AUTUMN DREAMS: Coalinga-CA

October 1st: October has arrived. It’s time for pumpkin spice everything 🎃☕️😘; a time to cozy up - and be strategic in going after your dreams and goals with a new perspective.

Today while drinking my pumpkin spice coffee, I made a couple lid knob hot hats:

I designed and worked up 2 Lid Knob Hot Hats~MOD; Coalinga-CA

MOD LID KNOB HOT HATS; Coalinga-CA:  (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/10/mod-lid-knob-hot-hats-coalinga-ca.html)

And I thought on Scripture to help me work through issues I'm going to be tackling to restore balance and joy.

My dreams and goals are still the same: I want to explore every mainland State. There's got to be a way to accomplish that, that will accommodate our faulty lungs & shoestring budget. New perspectives are being considered.

As I mentioned in previous posts, we are also working on ourselves.

Independently.

Focused.

With intent.

Tonight, while pulling this post together, I got to thinking about how we really didn't know each other at all before we got married and hit the road. I said to Holland, "You really didn't know much about me when we met - all you knew was what you saw on the surface: you saw a fun loving, carefree spirit. Someone who laughed a lot, and wore flashy clothes and sparkly makeup: someone who was evolving, and learning to embrace Life just for the sheer fun of it. You were unaware that making, keeping, and maintaining friendships was something entirely new to me - I was walking a tightrope of needing people in my life, and wanting to maintain a distance from people in general. You didn't know I carried a lot of unseen baggage that hamstrung me on occasion. That I struggled with severe trauma fallout that I had to rise above every minute of every day. You didn't understand the seriousness of my physical limitations. You didn't know that I was enjoying the freedom of simply feeling worthy of taking up space on Earth. For the first time in my Life, I wasn't responsible for anyone but myself. And I didn't know anything about you, either. I only knew you to be a shy guy, who felt most comfortable hanging out in the corner of a room instead of being front and center. You seemed to be a gentle giant with a kind demeanor - soft spoken, considerate, and in MPO entirely too accommodating with unscrupulous people who unashamedly took full advantage of you. You would read a room like I do. You appeared to be a Christian, who seemed to know the Scriptures. I didn't know that you carried unseen baggage that hamstrung you on occasion. I wasn't aware that you struggled with trauma fallout - or that you were dealing with severe physical handicaps that would feed off of your trauma fallout … or that trauma fallout could suddenly be triggered by a word or an action. I didn't know any of that because I wasn't paying that much attention: I was not interested in romance, and I don't get too close to anyone I am not romantically involved with: even with close friendships, people I've known all my life - I'm not, as a general rule, in steady contact with them: we only saw in each other what both of us allowed anyone to see of us. We only knew of each other what we were experiencing in the moment. I'm not saying we were dishonest; I'm just saying that neither of us really knew each other like we thought we did. And because we didn't know - and we are both pretty mum, still, about our personal lives, things are said and done that bring out the worst in us: the worst because our traumas are triggered and we don't know how to communicate those uncomfortable feelings to each other. You don't want to know, or to understand what I am dealing with - and you don't let me close enough to you to help you though your trauma issues. So, I'm working on myself this year because I don't like the person I've become with all the trauma drama that has been stirred up. I need to be in a happy frame of mind, for me, again."

And that's where I am mentally & spiritually, in the moment.

And I'll be working on myself alone - and with Yeshua, of course, but relationship-wise, I will be alone as I work through the tangled mess that has become my new life.

Only my first husband Bob, ever knew what I struggled to overcome every day. Even my kids and grandkids don't know my whole life story - mostly because they've never been interested enough in me as a person, to care … or celebrate small victories; they more interested in keeping their distances & nursing their assumptions, and I just let them. You can't talk butterfly language to caterpillar people.

Bob understood Butterfly Language; and he encouraged me to share my life story with him, so he could understand the scars and stand beside me in the heat of the battles I fought my way through to remain healthy, whole, and emotionally balanced. Bob loved me unconditionally.

