HATCHING A NEW PLAN; Castle Rock-WA

August 23rd: We were hoping all of yesterday for a phone call telling us that Independence was ready for pickup … we went to bed disappointed and thinking there was another unforeseen snafu which would extend our motel rent :-(

However, this morning while sitting at Woodland's 'Austin Point' beachfront, watching a fleet of salmon fishermen's boats rocking with the waves, the call finally came.

So, we hurried back to town to collect a cashier's check :-)

Going after Independence.

The bridge work on I-5 in Woodland is seriously holding traffic up; and we wondered if we'd make it to Vancouver before the repair shop closed - the call came at 1:34 PM, & we finally made the Bank at 2:30 PM … a normal 10 minute drive took nearly a full hour, and that's just in Woodland, itself!

On our way to the traffic circle, Kenny Loggins came over the airwaves - and the song seemed appropriate for the danger zone we were faced with; traffic here is very tricky, there are several wrecks a day.

And, at that particular time, Kenny Loggins came over the airwaves ;-)

BOTH freeway lanes packed - as well as the frontage street to the bank.

Backtracking the frontage street to the traffic circle, on our way to the La Center backroad; back-to-back traffic.

The song fit the mood ;-)

Kenny Loggins - 'Danger Zone' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-AQT72TLhw)

Holland was sweating bullets weaving through the dicey traffic jams, and trying to make Vancouver on time - so, I suggested we take the back road through La Center, and get on the freeway there.

It worked; we made RV Pro before closing … and towed Independence behind us when we left.

Vancouver-WA from Woodland-WA; 19 min (17.5 mi) via I-5 S

Holland checked her out before we hooked up, and pulled out; the new roof looks good.

Hooking up & ready to roll ;-)

Finding a spot to park her though, was  not easy. She is looooong; and most RV Parks are booked for the Labor Day Holiday coming up. Holland tried to tap storage yards - no go, there, either: we did try with RV Storage in Ridgefield, but there was no one at the gate - and the woman on the phone was no help whatsoever. So, we drove back to Woodland, and parked Independence in a spacious parking lot kitty-corner from our motel room. There was nothing else to do. We locked Independence & Betsy up tight, and went to bed hoping they were still there in the morning - and still intact.

Tucked in for the night; Woodland-WA

August 24th: We woke early, Holland dropped Independence off at Woodland's Les Schwab … then came back to help with the packing & shifting of our things from the motel room into Betsy's cab.

This stays with us, no matter what …

Les Schwab waited until about an hour before closing shop, to get to our RV; the day was half gone, and the only RV Park we could secure a space at, was back in Castle Rock; and it was the most affordable quote we'd heard from anyone - so, that's where we went :-)

Got the brakes readjusted, & a tire replaced before we headed North …

Castle Rock-WA from Woodland-WA; 27 min (28.7 mi) via I-5 N

The Cars - 'Good Times Roll' song: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJwTcvO5Jbc)

We'd been set up here, before. We were fairly certain that this would be our fourth time back. We like it. It's located on the I-5 Corridor, halfway between Seattle-WA to the north, and Portland-OR, to the south.

Had a bit of a wait when we arrived; Holland joined the waiting game at the Office.

 

I chuckled when I saw our space marker ;-)

We were happy to get set up before sundown began. We were so sore from packing and shifting things out from the motel in Woodland, that by the time we wearily climbed the stairs and dropped our things on our home's floor, we collapsed in exhaustion - and didn't see the light of day again, until around 10 AM Sunday morning ;-)

It felt so good to be in our own home, & in our own bed, again.

However, we are planning on selling Independence … and possibly Betsy, too … and setting course for a new direction of our Road Gypsy Life.

Time will tell how it pans out in the end.

We are game for anything that will weave peace into our union - and this new direction may be just the ticket.

August 25th: We opened our eyes, stretched our aching bodies, and simultaneously declared today a "lazy day." We would rent a U-Haul trailer, come Wednesday, and collect our stuff from the storage shed in Woodland, then.

