Holland is the freest relationship I've ever been in.
I've been in relationships which had open ends = my choice; the guys were fun to be with, but they were easy to let go of, too. So, I did.
I had a 44 year old relationship, married to the love of my life. I waited for him - I always knew he was mine, always. So, I waited for him to realize that. Bob was my "it" man. But with pressures on all sides (ex-wife, stepson, mother, our daughter) I never felt like I belonged (I was actually TOLD that, by stepson, mother, & daughter) - it seemed to me, that I was always on the outside of my Life, looking in. At 17, I finally landed the man who stole my heart at 10 … and I was happy to be his wife for 44 years (95% of that time very happy) but I never felt free in that loving marriage. I always felt hobbled from being ME; because being me upset too many people making claims on Bob. Bob did love me, there is no doubt of that … but I had to shrink myself for decades to keep everyone else happy. And in the end - Bob is gone, and they are all still miserable people. The only one who is enjoying a life of freedom, now, is ME.
Holland, is the freest relationship I've ever had. YES, he can be overbearing some Days - BUT 100% of the time, I KNOW I'm wanted, loved, & protected: 99% of the time, he is open-handed in generosities. YES, some Days are difficult … but, I can be a bit of a live wire, myself, some Days. Marrying Holland was not hard for me to do = by the time I said "yes", stopped running & agreed to join my life with his - I felt like he had always been a part of my life (sounds weird, but strangely true). He made my heart feel comfortable (even when the heat is on, full force). Laughter comes easy (there is a joyful lightness in freedom). He likes it when I "doll up" in my bold, colorful outfits & sparkly makeup ("enjoy your day shopping - buy what you need & want, I'll like whatever you wear"). When possible & feasible, he goes out of his way to make my dreams & wishes come true (he never questioned my want for a life on the open road, he just hitched his wagon to mine & off we drove: 21 States in 3-1/2 years). He is protection alert; always on guard & stresses to me what I need to be on guard about, myself (and I listen, because he's been around some pretty rough & sketchy people, and understands the underbelly of society much better than I ever could).
Holland is an experience, that's truth; and most of the time, he's a good & pleasant experience. He gave me friendship when my life felt need to make space for friends. He gave me love when I wasn't aware that my Life needed more than comfortable companionship, He gives this "I can do it myself" woman, protection against the storms of life & unseen/unknown predators: with him by my side, I don't have to do it all by myself. For the first time in my entire life, I can set the heavy loads down, breathe easy, and simply rest without explaining to anyone, why.
Holland IS the most freeing experience I've ever indulged in.
And, I find myself enjoying it. It's a pleasant feeling to know that your mere existence puts the sparkle in someone else's eye, & the smile on their face. Freedom without conditions, is freeing indeed ❤️
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