I know my current husband loves me. But I know, too, that his affection towards me - like my kids & grandkids, is conditional. My new husband isn't interested in the deep secrets of my whole life story; I have tried, on numerous occasions, to clue him in on the [why's] of certain situations, but he either stops the conversations and reroutes it to a totally different topic - or he just shuts all communication down completely, and ices me out for a few days. He's never been interested enough to care … or understand small victories from my point of view. He's more interested in nursing assumptions; so, I've stopped trying to share concerns and milestones with him. You can't talk butterfly language to caterpillar people.

I also know that my current husband doesn't know how to deal with feelings of love that goes beyond superficial; I know he struggles with joyous happiness.

I understand that he's not ready to evolve yet: the caterpillar stage is a comfortable place for him to be, right now - it is a slow-mo mode that doesn't require a growth change. It's familiar. Everyone he knows in the life he lived before me, is caterpillar people.

So, I will bare my soul to Elohim, share my Life with Yeshua, bask in the comfort of the Ruach HaKo'desh - and keep making a cozy home environment inspired by 2022's Autumn dreams, while we work on ourselves & nurture the spark of love that still exists this Autumn of 2025.

Air Supply - 'Making Love Out Of Nothing At All' Video Lyrics: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdRVD0OJg3c)

We both have hopes & dreams, and sometimes they do meld.

As the Day faded into evening, I caught sight of a pretty Autumn sunset as the sun slipped over the horizon beyond the almond orchard out back of this Park:

Tonight's sunset; Coalinga-CA

The beauty of Autumn reminds us that there is a certain freedom to letting go and trusting this new season.

TILLAMOOK-OR (Pt. 2)/Shabbat~Self-Care

August 29th: Leaves are turning.

So are the wheels of Life unfolding.

Trying new things while remembering past things is okay.

And we need to DO new things in the Present – we can’t keep living in the Past.

Holland's entire Life has been lived jockeying between relatives (homes, jobs, visitations) - and dwelling on Past experiences (musing about those experiences at home; or rehashing them over Kelso kitchen table coffee chats). Courting, dwelling, & focusing 95% of attention to the Past, is not healthy; that activity actually stymies growth & throws shade over outlook on life in general. MPO

I do touch base with relatives and friends … but I live my Life in the Now. I do, on occasion, revisit memories, but on the whole - I incorporate new experiences, new people, and making new memories into my Life. I balance my Life with keeping the Past & the Present in their own lanes, to make room for the Future (though that is flexible because a future is never guaranteed).

And  sometimes … the Past crowds the present without our permission.

Like Last night: a bad memory tripped by Scott's death (and all the dramatizing fallout) was interfering with my sleep. I was debating getting up and drinking some cocoa in hopes of enticing the Sandman - when tears came unbidden. Unwelcome. They do not belong in my New Life. My New Life has enough hurdles to jump, without juggling painful & heart-wrenching old memories I thought had been laid to rest. Holland shifted, and asked, "Are you okay, Baby?" I sniffled and said, "Yeah. Just a bad memory." He reached an arm over and pulled me to him. He didn't ask. I didn't reveal. His shoulder got soaked; and in that moment … he was the gentle, empathetic friend, my heart fell in love with.

He really is a good, kind man, when he's not fighting against the tender side of himself.

Juice Newton - 'The Sweetest Thing' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EScsvMU-wmY&list=RDEScsvMU-wmY&start_radio=1)

When we woke up this morning, we drank our morning coffees, then hopped into Betsy to do some backtracking explorations. We didn't have time - nor were there big enough spaces along the route to pull over, when we drove the coastline to Tillamook yesterday; so, today, we set out to explore the places we couldn't explore yesterday when Betsy was tethered to Independence … and Holland focused on the Present with an eye towards the Future.

I was thankful the Past was getting a rest: from both of us.

