GRATITUDE FOR MR. COMPLICATION

I am thankful for this interlude with Holland.

When Bob's physical body died, I went so deep inside myself that I couldn't feel anything but the deepest pain of loss.

I was numb.

A man wasn't even on my radar.

I wasn't lonely for a man … my life was full. I was busy enjoying life. I was comfortable embracing my unwanted Solo Lobo Life - and building a Queendom ;-)

And then Holland was there: and against my will, all those dormant feelings came to life. Elohim literally opened my eyes to see Holland; and all that love that had dried up when Bob went to live beyond the clouds, suddenly blossomed again and had somewhere to go.

I felt as though I had known Holland all my life.

And I know that Holland felt the same way: there was confirmation from a reliable source.

Holland's love for me was real.

But Holland had been a bachelor for decades - he was used to cutting and running when things got a little uncomfortable.

Marriage gets uncomfortable at times: that's called growth.

Holland never really relinquished his bachelorhood: he never cheated on me, but he never settled into a solid marital relationship, either. He's had 1 foot out the door for 8 months .. and moves into {separation mode} every 7 to 10 days.

Marriage makes Holland very uncomfortable.

The continual emotional upheaval wears me out: it makes me uncomfortable.

But I am thankful Holland was a part of my life: I learned that I was still able to love again. I am still capable of sharing my whole life with someone, again.

I will always have a heartfelt gratitude for Mr. Complication.

Gloria Gaynor - 'I Will Survive' song lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihUF8pbphbk)