This entire week had been a crazy-train ride, and emotions on all sides … along with the hasty collection of Independence and relocation, had worn us to a frazzle: all we were setting our minds to do, was relax and recover.

So, that's what we did.

We drove into Longview around 4 PM to grab a couple days' munchies, but that was pretty much the extent of pushing our bodies into action. LOL

While in Longview, we treated ourselves to a bowl apiece of Baskins Robbins Ice Cream; after grocery shopping & before heading home. It had been awhile since Holland had been there … and I'd never been there before today, so it was an enjoyable treat ;-)

After we'd been home about 2 hours, Holland was watching a YouTube video about RVing couples, and he pulled his headphones off and motioned for me to do the same; then he said, "Baby, no matter how annoyed I get at times, you know I do love you, right? So don't take it personal when I'm in pain and get snippy." I grinned, and said, "Yes. I know." Then he said, "I'm watching this video about the couple who are RVing full time, like us; and the man says - "I've been married to this woman for 55 years and she annoys the hell out of me, but I love her anyway." Holland started laughing, his eyes dancing in my direction. Smiling at the happy wonder on his face (it seems he's finally understanding that togetherness includes the good, the bad, and the ugly moments = real love relationship), I said, "That's married life, Hon."

We grinned at each other, then went back to our personal interests.

At least we are laughing about married life, now ;-)

August 26th: We woke up this morning to a text on Holland's phone asking about Independence & Betsy (Holland listed them for sale, last night); hopefully we will have a sale before the week is out - if this guy flakes out, Elohim will send someone else.

Then we drove to Woodland, to grab some things out of storage, there (one of the things was the little electric heater - it's getting nippy!): we are paid up until September 1st.

We need to stay put for a few days while the AD runs on various Sale Sites, so Holland asked for a space rent extension - and was told we can move to Space #161 and stay put until September 4th; so, that's what we did.

New space = #161, until September 4th; Castle Rock-WA

Pretty purple Fall hued leaves.

We have Plans in the works, but all of that depends on how Elohim directs our footsteps ;-)

Norton Hall Band - 'He Leadeth Me' Hymn: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7OSA_2mWKo)

When the Ark Door Closes~The Olive Tree Ministries

Jan Markell and Jeff Kinley discuss the closing of the Ark door which begins the Tribulation.

This is the beginning of sorrows outlined in Matthew 24. Since we’re close, everything is ramping up and we’re warned to “see that no one misleads you.”

When the Ark Door Closes – Jeff Kinley and Pastor Josh Schwartz:  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIrt1p4Pr40)

NOTE: I am not advocating the buying of books, & I do not read the books being sold … I listen to the broadcast, and I stick to the Scriptures.

PIE DISCREPANCIES~DC Gluttons

Hmmm …

I don't notice the obama THIEVES "giving up" ANY of their  STOLEN "pie"!

Instead, they are back at the DC table FOR THE FOURTH TIME grabbing for MORE 🤬 and forcefully slapping at anyone who tells them they have enough.

STORY OF OUR LIVES; Woodland-WA

I was finishing up the book, 'Colorado Gold', when I asked Holland, "Do you remember the afternoon at Oak Point, when we were all sitting around talking in the kitchen - sharing testimonies, and you asked me if I had every considered writing a book?" He said he remembered. I continued: "My Blog is my story, Holland - my testimony; and you are part of my story now. I know you get upset when I include some things you would rather I didn't … but that is all part of it, Holland. And some day, when your {becoming} has matured into your butterfly stage, this story of US will be beautiful. There will be a beautiful unfolding, Holland. Change is never easy; but it is required as life evolves. My Life includes you, now. Our Life Story is evolving." He said, "It's not the kind of story I had in mind; but you do what you have to do, Baby. Obey God, no matter what."

We may be going through a hard time right now, and Holland may not like that I share our hard struggles with the world … and some may think "too much drama!": but the Scriptures are FULL of people like us - and worse … that had their lives healed, turned around, and their testimonies of victorious overcoming used, to highlight Elohim's never-ending love, compassion, and healing.