Today's Plan …

We drove first into Tillamook - there were several things we wanted to visit. Straight off, we drove to the Tillamook Air Museum … and it was too massive to fit the picture taking frame, so Holland drove down a side road - and I snagged a few pictures from the paved roadway, there.

Tillamook Air Museum-OR

Holland tells me these pillars are 'Blimp Supports' to cradle the flying behemoth when it's parked here.

A few  minutes later, as we passed through downtown Tillamook; Holland obliged me by turning off onto a backstreet to check out 2 buildings that caught my attention.

The steeple of this building caught my eye as we drove by.

Community Church; Tillamook-OR

Then, we drove to the Tillamook Cheese Factory … but that was quickly scrapped when Holland said he doubted he could walk the walk even with the cane (the building is huge, and we'd have to park a half a mile away, in the designated parking lot); he'd sit in Betsy and wait for me. I said I wouldn't want to do it without him. It was a nice thought, but I really wasn't that interested (my body is lactose intolerant & I'm pretty sure the restaurant there would be filled with cheesy, creamy, milk-based foods: it's a dairy operation, after all; they will be selling their product), and I'd be perfectly happy with drive by adventures that we could experience together - things off the tourist radar. I'm kinda weird that way. Normal touristy draws do not interest me - I would much rather scout out low-key things that pique my real curiosity.

So, that's what we did 😊👌

Along the way I saw an A-frame house, and commented on it - which led to me learning more about my husband 👍 Holland said, "That A-frame in Lexington-WA … my grandpa and father built that." I said, "No way!" He said, "Yeah. Way. In fact my family built all the houses in that tract of housing." I said, "Wow. I've hiked past that A-frame for decades, when I walked the dike behind it. Bob and I knew the people that bought that A-frame. Wow." It's freaky when I think of all the times Holland's, and my, paths have crossed … and it is confusing to me, thinking that now - since out paths have converged and formed a straight line, it's a real struggle to keep this marriage on an even keel 💕😳🙏

But it was fun to listen to him talk about those days of his early life in Cowlitz County-WA … the community growth; the river life back then, compared to now; the dike that wasn't there before Mt. St. Helen's blew her top; the Allen Street Draw-bridge we both remembered crossing, before it was replaced; the little Lexington church we both attended - and did not notice each other (we were both married to our 1st spouses, then); the houses we both lived in, on Nevada Drive, literally a block from each other - and did not notice one another; ect. It was an interesting conversation.

I was also noticing that most of the buildings was highlighting a patchwork quilt design, on them - and then I noticed a sign mentioning a local quilting & textile center: then, the blocks of quilt patterns decorating various buildings, made sense 👌

Latimier Quilting & Textile Center; Tillamook-OR: https://www.orartswatch.org/latimer-quilt-textile-center-a-little-known-hive-of-fiber-arts-activity-near-tillamook/

And, on our return drive back towards the RV Park, Holland & I simultaneously noticed that what was previously thought to be a train trestle bridge cover … was instead, a breezeway over the highway, by which people could access the beach on one side - and housing complexes on the other.

An over-road-breezeway; Tillamook-OR

When Holland was explaining it to me, it made sense: I never would have considered that reasoning. But he did, because he was born in a beach-theme town, lived-worked-& generally fooled around in beach-themed towns; he knew what it was used for. That thing has had me stumped, and AI is clueless, but the way Holland explained it to me makes sense.

Then we stopped at a Taco Wagon in Rockaway Beach-OR, and bought a tasty lunch combo. So good! The short-grain-rice tasted like Basmati Rice, but I know Basmati Rice (it's my favorite cooking rice), and this rice wasn't Basmati. The food was wonderful and the people serving it was friendly & courteous. I even thought the price was okay - this was definitely worth stopping for. We highly recommend this Taco Wagon 👍

While waiting for our food order, a stranger struck up a convo with me - and Holland realized that I don't "hate everyone!": I'm actually quite chatty and relaxed 😉 when I feel [safe] around certain people; even strange men who send off calm and peaceful vibes ✌️ Holland was amazed to see the [old] me in a social situation 😊

Lunch break; Rockaway Beach-OR.Rockaway Beach-OR:  (https://tillamookcoast.com/where-to-go/rockaway-beach/)

SO good! The enchilada's were solidly stuffed with pulled beef & the rice was deliciously flavored & scented.

