REFINING SEASON~Woodland-WA

I know a lot of you are wondering why Holland & I stay together … you're not alone: we wonder the same thing most of the time.

Here's the thing - we KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that Elohim brought us together; there was no other way it could have happened.

But here's the kicker: it's hard to maintain a relationship with an addict … and Holland is an adrenaline addict - he needs the hype of constant family drama, the swells & crashes of Vicodin and alcohol, the challenge of fights, and the bullshit chest-thumping macho-man behavior. I don't need, or want, any of that in my life (or our life, together).

It's equally hard for an adrenaline addict to maintain a relationship with a 100% sold-out-Jesus Freak who just wants to live a peaceful laid-back Life without all the addiction hype. Hail Mary passes don't cut the mustard with sold-out.

When two totally opposite worlds collide, there is loudness. There is damage. There is a "what the hell just happened" fallout that is hard to recover from.

I know Holland reads my Page when we aren't talking because he makes comments that tell me that he had been reading my Page 😉

Most of what I post is so my Prayer Warrior compadres know what to pray about so the prayers are specifically pro-active. Most of what I post is also what I want my husband to understand when he turns his ears off and turns his unruly mouth on.

Love is hard; the first seven years of my marriage to Bob were extremely difficult … primarily for the very same reasons as this marriage; but after Bob got saved and turned his life around, the majority of the remaining years before his death were good and solid. I believe this marriage will be good and solid too, once the kinks are worked out.

Complicated love with Mr. Complication is a whole new challenge. And I am slowly beginning to understand that Elohim will very deliberately drop into our lives what we have so carefully and determinedly avoided all of our lives. I have studiously avoided addicts of every shape and form - but NOW Elohim is forcing me to deal with the avoidances. It's not easy, and we both lose our tempers and want to chuck the whole kit and caboodle when the heat is on; but there are also tender times … and THAT is what the seeds of love will take root in, and thrive with.

I don't know how to lie about, or cover up hurtful times, so I truthfully state that my heart is staggering under the constant rain of continual bullshit (the fights always center around his jim jones cult-like family members, & his need to play Jesus in their lives instead of leaving them to seriously find the REAL Jesus and REAL salvation; & his equally shady {friends}) … at this point we aren't even kind or gentle towards each other (my mouth can get unruly, too - the hurt cuts both ways when a fight erupts); BUT, on an up note, yesterday I pulled myself away from the verbal battling and spent the majority of yesterday sitting in Betsy where I finished reading one of my estate sale novels -and started reading another, before I decided to walk half a mile to the Safeway store up the street to grab some crispy fried chicken for my solo lobo supper: I was happy to notice that my left ankle was strong without any numbness felt, & my left leg swung easily without feeling heavy: THANK YU'ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS - this latest piriformis muscle snafu is healing 😁

A page turner; it kept interest til the last  page :-)

I'll finish this book today - but I am not cheating by reading the last page beforehand ;-)

On my way back from my Safeway walk, I heard a familiar horn honk as I passed by; and looked up to see that Holland had come to fetch me home. For all his angry talk of divorce in the grip of Vicodin & alcohol withdrawals, he is not willing to let this love go by.

This was an era when marriages were arranged by parents, and the people getting married were kinda forced into the situation; often love did not take root until deep into an {ify} union. The advice seems pertinent in this marriage also, that was arranged by Elohim (our Father) … and is going through a real rough patch at the moment. Holland and I weren't forced - but our marriage definitely WAS "arranged" ;-)

And that's a start to love seeds thriving after a colliding world's impact ❤️

Elle King - 'Love Go By' song: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESpGyBvX63k)

My relationship with Mr. Complication has always been been complicated, but I know that whatever happens in my Life was planned by Elohim; so I am not overly concerned about the outcome - I know it will be solid gold once the dross is taken care of 😉