The Bible does not spin the flaws, or weaknesses, of the people Elohim called to purpose for His glory.

And we dare not keep our life stories of struggles or victories silent,  because they may very well be what someone else needs to read, or hear, to help them get over their life's hurdles ;-)

Abraham was old

Sarah was impatient

Noah got drunk

Leah was unattractive

Joseph was abused

Jacob was a liar

Moses stuttered

Miriam was a gossip

David was a murderous adulterer

Gideon was insecure

Rahab was a prostitute

Naomi was a widow

Samson was a womanizer

Elijah was moody

Jonah ran from Elohim

Job was bankrupt

Jeremiah was depressed

Esther was an orphan

John the Baptist was eccentric

Zacchaeus was short

The Samaritan woman was an adulteress

Mathew was a cheater

Lazarus was dead

Martha was a worrier

Thomas was a doubter

Peter denied Christ out of fear

Paul murdered Christians

Timothy had poor health

Elohim specializes in using imperfect people to do extraordinary, and wonderous things - when they acknowledge Him, repent, and follow Yeshua's Salvation Plan :-)

Yeshua has impressed this Scripture passage on my heart many times over the past 2 years; and although the Hebrew word to “stand still” in each case is slightly different (“yatsab” in Exodus 14: 13 and “amad” in 2 Chronicles 20: 17), both have a very similar meanings in English – to abide, stand fast, stand firm, continue, endure, be employed by Elohim and to establish His purposes. And so, I WILL STAND & trust in Elohim's Plan :-)

THE BLOOD IS LIBERATING~HEALING

Holland had to get his blood pressure checked this morning, so, while he's gone, I want to post these thoughts I'm hoping will give some insight into our situation - I am not making excuses, or giving way to bad behavior: that's not who I am. I'm just trying to explain as best I understand. And to ask for prayer for our situation.

The Redmill family nucleus is highly dysfunctional - and that is the environment Holland was raised in, and still embraces: he doesn't know anything else. For all his wandering from State to State all over mainland America, he's been pretty sheltered. He has never strayed very far from the family tentacles - he's lived with family members off and on, he's worked with family members ALL of his working life, he's rented homes and apartments from family members; he's run around with family members, he drank and drugged with family members … and he is still in very close contact with family members; and dysfunctional {friends} he has met through family connections over the years.

He has NEVER been solo lobo in his Life.

I don't think he has met many strangers; if he did, the connections were short and very far between. The chaotic disfunction is definitely family oriented.

He has always been immersed in dysfunction. He doesn't know how to function without constant chaos.

Add a brain injury to that - and you've got a mess.

I know all this about him. And the family chaos is no secret either, around these parts.

I know beyond a show of a doubt that Holland loves me; and isn't aware of what comes out of his mouth when he's under pressurized stress. When the heat of the moment passes, he truly does not remember what he said … about an hour after the stress settles down on his end, he's always surprised that he hurt (and-or) angered me; he's always sorry when he "wakes up and smells the coffee," and immediately goes about trying to make amends.

Even though he says he wants things to work out between us, hurled words fired off in anger is hard to overlook: they echo through the mind, regardless of given forgiveness.

I work hard - and have worked hard all my life to practice forgiveness and jumping emotional hurdles.

I know PRAYER WORKS.

I grew up with brain-damaged parents: father = execution bullet damage, during war time, that lasted his entire life - and led to frequent vicious behaviors when under stress; and mother = motorcycle accident during her college years, that lasted her entire lifetime that led to occasional vicious behaviors when stress overwhelmed her. Then there was the brain-damage period I went through with Bob, following his 1981 death episode; he was never mean-spirited, but it was still a hard period to get through.

Basically, ALL of my Life I have been dealing with brain-damaged people, and their spontaneous irrational behaviors that come out of the blue - when a situation that doesn't appear stressful becomes the one internal straw that breaks the camel's back.

