Hi ๐ We're Val & Holland Redmill … living our Life Story as silver-haired Road Gypsies in our 5th wheel RV Home~40 months married & 60,000 miles traveled across America; covered in grace every Day & trying mightily not to lose our sanctification during the bad & ugly times. I post everywhere - about everything: and if what I post can help someone else, I'm glad for the experience. But from sunrise to sunset, we live our Life for US. Trusting Elohim every step of the way.
GOD KNEW I NEEDED YOU
Showing posts with label complicated relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complicated relationship. Show all posts
A lot of complications in an already complicated situation.
Yikes!
Lord, I could really use a break ๐
I went to bed last night planning on a hike along the Mt. St. Helens Hummock Boundary trail: I secured Betsy for the Day, I laid my clothes and hiking boots out, I set my alarm for 6 AM ๐⏰
I woke up feeling excited ๐
I drank my morning coffee ☕️ & checked the weather:
Weather here, this morning.
Yikes~Weather at Mt. St. Helens; the Hummocks Boundary Trail hike will have to wait.
The hike put on the back burner, I thought I'd pick up where I left off last night on my current WIP using a new crochet st pattern I saw on FB the other day …
WIP using a new crochet st pattern.
Opening my yarn cache cupboard to gather a couple more skeins - I lifted a plastic bag and my eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw what was underneath ๐ณ
It looked like a mouse had been in the house ๐คฆ๐ป♀️: Yikes!
Yikes! It looks like there is a mouse in the house …
I didn't see any other evidence of a mouse in the house, other than the damp seeds - which was strange, in itself. I removed everything from the cupboard & meticulously went through my yarn stashes & storage boxes; bagging my yarns ๐งถ in new bags, and replacing the boxes … purely precautions because there was no evidence of mouse tampering's with any of it … then stacked everything around the bunk room while I set up my ladder, and wiped the cupboard out with a bleach solution.
While I was putting the ladder and bleach solution away, Holland showed up with Betsy ๐ - with the mouse upset, I had forgotten to call him and cancel ๐ฒ๐คท♀️
I apologized to him … and asked him to check the house. He said there was no damage to Independence's interior or exterior - there is, however, a gap between exterior wall and inside cupboard shelf: and Holland thinks this may be the issue. So, we drove into downtown Castle Rock to buy mouse traps. Once home, I insisted he show me how to use the traps (Bob always did it, before) because I learned the hard way following Bob's graduation to Heaven, that I need to be able to do for myself instead of always relying on a man. Holland showed me the process with one spring trap: I paid attention, set one myself, & the two of them were placed inside the cupboard. Now, it is a waiting game.
Holland is making sounds like he wants to come back home, but until he makes some real changes, that isn't likely to happen any time soon. I said that I noticed he had blocked me on FB and removed our wedding pictures from both Pages - he denied it … so, I pulled my FB Page up and pointed to the empty spot where his name & the pic had been, that had introduced him to my Friends, so they could see the man in my life: the denial fell flat. He actually told me that he didn't understand why I was so upset with the block. I just looked at him. He can't have it both ways - married men do not shut their wives out of their "personal" lives; there is no room for a separate life in married life - I don't care how the other redmill men try to justify that craziness, but it won't work with me.He can either be married - or be single, but he cannot be married and single. I said that as long as I was blocked & he's acting like a free agent … the "separation" status on my Page would stand.
He left in a petulant mood, but I'm not going to be guilted for his wrong upbringing.
It's crazy thinking.
It's nutty behavior.
The only other marriages I've ever seen like that, was my mother & bio-father, and sister ramona and her husband david: and I avoided my bio-father and my BIL like the plague because they treated my mother, and my sister, so shabbily. Eventually I stopped contact with both women too, because they excused & accepted the bad behavior.
I appreciated the walk through to check for mouse activity, & I appreciated the snap trap lesson - but, that does not give him a free pass to access.
I refuse to have a marriage like the marriages he's used to.
I am not going to be disrespected.
I am not going to be treated like a second choice in my own home, or at my own table.
I am not going to be blocked and shut out of my husband's "personal life".
