I like this couple.
And worldly language does not offend me.
I'll be posting links & my thoughts, back-to-back in this post to keep the language and context in one place because I think the topics are important, I like the info, and it fits what my husband and I are working through in the moment, at this time in our Life.
Offended people can move along … and people interested, can keep reading :-)
From Doubt To Trust l 2 Be Better Podcast S2 E34: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7TvZz7ux0k)
I have to admit though, that normally I wouldn't give people like this the time of day (I KNOW how that sounds, but it's still the truth); BUT one day I was curious … so, I gave one of their podcast reels a listen.
And I LIKED what I was hearing.
I was hooked.
And I was thankful I was curious enough to get past the the weirdness.
I am learning through listening to their interactions, how to understand Holland better. Holland comes from a different world than I do - our childhood backgrounds are eerily similar … BUT our emotional, physical, and spiritual hemispheres are WORLDS APART.
Understanding, on my end, is important.
Understanding, on his end, is important.
There is realness coming through in these podcast reels. I like that. I introduced Holland to one of their reels last night, and a good discussion followed; we both liked that.
The calming and healing effect of a 1-minute hug cannot be overstated.
And little acts of kindness done as the dust begins to settle, goes a long way in spanning the gulf of hurt (shrapnel fallout, as well as unintended).
(2) GENDER ROLES: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLQUkwhhAIE)
The MF terminology is banned on our home because I find it highly offensive; that said, I do like the context of the topic in this discussion.
I laughed when I heard this fella describing himself, because this is SO Holland's character; everything is a challenge, and he intends to come out on top.
It took me a while to "get" this about him. While I always appreciated his manliness … his macho-man-masculinity can be a little much at times.
But, I get "it" now. And I can laugh now instead of doing a slow burn.
Holland is a natural Leader; so am I - because I've had to be.
Holland believes in gender roles … me, not so much: he is learning to relax in that area - and let me lend my strength when his pain is off the charts; and I'm learning to step back, and lean into his mindset a little when he needs to be the hero in the Day, and just enjoy the relaxation his mindset affords me. I like that I don't have to always be in survival mode anymore.
It's not about shutting down my own thoughts, or opinions.
It's about being able to being able to relax and not be "ON" all the time.
It's about knowing that whatever decision HE makes … he's going to include ME in the outcome: knowing I can slow my thoughts down because there will be no confusion in the outcome; the outcome will be equally satisfactory because respect will be involved on both sides.
(3) The Sandwich l The Side Piece S2 E11: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4BnnVfBPoc)
The entire first year of our marriage (except the sex part - and the assessment love: there was never any struggles in these areas, thank the Lord ;-)).
BUT there was a LOT to digest here, because we both came with baggage from past experiences and past marriages = my childhood was a hellish experience, and my first marriage was a very happy one: Holland's childhood was a struggle, and his first marriage was a disaster. We both have trust issues. Holland has very strong feelings concerning gender roles; I was raised a free spirit in a bohemian, hippy environment … I don't mind lending my strengths when needed - Holland struggles with that. And I struggle with THAT. I don't mind being pampered by someone who loves me, and I can get used to being a spoiled wife; but I'm not used to sitting on my hands and watching someone fight through physical pain because they feel the need to prove their manhood. Holland also has a lopsided mindset concerning male and female sexual behaviors (like the majority of males on the Redmill side of the family branch basically treat women as sexual toys to be used, discarded, and trash-talked), which is very biased, and that upsets me. My mindset is that there are man sluts just as there are female sluts - and the Redmill family is rife with both: I don't let the males off the hook they whip women with. This caused a lot of verbal sparring between us.
Holland insists on being an alpha-male leader, with a traditional submissive female in his family unit: I don't have issue with that. WHAT I DO take issue with, is that respect is earned rather than a guaranteed expectation - if a man wants to be in the leadership role, he needs to lead responsibly. MPO, is that having a penis does not just naturally catapult someone into the leadership role; the Redmill men feel differently. I am very uncomfortable around men that treat women disrespectfully: Hollands entire male nucleolus (family and friends) is made up of men with lopsided mentalities. That mindset caused issues between Holland and me.
We went through a pretty heavy {onion peeling} marital relationship for a year as we struggled to find a way to live peacefully together, that led to an intense outcome while cooling our heels along the Lewis River, in Woodland-WA this past summer. June and July were not a good months for us: emotionally the marriage was done, the continual warring had taken it's toll. Heart-wise we were still connected, which made the confusing conflicts more confusing. Spiritually, we were quickly tapping out.
It's refreshing to know - and SAY - that Holland and I have satisfactory worked through (talked out, actively listened) our issues and struggles, and we are confidently moving into the future to build a future, together.
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