Truth.
For me, it is better to be hurt with an unpleasant truth - than to be lied to, "to protect" me. I'm not protected if I'm kept in the dark about situations I need to be aware of … or, treated like a child "for your own good": ignorance is not good. The truth eventually comes out, and the pain caused by that happenstance is far worse than knowing it in the beginning.
Friends don't silently stand by when someone is trashing you - at least, I don't. If someone starts bad mouthing one of my friends to me, I will shut them down; immediately, saying, "That's my friend you're gossiping about. I don't want to hear it." Or … if they won't shut their mouth, I will just herd them towards the door, and say again, "That's my friend you're gossiping about. I don't want to hear it."
If I am suspicious of a friend's friend, who is behaving like a suspicious person trying to be [a friend] - but actually just a rotten tomato phishing for juicy tidbits to spread across the county … I will deliberately feed them the tidbit they are angling for: it won't be true, but they will be true to their nature. In this way, when the gossip finds it's way back to me via the gossip grapevine … I will know exactly how the tale originated & who started the mouthy wildfire. I can't help who my friends hang with apart from me - BUT I can help who gets close to me. And sometimes, a little heavy pruning needs to be done; I don't have a problem cutting problematic branches off.
I can overlook ignorance; but I can never overlook deliberate cruelty. Like I mentioned before - I can't help who my friends hang with apart from me - BUT I can help how it affects me. It tells me a lot about a person when they can continue a tight friendship with someone who deliberately goes out of their way to make me look like a fool, feel inadequate, or totally shut out of the equation. That all of THAT is allowed to continue because "they're my friend, too" … then, I can (and do!) walk away from disloyalty, disrespect, and intolerance = in short, betrayal.
I know my worth.
And I expect my Friends to know that worth also.
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