NO
Later, after supper, I worked some more on my WIP; yo-yoing between MOD, FB, and Blog Hop reads. Melynda's Blog mentioned one of my recent posts:
Trying new things while remembering past things is okay.
And we need to DO new things in the Present – we can’t keep living in the Past.
Holland's entire Life has been lived jockeying between relatives (homes, jobs, visitations) - and dwelling on Past experiences (musing about those experiences at home; or rehashing them over Kelso kitchen table coffee chats). Courting, dwelling, & focusing 95% of attention to the Past, is not healthy; that activity actually stymies growth & throws shade over outlook on life in general. MPO
I do touch base with relatives and friends … but I live my Life in the Now. I do, on occasion, revisit memories, but on the whole - I incorporate new experiences, new people, and making new memories into my Life. I balance my Life with keeping the Past & the Present in their own lanes, to make room for the Future (though that is flexible because a future is never guaranteed).
And sometimes … the Past crowds the present without our permission.
Like Last night: a bad memory tripped by Scott's death (and all the dramatizing fallout) was interfering with my sleep. I was debating getting up and drinking some cocoa in hopes of enticing the Sandman - when tears came unbidden. Unwelcome. They do not belong in my New Life. My New Life has enough hurdles to jump, without juggling painful & heart-wrenching old memories I thought had been laid to rest. Holland shifted, and asked, "Are you okay, Baby?"I sniffled and said, "Yeah. Just a bad memory." He reached an arm over and pulled me to him. He didn't ask. I didn't reveal. His shoulder got soaked; and in that moment … he was the gentle, empathetic friend, my heart fell in love with.
He really is a good, kind man, when he's not fighting against the tender side of himself.
When we woke up this morning, we drank our morning coffees, then hopped into Betsy to do some backtracking explorations. We didn't have time - nor were there big enough spaces along the route to pull over, when we drove the coastline to Tillamook yesterday; so, today, we set out to explore the places we couldn't explore yesterday when Betsy was tethered to Independence … and Holland focused on the Present with an eye towards the Future.
I was thankful the Past was getting a rest: from both of us.
Today's Plan …
We drove first into Tillamook - there were several things we wanted to visit. Straight off, we drove to the Tillamook Air Museum … and it was too massive to fit the picture taking frame, so Holland drove down a side road - and I snagged a few pictures from the paved roadway, there.
Tillamook Air Museum-OR
Holland tells me these pillars are 'Blimp Supports' to cradle the flying behemoth when it's parked here.
A few minutes later, as we passed through downtown Tillamook; Holland obliged me by turning off onto a backstreet to check out 2 buildings that caught my attention.
The steeple of this building caught my eye as we drove by.
Community Church; Tillamook-OR
Then, we drove to the Tillamook Cheese Factory … but that was quickly scrapped when Holland said he doubted he could walk the walk even with the cane(the building is huge, and we'd have to park a half a mile away, in the designated parking lot); he'd sit in Betsy and wait for me. I said I wouldn't want to do it without him. It was a nice thought, but I really wasn't that interested (my body is lactose intolerant & I'm pretty sure the restaurant there would be filled with cheesy, creamy, milk-based foods: it's a dairy operation, after all; they will be selling their product), and I'd be perfectly happy with drive by adventures that we could experience together - things off the tourist radar. I'm kinda weird that way. Normal touristy draws do not interest me - I would much rather scout out low-key things that pique my real curiosity.
So, that's what we did ๐๐
Along the way I saw an A-frame house, and commented on it - which led to me learning more about my husband ๐ Holland said, "That A-frame in Lexington-WA … my grandpa and father built that."I said, "No way!"He said, "Yeah. Way. In fact my family built all the houses in that tract of housing."I said, "Wow. I've hiked past that A-frame for decades, when I walked the dike behind it. Bob and I knew the people that bought that A-frame. Wow." It's freaky when I think of all the times Holland's, and my, paths have crossed … and it is confusing to me, thinking that now - since out paths have converged and formed a straight line, it's a real struggle to keep this marriage on an even keel ๐๐ณ๐
But it was fun to listen to him talk about those days of his early life in Cowlitz County-WA … the community growth; the river life back then, compared to now; the dike that wasn't there before Mt. St. Helen's blew her top; the Allen Street Draw-bridge we both remembered crossing, before it was replaced; the little Lexington church we both attended - and did not notice each other (we were both married to our 1st spouses, then); the houses we both lived in, on Nevada Drive, literally a block from each other - and did not notice one another; ect. It was an interesting conversation.
