I am thankful for this interlude with Holland.
When Bob's physical body died, I went so deep inside myself that I couldn't feel anything but the deepest pain of loss.
I was numb.
A man wasn't even on my radar.
I wasn't lonely for a man … my life was full. I was busy enjoying life. I was comfortable embracing my unwanted Solo Lobo Life - and building a Queendom ;-)
And then Holland was there: and against my will, all those dormant feelings came to life. Elohim literally opened my eyes to see Holland; and all that love that had dried up when Bob went to live beyond the clouds, suddenly blossomed again and had somewhere to go.
I felt as though I had known Holland all my life.
And I know that Holland felt the same way: there was confirmation from a reliable source.
Holland's love for me was real.
But Holland had been a bachelor for decades - he was used to cutting and running when things got a little uncomfortable.
Marriage gets uncomfortable at times: that's called growth.
Holland never really relinquished his bachelorhood: he never cheated on me, but he never settled into a solid marital relationship, either. He's had 1 foot out the door for 8 months .. and moves into {separation mode} every 7 to 10 days.
Marriage makes Holland very uncomfortable.
The continual emotional upheaval wears me out: it makes me uncomfortable.
But I am thankful Holland was a part of my life: I learned that I was still able to love again. I am still capable of sharing my whole life with someone, again.
I will always have a heartfelt gratitude for Mr. Complication.
Gloria Gaynor - 'I Will Survive' song lyrics:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihUF8pbphbk)
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