OCTOBER; Castle Rock-WA

Bob seriously started leaving my Life in October 2018

Elohim started answering Holland's 35 year old prayer in October 2021

Yeshua opened my eyes - literal & spiritual - to the possibility of making space in my heart for a new face in October 2022.

Both of us have walked similar life paths that could have broken us … instead those paths converged & brought us together.

Time does not "heal" - time circles the sun & reminds us with every passing. When melancholy starts to shadow our Day … we both understand, and allow grace towards each other. We both "get it"; and do what we can to comfort. I give Holland quiet, space, and hugs - Holland gives me "take the Day off, Baby - I'll handle everything" & a relaxing country drive.

Yeshua heals.

Elohim fills the void.

October will always be a sad time for me; when the Grim Reaper came to collect.

Bob~1976

Bob & Azariah~June 2014; my life would be empty of both (husband & grandson), in December 2018

October will also always be a happy time for me; when prayerful Love, & a patient man, breathed life back into my Life.

Holland; January 2023 - fresh back from our Honeymoon.

He's got an infectious laugh~the laugh that snagged my heart & landed me squarely in his life. Permanently. August 2025; Ocean Park-WA

2 men fill my heart: 1 gave me wonderful memories & 1 goes out of his way to fill my New Life with wonderful memories.

My breath & wings; Holland; October 2023~Quartzsite-AZ

I am a very blessed woman.

And I'm learning to lean into October with joyful anticipation, again 😘

THAT SAID - I'm posting this old post of mine that showed up in a FB Feed, that showed up this afternoon because it dove-tails with the above thoughts … & Holidays are upon us; grace & wisdom are greatly needed when dealing with people:

{{Pamela Williams~Just this Widows Thoughts~

💛And then you remember💛

I'm just going to put this out there because it needs to be said and there are a lot of judgmental people out there that have no clue what they are talking about....and all I can think is... lucky for them.

I not only see it daily in my widows group but I've also been judged myself many times. Even by family members.

Unless you've lost someone that was your entire world, please keep this in mind before saying something you know nothing about.

When you want to say "She's not over that yet?...or he's not moved on yet? or she's STILL grieving? Know this...Yes! We will forever grieve. There is no "getting over it".

When you've lost a spouse, a child, a mother, father, sister or brother....there is no "getting over it" We live every single day with the loss. Especially the triggers and reminders that they are no longer with us. Something as simple as a trip to the grocery store can bring all the pain back to us.

You see his deodorant on the shelf at Walmart. For that split second you reach to grab it...then you remember.

Your song since high school together starts playing on the radio...then you remember.

A friend posts a picture of her dinner she made last night , and it was your husband's favorite meal....then you remember.

A guy is pumping gas right next to you and he's wearing the same shirt as "his"....then you remember.

You hear a car backfire outside your window one afternoon , and your husband died from a shotgun to the chest....then you remember.

You see a husband & wife hand in hand walking down the block for an after dinner walk , and you don't have yours anymore....then you remember.

Your friend got some new boots and wants to show them to you. You smell the leather and your hubby used to wear a leather jacket.....then you remember.

During a commercial break they advertise the new season of what was yours & his favorite show but you haven't been able to watch a single episode since he's been gone....then you remember.

A dad posts a picture of him walking his daughter down the aisle and your daughter will never have that....then you remember.

You wake up one morning after finally having a good night's sleep and you open your eyes...and then you remember.

You're in pain and you wish he could give you a back rub....but then you remember.

See, every minute of every day is filled with reminders of what you loved most...and worst yet, what you lost.

So when you're annoyed by the cashier because she seems to be in a mood...or that person in front of you at the stop light doesn't go fast enough when the light turns green...or the old lady next door is always asking you to do things for her just because she's lonely...Try to remember that some people's lives have been totally changed by a tragic loss. There are a hundred things a day that keep their pain alive. Even when they may be trying their best to move forward. You don't know what is in someone's heart. You don't know what that person has suffered through. So Until you watch your husband take his last breath ....or until you are kissing your father goodbye as he forever drifts away from cancer....or until you are asked to come identify your child's body that's been missing for 2 weeks or killed in an a accident ....don't judge what you know nothing about. It's very easy to say what you would do or how you would act or how soon you would "move on"...but know this.....Until it happens to you, you don't know! Our days are filled with a hundred of those "and then I remembered" ...