I could be that relaxed and talkative around his family and friends too, if they would behave. But they don't - so, I'm not. Ditto for my husband, too: if he would relax in this married relationship, he'd find me more relaxed, too.

And the Past memories that squeeze my heart & bring tears to my eyes wouldn't be triggered, either. They only encroach on my New Life when chaotic turmoil is dragged into it - and all those painful memories that ride the turbulent winds of uncertainty, spring with a vengeance 😔💔😪

Anyway.

We spotted another old steam engine … so, we turned down the driveway to to check it out:

Steam Engine #90 is a historic 90-ton steam locomotive in Tillamook, Oregon, undergoing restoration by the Oregon Coast Scenic Railroad (OCSR). Engine #90 was originally built for the Polson Logging Company. After Polson was purchased by Rayonier Inc. in 1948, the locomotive was also operated by Rayonier.

Back on the main highway, Holland said we'll drive down to Newport-OR, then cut over Hwy #20 (the longest highway in the USA) to I-5 in Corvallis-OR, then to Eugene-OR where if here is no wildfire smoke in the air, we can hunker down overnight; before driving on to Coalinga-CA where a spot has been secured to park Independence through November - Holland's Colorado cousin will be in that region with is bees, and we are hoping for a hook-up then. Where we end up after that, is in Elohim's hands; we're running out of options with warm climate States.

Holland just informed me that we will be pulling stakes here, tomorrow …

Back home, I walked around the Park - enjoying self time with the Almighty. Opening my senses to Yeshua's creation (this is a country lot Park; there are trees, lots of grassy areas, a river along the back end). Occasionally meeting new people - striking up a short convo, or nodding in passing (2 people were walking dogs - hello's were exchanged in passing's); and found that the Park walk was smaller than anticipated. I thought a mile walk … it was 'just' under half a mile.

A couple cabins for rent …

Bob & I knew the Ferrell heir, in Raymond-WA. We met him in Fellowship, there.

The Park waterwheel feature.

This is a mobile home park model - not an RV.

And there WE are - 2 streets over.

My walk results …

And I laughed when I lit a scent candle next to the potted plant sitting on the kitchen counter: I had come home from our shopping in Tillamook with some groceries & a pretty ivy plant … but we could not find Tillamook Cheese of any kind in Tillamook! There were other brands - but none of them were stamped with the Tillamook brand 🧐 So, I guess the only place to buy Tillamook Cheese in Tillamook, is at the Cheese Factory 😕

The pretty Ivy I bought grocery shopping in Tillamook-WA

Tomorrow, we pull stakes here; so, tonight, I'm going to ease into the intentional space of Shabbat through some preparatory 'moving teardowns' before sundown, and doing a little self-care ✨🌹 before my eyes close in slumber 🛌😴

=August 31, 2025 - TILLAMOOK-OR; Pt. #1: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/08/tillamook-or-pt-1.html)

=September 1, 2025 - TILLAMOOK-OR (Pt. 2)/Shabbat~Self-Care: (https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/09/tillamook-or-pt-2shabbatself-care.html)

GOOD; Ocean Park-WA

Holland really is good for me ❤️ & I know I'm good for him 😉

I'm glad he's getting past his Past angsts (serious Redmill familial dysfunctions), & sticking around to make US work; for the benefit of us😘

********************

Honest.

I never believed I could ever love anyone again, after Bob left earth to walk with Yeshua beyond the clouds.