I've been dealing with my own PTSD before, and following, Bob's death in 2018. Most of the time, I've been able to get over the hurdles because I have deliberately kept stressful people and stressful situations out of my Life. PTSD is easier to deal with if there are no hidden landmines.

That is hard to do in this marriage, because Holland is a chaos conduit; but with prayer and a strong Friends Support System, I can effectively get through this period in my Life, too.

With Prayer, I know we can handle things better; I know we both need deliverance from PTSD triggers that derail our happiness:

God designed marriage so that man and woman could come together and be saved from their sins. When husband and wife come together in holy matrimony, they commit to God's plan for their lives. This plan includes helping each other stay on the path to salvation. God designed marriage for three primary purposes: companionship, procreation, and redemption. These purposes are still relevant today.

Marriage ultimately displays the glory and grace of God by picturing the unbreakable relationship between Christ and his church: God enters into it, and it cannot be broken. In a valid marriage, God is the glue in marriage.

Husbands are to love unconditionally and sacrificially, putting his wife's needs before his own. He is to be attentive and affectionate and meet her need for security. Wives are to respect their husbands. Wives are to reinforce and meet a husband's need for significance by valuing him and esteeming him.

God's purpose for marriage is to be a picture of His love to a watching world.

We are striving mightily to come together on every level, and keep this marriage Elohim has purposed.

We were called together to be used together for Elohim's Purpose; we know everyone - Church, as well as the worldly eyes, are on us.

We both know we have personal - and joint - issues to iron out; and we are deliberately making every effort to overcome the fiery darts coming at our marriage from Lucifer … and both of us, when the heat is on.

Psalm 121: "My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven & earth; the LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth and even forevermore." The strength and the love of your marriage don't depend on you being in love, but on Love being in you.

Proverbs 16-32: "Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city."

Proverbs 12:4: “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband." Solomon writes here that a wife who lacks discretion (Proverbs 11:22: A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout. Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful face on an empty head) by inviting a bad reputation, or ridicule, also brings her husband pain. Just as decaying bones would cause severe pain, so a wife of ignoble character causes her husband great angst.

The operational definition of discretion is “the ability to avoid words, actions, and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences.” A person practices discretion by thoughtfully considering the possible consequences before taking any action.

Discretion means knowing when you should share information and when you should be silent. Discretion also is about knowing that just because you know something, doesn't mean you need to share it. And when in doubt, leave it out.

Please keep us held up in Prayer before the Mercy Seat. This is not a typical abuse situation, regardless of how it looks to someone looking into our life during the midst of a PTSD crisis moment (we both suffer this). We need prayerful compassion and if possible, empathy.

People hurt each other; that's the ugly part of being human.

But there's something uglier than that … not being able to forgive.

Yeshua strongly stressed the need to forgive: for our own benefit and spiritual growth, as well as lifting the burden of regret from the oppressor's shoulders. Forgiveness is a hallmark of Christianity.

Heartcry Worship - 'Nothing But The Blood' Lyrics:  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-J8PPbIdHc)

Thank you for your concern.

Thank you for your enveloping love.

Thank you for trying to understand.

Thank you to those standing in the gap, holding my arms up, and strengthening us with prayer.

Martina McBride - If You Don't Know Me By Now

I don't talk about my intimate family (private pillow talk between husband & wife, kids, grandkids, siblings); there are reasons for that - #1 reason is that it's really nobody's business.

BUT

This time I will. Because I'm tired of being the "bad guy". I'll only share these things this one time: I've shared some things with Holland during the duration of this unhappy marriage … but, he claims ignorance when the fight is on.

So …

Holland's favorite barbed  accusation is: "you're so full of hate even your own family won't have anything to do with you! And you hate my friends because you don't have any of your own!" & "you are so hateful, you hate everyone!"

Holland's interpretation of hate is a LOT different than mine 😟

I won't share pillow talk because that is private husband and wife stuff, and even though Holland is "splitting the sheet", I won't spill private conversations. That is ours, alone.