So try to remember that yourself the next time you ask "She's still grieving?"}}

SELF-PRIDE DOESN'T LOOK GOOD ON ANYBODY; Castle Rock-WA

There is a disturbing trend going through the religious sector today: toxic masculinity - that encourages rude, obnoxious, and downright abusive  behaviors in "godly men" … & self-righteous femininity - that preaches prudity, a closed-off mentality, and an overt prideful spirit in "godly women". BOTH are a stink in the nostrils of Almighty God.

While it is true that men today, have been pussified and have had no guidance in how to be a man because actual men are far and few between in today's society - giving rein to pride won't offer wisdom, and will actually do more harm than good. No woman in her right mind will want a male in her life who seeks to dominate her by emotionally & spiritually abusing her: physical abuse usually follows quickly when pride takes root in a man's life & subjugation is forced on a woman.

And on the other hand, while it is true that women today, have become hard & brittle caricatures of womanhood - generations of femininity was lost during the rise & subsequent upheavals of the 1960's & 1970's "women's liberation" movement that swept the land and got a firm grip on the globe. But swinging to far to the other side in an attempt to balance the scales is not wise, and will actually do more harm than good. No man in his right mind will want a woman in his life who will make life harder by attempting to be holier than God, Himself: that was tried, and failed in the Victorian Era. It was disastrous then … and will be disastrous, now. When pride enters a life, it usually snuffs out all common sense - and sucks the joy out of Life, in general.

The reel, below, that paraded itself through my newsfeed today, really annoyed me.

It annoys me because it screams "self-pride!"

And the entire attitude is not beneficial to a Christian woman. A Christian woman relies on Elohim's Will … not her own - not the opinions of those around her, whispering in her ears, coaching her in holiness. To her detriment.

The way Elohim sees a situation -  and the way everyone else sees a situation can, and often, are very different. The ways of Elohim are a  mystery; His wonders to perform.

Women can change.

Men can change.

Change can be very good for those involved in the game of life.

Self-pride has no place in a 'daughter of God' Life. None - nada.

BUT … he CAN learn to appreciate, and get on the right side of things.

Delilah & Jezebel lose their luster when he's in the presence of a Godly woman: Ruth didn't run … she knew her worth, yet she humbly pledged herself to the man who first paid her no attention. Elohim brought him around, and Boaz eventually saw her worth and brought her under his protection. Their marriage was good & strong. Yeshua's earthly lineage was a direct link to Ruth & Boaz.

Esther came from humble beginnings, but rose to be Queen over an empire. The woman before her had held the King's heart … until she didn't any longer; her self-importance did her in & the King, once smitten by her beauty, soured of her ego - enter Esther. Esther was a Jew: Elohim chose for her a man who did not know her God; a man who did not follow her religion. A man that basically ignored her until he needed arm candy. Her husband was a busy, worldly, man - a man of supreme rule: to enter his presence without a direct invite was a death wish. His word was rule; no one questioned his supremacy. She dared. He gave her audience and listened. A nation was saved because her courage refused to be ignored. Esther did not rely on her physical attributes - she relied on Elohim with her, guiding her, going before her to prepare the way.

Worldly ways may captivate for a season … but Elohim's Ways secure what the world obscures. Beauty may last for a season, "but a good wife? Her worth is above rubies" (Proverbs 31:10)

A wise woman knows her worth.

And the man Elohim chooses for her, eventually understands that concept, too ❤️

Maybe you were born, for such a time as this: for such a man as this. For such a purpose as this.

In seeking a holy life, be careful not to overstep Elohim's Plan with a prideful spirit - it is that prideful spirit that was the downfall of Delilah & Jezebel.

It was holy courage that spurred the godly women of ancient days (like Ruth & Esther) to bravely embrace the men Elohim had hand-picked for them. For such a time. For such a purpose.

I'm not advocating to go out and find a bad boy to win for Christ - that is foolhardy and will end in a mess. But what I am saying, is that Elohim brings 2 people together for His glorification … and most of the time that glorification comes about through perplexing and trying times.

Every situation in this Life is a lesson, leading to holiness for the heirs walking in His ways and trusting in His outcome for their lives.

It behooves us to keep our eyes on Him, and trust Him in all situations.