Those of you who have been on my Page since that horrible Fall/Winter of 2018 went through the baby steps of my Solo Lobo growth - the learning how to live without the man I had loved since I was 10 years old; the man I married at 17, and shared my life with for 44 years.

Then, 30 months ago, Elohim led me to the Oak Point Grange meets … where Holland and I met and became fast friends. I was still missing Bob & wasn't interested in romance: I talked about my husband all.the.time.; sometimes I cried when speaking about the missingness.

Holland was there through it all.

I knew he was flirting😉 But, he never crowded me - he waited patiently while pursuing my heart 😍

I'm not even sure when I fell in love with him … love snuck up on me 🥰. But I knew, when he ended up in the hospital, that  eventful November of 2022, that my life would be empty without him in it; if things went south. I waited on pins and needles for the hospital to release him - and as soon as he got home, he sent me a text saying, "We need to talk."

Talk led to coffee. Coffee led to Reno, in January 2023 😁😘

I really never thought I'd fall in love again.

I'm glad Elohim had other Plans for this portion of my life. Holland is the BEST thing that has happened to me since my life with Bob ended the morning of December 14th, 2018.

I'm glad Elohim kickstarted my heart the Fall of 2022.

Newly married~January 2023

I'm happy Holland is in my life, loving me through the messy parts (marrying a widow is not easy - widows come with baggage labeled PTSD, and it is hard to deal with: for them, for their new spouses) and encouraging me through the rest.

Elohim has given me another chance and a second shot at true love. I swear (with hand on heart) that I WILL BE the best wife Yeshua will help to me BE for my loving husband, Holland 😍🥰

He waited a lifetime for me 😁

Life in our small corner of the world is good 😘

NEW; Ocean Park-WA

This morning we left Eugene-OR, and made tracks for Ocean Park-WA

Chris Stapleton - 'Starting Over' - Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRL3oXC6Tiw)

Pulling things down and getting Independence ready for travel, I mentioned to Holland some of the things I plan todo when we get back up North; I also added that when we get back to the PNW, I want to go buy some skeins of yarn to keep me occupied with projects, saying, "because when I'm bored, I get antsy; when I'm idle too long, I'm not an easy person to be around. This house doesn't take too long to clean, and we eat pretty simple-to-make meals. I need to be be busy - or at least keep my hands active with a busy project." Holland quickly agreed, saying, "Yes! By all means, buy some yarn! You're right - you need to be busy." He appreciates my [quiet time] evening crafting/movie hours: when my hands are moving (instead of my feet, or Betsy burning up the road) and my mouth is silent (he says I always want to talk when he wants to watch the news, YouTube vids, or a movie) - he now sounds like a full-fledged husband 😂🤣

We hadn't unhooked Betsy from Independence, so as soon as the slides were pulled, and the steps latched inside the door frame, we were on our way 👌

Ocean Park-WA from Deerwood-OR; 3 hr 57 min (227.7 mi) via I-5 N

Morning fog bank; Eugene-OR

Again, I slept most of the route while on the freeway.

Freeway traffic is too frantic for me; sleep keeps my eyes from seeing road rage craziness. Sleep keeps my heat beating a steady rhythm - which keeps my startled bleats from surprising Holland into an eye-darting action, trying to see what caused my distress. Crazies do not startle my husband: he enjoys freeway challenges … and he also enjoys my freeway naps, where silence reigns supreme in Betsy's cab 😘

I woke up as we were passing through Portland-OR's concrete jungle:

Merging onto the I-5 Marquam Bridge; Portland-OR

Marquam Bridge: 

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marquam_Bridge)

I love this Bridge - the only thing I truly like about Portland-OR

St. Johns Bridge: 

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Johns_Bridge)

I stayed awake all the way to Ocean Park-WA. Scenic, backroad drives interest me; and keep me alert 😁

We saw a new building mural (new to us, anyway), in Clatskanie-OR; featuring Coho Salmon, sporting spawning colors. I'm not a salmon meat lover - but the majority of Washingtonians, are. Holland loves salmon. Bob loved salmon. My friends love salmon. I'm the odd one 😉

A new Coho Salmon Mural; Clatskanie-OR

Coho Salmon: 

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coho_salmon)

We saw new construction going on in Astoria-OR

And, we were baptized in our homecoming with a Spring rainfall:

Yep - we're back in the PNW; Napa-OR

There is a lot of newness unfolding in our Life, this year …

New direction.