I was also noticing that most of the buildings was highlighting a patchwork quilt design, on them - and then I noticed a sign mentioning a local quilting & textile center: then, the blocks of quilt patterns decorating various buildings, made sense ๐
And, on our return drive back towards the RV Park, Holland & I simultaneously noticed that what was previously thought to be a train trestle bridge cover … was instead, a breezeway over the highway, by which people could access the beach on one side - and housing complexes on the other.
An over-road-breezeway; Tillamook-OR
When Holland was explaining it to me, it made sense: I never would have considered that reasoning. But he did, because he was born in a beach-theme town, lived-worked-& generally fooled around in beach-themed towns; he knew what it was used for. That thing has had me stumped, and AI is clueless, but the way Holland explained it to me makes sense.
Then we stopped at a Taco Wagon in Rockaway Beach-OR, and bought a tasty lunch combo. So good! The short-grain-rice tasted like Basmati Rice, but I know Basmati Rice (it's my favorite cooking rice), and this rice wasn't Basmati. The food was wonderful and the people serving it was friendly & courteous. I even thought the price was okay - this was definitely worth stopping for. We highly recommend this Taco Wagon ๐
While waiting for our food order, a stranger struck up a convo with me - and Holland realized that I don't "hate everyone!": I'm actually quite chatty and relaxed ๐ when I feel [safe] around certain people; even strange men who send off calm and peaceful vibes ✌️ Holland was amazed to see the [old] me in a social situation ๐
SO good! The enchilada's were solidly stuffed with pulled beef & the rice was deliciously flavored & scented.
I could be that relaxed and talkative around his family and friends too, if they would behave. But they don't - so, I'm not. Ditto for my husband, too: if he would relax in this married relationship, he'd find me more relaxed, too.
And the Past memories that squeeze my heart & bring tears to my eyes wouldn't be triggered, either. They only encroach on my New Life when chaotic turmoil is dragged into it - and all those painful memories that ride the turbulent winds of uncertainty, spring with a vengeance ๐๐๐ช
Anyway.
We spotted another old steam engine … so, we turned down the driveway to to check it out:
Steam Engine #90 is a historic 90-ton steam locomotive in Tillamook, Oregon, undergoing restoration by the Oregon Coast Scenic Railroad (OCSR). Engine #90 was originally built for the Polson Logging Company. After Polson was purchased by Rayonier Inc. in 1948, the locomotive was also operated by Rayonier.
Back on the main highway, Holland said we'll drive down to Newport-OR, then cut over Hwy #20 (the longest highway in the USA) to I-5 in Corvallis-OR, then to Eugene-OR where if here is no wildfire smoke in the air, we can hunker down overnight; before driving on to Coalinga-CA where a spot has been secured to park Independence through November - Holland's Colorado cousin will be in that region with is bees, and we are hoping for a hook-up then. Where we end up after that, is in Elohim's hands; we're running out of options with warm climate States.
Holland just informed me that we will be pulling stakes here, tomorrow …
Back home, I walked around the Park - enjoying self time with the Almighty. Opening my senses to Yeshua's creation (this is a country lot Park; there are trees, lots of grassy areas, a river along the back end). Occasionally meeting new people - striking up a short convo, or nodding in passing (2 people were walking dogs - hello's were exchanged in passing's); and found that the Park walk was smaller than anticipated. I thought a mile walk … it was 'just' under half a mile.
A couple cabins for rent …
Bob & I knew the Ferrell heir, in Raymond-WA. We met him in Fellowship, there.
The Park waterwheel feature.
This is a mobile home park model - not an RV.
And there WE are - 2 streets over.