He knows what is best for us - and we will have the best, when we trust for the best.

Self-pride doesn't look good on anybody.

Be wise.

Seek Elohim's direction when interest is piqued.

Wait on the Spirit's leading - do not rush in where angels fear to tread … and don't hang back out of fear. If he's "the one", he'll wait. He'll weigh the change necessary - and act accordingly. If he walks … he's not the one.

Understand what you are getting into; give ear to wise counsel.

Proceed with caution: the heart is exceedingly deceitful. Always move forward with much prayer, leaning on the Holy spirit's wisdom.

Enter with courage and bravely forge ahead - trusting Him, in all things.

'BECOMING' BLOOM; Kingman-AZ

Everything is happening quickly - and yet not fast enough; and people (here and there) are blooming, in one way or another.

We drove a hop, skip, and a jump … down the road and over to Aunt Gaye's this morning, to see how she's doing; we were happy to see she was up and looking spry 👌 And when she told us that she wants us to go look at an Assisted Living Complex with her, Monday afternoon, we were excited for her. This is a good decision. It took her a while to accept the changes she is dealing with, and it took a lot of bravery on her part to loosen the grip on her life-long independence steak.

She already has a friend at this place she is interested in. She can take the furniture she wants to furnish her apartment, and leave the rest to sell with her home; listing it as "furnished" (as I did, 2 years ago); she can take her plants, and books; she can take her fancy coffee machine; she can still have her friend circle over for weekly gatherings … and she will have round the clock staff on site (not hovering, but close by) to make sure she doesn't fall and isn't left injured for days until someone comes along to check on her, or drop in for a visit. She will have meals delivered - people will make sure she eats regularly. Her apartment will have a spacious livingroom, a reasonable sized kitchen complete with a full-size 'fridge, a large size bedroom with attached master bath (she could even have 2 bedrooms, if she choses), either a patio or a balcony (her choice), a craft room, a recreational room, some have on-site salons and barber shops, an entertainment center, a library, ect., an on-site room cleaning staff (if she wants that): these complexes are very nicely laid out; and kinda like a spread out community under one large roof.

It was obvious to us, as we listened to her, that she has given this change of heart a great deal of thought, and has made her decision to sell and move. This switch about wasn't even on the table the other day - and we were concerned, knowing we would be leaving April 2nd. She has friends and family … but they cannot be with her round the clock in case she falls, her hearing aids fritz out, her joints give her trouble, ect. And she really should not be driving.

Her decision is easing her mind, knowing she won't be a burden to her children. I think she is even liking the idea that she won't be alone - like she is now.

Her [over night] decision eased our minds and hearts, too; knowing she can live freely and enjoy a pretty independent life … while having someone in her general vicinity with a 24 hour on-site-staff 😁

After we left Aunt Gaye, we drove over to DQ to celebrate this answer to prayer with ice cream blizzards 😉

And I spotted a niffy '50's car, so we drove over there and asked the owner if I could take a picture of it …

Unique colored 1955-56 Chevy Bel-Air 2-post car.

When I got back home, I logged onto FB, and was thankful to read that my friend Becky passed from this life into everlasting Life peacefully. Elohim is good, and Yeshua is faithful ☝️

{{We lost my beautiful mother early this morning. Expressing words and emotions are extremely difficult right now. She was surrounded by my dad and ALL of us girls, whether in person or on video call. We prayed with her, hugged her, kissed her, and sang to her as she went peacefully and without pain to go meet Jesus. We will miss her dearly, but we will see her again! Love you, mama! ❤️}}

My friend Becky - R.I.P.

She was always smiling or laughing. She had a goofy personality = always bubbly & fun. A good friend. A faithful Daughter of the Most High God. Loved her husband, 6 daughters, & grandchildren. Always ready to help others in any way she could. She will be deeply missed.

James Taylor - 'Fire and Rain' song: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPA2S0pr6B8)

Change is always inevitable.

People are always in a blossoming evolution.

Life always moves forward.

EPSTEIN DOJ FILES~2025

Hubs and I got into a verbal sparring last night: he's hyped about Pam Bondi's {phase 1} centered around the release of the Jeffrey Epstein DOJ files.