New season.

New attitude 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

New bridge paint.

New building mural.

The scent of new growth.

New buildings going up.

Discussion of new ventures, that will lead to adventurous undertakings ❤️

A MARRYING MAN; Fortuna-AZ

Bob & I were married 4 months into our relationship (he was talking marriage and kids in 2 months time): our marriage lasted 44 years - it ended when the Grim Reaper came calling.

Holland and I were married a little under a month following our 1st Coffee Date: he was talking marriage right off the bat … but, we'd known each other 18 months before that first date - and he'd been waiting for me, 33 years, to arrive on the scene 😍. He figured he'd waited long enough 😉

Marrying men want to get married; they don't want to wait … too much can happen in a year - 2 years - 3 years. Men who want to set up house to "see if we're compatible", are never going to get married to the woman they are shacking up with: they don't have to, they already have her in their corral. They just want a secured bed mate while they keep shopping for the illusive 'perfect woman'.

Illusions aren't reality.

A marrying man; proposal 6 mos or less …

Marriage is the 'getting to know' phase - that's where marital growth & unity takes root; where loyalties are forged.

Clint & Lisa Black - “When I Said I Do”: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgalAdgEd-E)

A procrastinator is not a marrying man.

I never stepped out with anyone I didn't consider marital material, so when both men proposed early in the Game, I didn't mind. I didn't mind because I am not a stupid person - I know that people put their best foot forward and show only the best sides of themselves when stepping out … it isn't until they get married and start showing ALL of themselves 😳🤬😭💔 that wrinkles show up and need to get ironed out 🙏✌️ to make the picture perfect 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨😉

We're still hanging tough❤️‍🩹

We both made a commitment 💘; loyalty is important to both of us. Loyalty is not always an easy, paved, road. There are a lot of obstacles, rocky roadways, and heavy loads involved in loyalties.

The first 7 years with Bob were hard ones due to alcohol and drug addiction. It wasn't until 1981 that Bob sobered up and won the victory over addictions; that was the year our marriage really became the one we'd hoped for when we pledged our lives to each other in 1974.

Holland and I, have admittedly, had a rough 2 years. But love was never the issue between us … and the issues are 1 by 1 being dealt with. We both have every confidence that should Elohim bless us with 20 more years, we'll sail through them - enjoying the marriage we both came into this union believing we could have together 😘

Blake Shelton - 'God Gave Me You' lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGXHWqlH_dc)

2024's VICTORY happened in Woodland-WA - started with a major blow out over Vicodin addiction; and wrapped up, here in AZ, with Holland saying "No" to drugs in any form. MAJOR, major 👏👏 I'm so proud of him 😘

And, Elohim has new Friends - TRUE friends - waiting for him: he just has to be open to those new friends with new Life concepts. It will happen 🙏☝️

Marriage means new friendships - new boundaries. Commitment to your spouse. We're still wading our way through this one, but I think Holland is beginning to realize Past {friendships} do not serve him beneficially in the Present. A New Life requires a New Mindset.

Elohim has been very favorable to me the majority of my Life. He has twice blessed me with good men than have been for the most part, good for me. I am a strong-minded woman with a strong will to match - I need a strong man to keep me grounded. I've been highly favored with the choices Elohim made for me in that regard.

A strong man is a marrying man.

Clint Black - "Something That We Do" song: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQE3DiWbIwY

A marrying man knows what he wants - and he'll do what he needs to do to keep it 😉