However … because Holland thinks I've "lived a charmed life", let me clarify: as to siblings, kids, and grandkids: it's all a tangled mess - mostly of unnecessary shenanigans that cater to self, destructive lifestyles, drug usage, alcoholism, inappropriate {friends}, ect. Basically the same shit I am dealing with when it comes to Holland.

I was raised in religiosity, paganism, sexual misconduct, drugs, alcohol, and domestic violence. I do NOT want that in my personal life. I have been upfront about this with ALL my friends, and both husbands. I became a Christian at age 8, and I do not hang with destructive people. I want a peaceful environment in MY home.

My siblings are still living in a self-destructive atmosphere of hostility, domestic violence, drugs, alcohol, and sexual deviancy. THEY CHOOSE TO AVOID ME because "you are a Christian, and you offend our friends." I have reached out to ALL of them over the years - the connections are very short lived. Ramona, in my deepest hour of need, accused me of wanting to kill my husband … and Bob himself, shut her up and sent her packing; and her granddaughter Kiona, actually posted on FB A FEW MONTHS AFTER BOB'S DEATH, that "your religion killed your husband": I cut ties with both of those miserable harpies, and haven't spoken to either one of them since. Carla came alongside me for six months - while Bob was in the local hospital, and for 6 months following his death; she also, through a DNA test, connected with our eldest sister Iris - I was extremely happy about this. But over time, the connection between Carla and I fell away because Carla is a lesbian and she says, "you are a Christian, you make my friends nervous." Mahlon and Sam are alcoholic druggies, and angry self-pity rules their lives: we mutually agree to steer clear of each other. I have never preached Christianity in their homes while visiting their homes: their homes are theirs, and I am a guest when there. But, my siblings are toxic people, and they feel guilty about the way they are living their lives. I want a peaceful life.

Both my husbands came with baggage - I understood that; I come with baggage. BUT I do not embrace angst, and feed it with self-pity. I do not self-medicate to ignore the pain. Bob eventually stopped destroying his body with drugs & alcohol, and became a Christian in the Spring of 1982; peace reigned in our marriage & home, until he was called Home beyond the clouds in Winter of 2018. Holland truly had me fooled - he fooled me by breezing into my life under the guise of "I am a Christian": he isn't, never has been, and is angry that I am 100% and can't be swayed to join him in his self-destructive mode; so, he wants "out!" … and I am letting him go out the door. I want a peaceful home environment.

My kids and grandkids (I include Bob's son, and granddaughters) have chosen to walk the world's path; they were all raised in a Christian environment, but want nothing of Elohim or Yeshua. They wanted socialism, communism, sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. We cannot force our children to follow Christ - that is a personal choice; they choose not to. Between our children and grandchildren, there are 4 alcoholics, 5 druggies & 1 forced prescribed user, 5 sexual deviants, 2 transvestites, and 1 throuple. Socialism, communism, paganism, witchcraft, and islam runs through the tangled mess. I was told very vociferously in 2021, on my last trip to Wilsonville-OR for my grandson's BD, that, "you are not welcome here anymore: you upset us. You are a Christian, and you make our friends uncomfortable." All I did was be present … but even that was too much for them. So, I left: and have had very brief contact with 2 of my granddaughters that still acknowledge me. I have asked repeatedly for a picture of my growing grandson, and have been denied. Giving into their guilty consciences, THEY CUT ME OUT, while keeping Ramona in their lives (her brand of {christianity} is much like Holland's), so she is acceptable; me being absent from their lives is not my choice. I have never preached Christianity in their homes while visiting their homes: their homes are theirs, and I am a guest when there. But, my children are toxic people, and they feel guilty about the way they are living their lives: I agreed to stay away for the peace of their homes. Holland has met one of my granddaughters, shortly after we married. Apparently he chooses to forget that meeting.