My walk results …
And I laughed when I lit a scent candle next to the potted plant sitting on the kitchen counter: I had come home from our shopping in Tillamook with some groceries & a pretty ivy plant … but we could not find Tillamook Cheese of any kind in Tillamook! There were other brands - but none of them were stamped with the Tillamook brand ๐ง So, I guess the only place to buy Tillamook Cheese in Tillamook, is at the Cheese Factory ๐
The pretty Ivy I bought grocery shopping in Tillamook-WA
Tomorrow, we pull stakes here; so, tonight, I'm going to ease into the intentional space of Shabbat through some preparatory 'moving teardowns' before sundown, and doing a little self-care ✨๐น before my eyes close in slumber ๐๐ด
=August 31, 2025 - TILLAMOOK-OR; Pt. #1: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/08/tillamook-or-pt-1.html)
Holland isn't getting his divorce … but he is getting his separation.
Yesterday afternoon, coming back from Vancouver-WA, he actually tried to force me to choose between vineyard & Yeshua (Jesus).
There is NO CHOICE - YESHUA WINS, HANDS DOWN
Holland believes all you have to do for salvation is claim salvation.
No repentance is required.
No change of behavior is necessary.
No proclamation of Yeshua (Jesus) is forthcoming.
I believe that when you ask Yeshua (Jesus) to be Lord of your Life, you also ask for His forgiveness ("there is therefore no salvation without repentance "~Luke 13:3); a heart that is steeled in rebellion against God cannot savingly believe: it must first be broken. Brokenness comes when one recognizes the sin they are in and cries out for salvation. Holland doesn't believe he has anything to repent.
I believe when one gets saved, they actively set about changing their lifestyle behaviors - Holland does not believe salvation includes change ๐
Holland does not believe he needs to be sharing the Good News of Yeshua (Jesus) with his friends, and family members (strangers yes - intimate people, no) … saying, "what they believe is their business".
Yes … and no: IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE (Yeshua/Jesus or me), you enthusiastically tell everyone you know about your relationship with them! Holland kept me a secret from his friends for m.o.n.t.h.s., until I told him that offended me - and now he is telling me he doesn't even mention his claim of Christianity to any of them!He doesn't talk about Jesus to them because they "will be offended".
Holland also believes there are many ways to Heaven.
So, I asked him, "So, you think it's okay to claim Yeshua (Jesus) and also practice other religious activities … like praying to idols; practice Hare Krishna rituals, Buddhism, Hinduism (includes bali practices); do you honestly believe it is okay to claim Christianity while whoring around, getting drop-down drunk, stoned out of your mind, setting up a beer bar in a church foyer??? The hellish vineyard doctrine may allow for {witches for jesus} & {strippers for jesus} ๐ก ..."
BUT ELOHIM'S (God's) WORD, & YESHUA (Jesus), DOES NOT ALLOW FOR ANY OF THAT.
He said, "Well I don't agree with that - you're a hater, Val: everyone does not believe what you believe."
I just stared at him for 2 heartbeats. I couldn't believe what he just said - by calling me {"a hater" = New World Order Code Word for "Christian"} he basically demanded that I choose between his vineyard mindset, or Yeshua.
It became abundantly clear that he is not a Christian: he is religious to a fault … and he knows what the Bible says (he's read through several cover to cover), but he does NOT KNOW what the passages SAY (he's spiritually dead), and he is not in ANY WAY a Christian; and that's why we keep butting heads.
So.
Scripture allows that if a Christian (moi) is married to a nonbeliever (Holland), and that nonbeliever wants a separation - a separation is admissible.
According to 1 Corinthians 7:10-17 in the King James Version of the Bible, if an unbelieving spouse wants to separate from a Christian spouse, the Christian should let them go and not feel enslaved; 1 Corinthians 7:15: "If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace".
Separated is still married, but knowing now how Holland feels about making 150 thousand excuses for sin (notably the ones listed above), I'm pretty sure he'll end up with his divorce too. He won't be able to help himself.
Normally I would not agree to a separation, but in this case, I have no choice. Until yesterday I had hope; now I know that unless he actually gets saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit, there is no hope of peace in our home together.
Independence will be sprung from the repair shop hopefully by the end of this month; and put up for sale. This morning, I've put feelers out for a solo lobo rental, and looking for a compact car to buy outright.
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