland thinks this may be the issue. So, we drove into downtown Castle Rock to buy mouse traps. Once home, I insisted he show me how to use the traps (Bob always did it, before) because I learned the hard way following Bob's graduation to Heaven, that I need to be able to do for myself instead of always relying on a man. Holland showed me the process with one spring trap: I paid attention, set one myself, & the two of them were placed inside the cupboard. Now, it is a waiting game.
Holland is making sounds like he wants to come back home, but until he makes some real changes, that isn't likely to happen any time soon. I said that I noticed he had blocked me on FB and removed our wedding pictures from both Pages - he denied it … so, I pulled my FB Page up and pointed to the empty spot where his name & the pic had been, that had introduced him to my Friends, so they could see the man in my life: the denial fell flat. He actually told me that he didn't understand why I was so upset with the block. I just looked at him. He can't have it both ways - married men do not shut their wives out of their "personal" lives; there is no room for a separate life in married life - I don't care how the other redmill men try to justify that craziness, but it won't work with me. He can either be married - or be single, but he cannot be married and single. I said that as long as I was blocked & he's acting like a free agent … the "separation" status on my Page would stand.
He left in a petulant mood, but I'm not going to be guilted for his wrong upbringing.
It's crazy thinking.
It's nutty behavior.
The only other marriages I've ever seen like that, was my mother & bio-father, and sister ramona and her husband david: and I avoided my bio-father and my BIL like the plague because they treated my mother, and my sister, so shabbily. Eventually I stopped contact with both women too, because they excused & accepted the bad behavior.
I appreciated the walk through to check for mouse activity, & I appreciated the snap trap lesson - but, that does not give him a free pass to access.
I refuse to have a marriage like the marriages he's used to.
I am not going to be disrespected.
I am not going to be treated like a second choice in my own home, or at my own table.
I am not going to be blocked and shut out of my husband's "personal life".
NO
Later, after supper, I worked some more on my WIP; yo-yoing between MOD, FB, and Blog Hop reads. Melynda's Blog mentioned one of my recent posts:
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