Holland KNOWS all of this because I have explained to him WHY there is no contact with my family. He knows that I miss them, because there are some days I cry with the missingness - especially for my 10 year old grandson who is growing up without knowing me (I haven't seen him since he was 6 years old); I doubt my Name is even mentioned. Last time I spent any quality time with him at all, was before Bob went into the hospital and never came out alive; he was 4 years old at that time.

Holland knows nothing about my Friends, because he has no interest in meeting any of them, except for 1. According to Holland I am so "hateful, you have no friends!" I do, but he refuses to meet them. Most of my Friends are Christians. I do have acquaintances - and 1 or 2 friends,  that are not … but IF I spend time WITH people in the flesh, at all, it's pretty much with my Christian friends; because by the time I feel like peopling, I want to be surrounded by peaceful, warm, and friendly vibes. I don't like constant drama or political hysteria fouling up my days: Holland does; he thrives on turmoil - and he wants to people all the time to get his daily fix of chaos.

Holland was raised in a cultic religious atmosphere; he has a vineyard devil, and when he's particularly mean-spirited, he goes for my jugular by spitefully shooting angry words at me. Words he knows are wrong. He wants to hurt me, so he dredges up my family and hurls those hurts at me, hoping for a score. But the fiery darts miss their mark because they have no real power - he doesn't know anything about me … because he has never really wanted to know ME. He has always focused on a weak spot that he can poke when the devil rises in him.

Everything I am posting is common knowledge: shared among friends either during coffee chit-chat where we are all sharing about family … or in prayer circles: and people who grew up with me through the years already know because they went through most of the upheavals with me. They KNOW that I love my family. They also know that that love has been hurled back into my face with a vengeance, because they have handed me kleenex while helping me pick up the shattered pieces. My friends have literally kept me alive, in more ways than one. But Holland doesn't know this - and he is being decidedly anti-friend right now.

He doesn't know me. We've been married nearly 2 years now, and he's been so self-focused, and so controlling, that he has tuned everything out … except his want to "get out!" so he "can get back to enjoying life, again!" with aging bad company stalled with a 21-year old mentality, stuck in a self-destructive cycle. I have never preached Christianity in the homes of his relatives while visiting their homes: their homes are theirs, and I am a guest when there. But, his friends are toxic people, and he feels guilty about spending time away from me to be with them (I've not met them, and I have no interest in meeting them), because of the way they are living their lives … and he hasn't shared Jesus with any of them, for fear of offending them.

And I'm finally in agreement with his want to separate. I'm a 67 year old Christian - I LIKE my aging body (still holding up fairly well) & graying hair (a sign of wisdom ;-)) - reliving and rehashing a 21-year old lifestyle seems ridiculous at this stage of life. My family life is an angry mess - my husband is supposed to be a sanctuary against the world's pain: instead he insists on dragging the world into our home, inflicting pain. I just want a peaceful home environment.

He has worn me down with the continual drip-drip-drip of nonstop self-indulgent bitching and complaining. I'm too "crazy Christian" for his comfort. So, he can "go!", and I'll wear the "hater!" badge with pride. I am not ashamed of The Gospel, or of Yeshua's call to change.

There is nothing "charmed" about the life I have lived. Christianity is not a charm - it's a vibrant and satisfying PEACEFUL Lifestyle that requires change; change is fluid, it is something that happens 24/7 every day of the year. Sometimes change is painful; Christianity is not a "get out of pain" Pass. Christianity promises life, but it also promises loss: you WILL LOSE PEOPLE along the way - I've lost my entire family, and possibly my new husband.

Holland is afraid to make waves; he's never actually been on his own … he's always had family and friends to fall back on.

I've been on my own all my life; I don't like it, but I can do it. I am a survivor. And I know Yeshua will always be with me - in the thick, or the thin.

Independence will be in the shop for a few more weeks. What happens when she is sprung, is up to Holland - he can either get with the program ("it's a God-thing, Baby"), change his outlook and behavior … or we go our separate ways. But I am no longer accepting bad behavior. I don't have a lot of time left to walk this Earth, and I want peace in my life while walking through Life.