I'm tired of hearing about it - we all KNOW what is in the files; we KNOW unscrupulous politicians, entertainers, royal buffoons … and stupid girls trusting smooth talkers, are at the center of them.

I AM NOT INTERESTED.

I do not engage in losing skirmishes.

Hubs didn't like hearing me say that.

I don't care. To my way of thinking 16, 17, and 18 year old girls are not "children" (I was married to my 1st Husband at 17 - I did not consider myself a child). A 16 year old can get a driver's license - these things are not given to "children". An 18 year old can join the military and vote - these things are not afforded to a "child".

He sputtered and demanded, "what about the 12 year olds?"

My reply was, "That's sad. And life is hard. But, what happened, happened - it can't be undone. Rehashing it, won't change things. Human trafficking and rape has been going on since the dawn of time - and it will continue long after these files are "shared with the public". Sooner or later, these girls will have to grow up and stop being victimized by their captors, themselves, or the public. What happened, happened. It can't be undone. It is time to stop titillating the public, and move on. Epstein is dead. The politicians, royals, entertainers, and traffickers are not going to be seriously penalized - and Hell is waiting for them. The girls are no longer "children" - they need to grow up and move forward to rebuild lives they can be proud of."

He just looked at me like I was unfeeling. Like he didn't think I could comprehend why he was hung up on the Epstein files.

So, I added, "I have my own battles to weather, Holland - I really don't want, or need, to be tripping over someone else's. In case you have forgotten … I was a 6 year victim of incestual rape - and my trauma started when I was 6 years old. Not 12. Not 16. Not 18. Six years old. For six years. By someone I could not escape. I really do not care about the Epstein files people are hung up on … I have my own issues to deal with. I've fought my own demons and won my own self-esteem battles. What happened to me was awful - but, rape is not the worse thing that can happen to a female. Demoralization is worse. Death without salvation's saving grace is worse. Constantly reliving a horrible ordeal over and over again, because people are fixated on your shame and shamelessly titillated by your experiences, is worse. So, no, I really do not care about the release of the Epstein Files. I have my own stuff going on, with my own Life. All this {release} will do is create more gossipy hype among bored people with boring lives. Nothing will seriously change: human trafficking will continue; and girls will still be treated like chattel. I don't spin my wheels dealing with things that will never change: I work on changing what I can change in my immediate sphere - and what I can change, right now in this moment, is how I deal with things that are out of my control …  I don't get stuck in a victim mentality. I do not want to hear any more about it. There are more important things  -and truly worse things - going on in the world."

SEPTEMBER THRU THE YEARS; Castle Rock-WA

September has always been a  pivotal month in my evolving Life.

I fell in love the first time in September 1966.

I began my first newlywed life in September of 1975.

Life took root in me, in September of 1975.

I learned the hard part of love is letting go, in September of 2018.

I relived widow memories every September from 2018 to 2022.

September 2021 was the year Holland & I became friends.

A simple hello …

Thunder - 'Love Walked In' song: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G67vruUka6w)

By September of 2022, Holland was openly flirting; he had been waiting decades for me to show up in his life … Elohim was emboldening him,  and he was making his big move ;-)

When September of 2023 rolled around, Holland & I were newlyweds living a road gypsy life, traveling from coast to coast … and enjoying beautiful desert sunrises & sunsets.

Desert Sunrise; Pumpernickel Valley-NV

Betsy (4x Pickup) & Independence (5th Wheel RV); Moab-UT

There are no words to describe the beauty of an Arizona sunset.

My heart took a serious beating the September of 2018; and Elohim - in His infinite wisdom, placed Holland in my Life in 2021: directly in my footpath. My limping heart was kick-started and life once again, caught spark … and Life has been rolling along at full throttle, ever since ;-)

We are currently in Castle Rock-WA, busily shifting our things from storage (where they've were kept for 3 months while repairs were made) back into Independence (we have her back, and we are getting road-ready).

It's good to have our home back - and to have our things around us, again: coffee & coffee maker; clothes; books; cooking pans & utensils; our bed instead of the lumpy motel bed … ect.

When I put my head on the pillow the first night we got her back, my body sighed a happy simple hello ;-)

MAKEUP! Thank You, Lord ;-) I've been missing color in my life …

The other day we saw honey for sale along an I-5 roadside … so, we pulled over and bought some; we both like honey.

We had intended to only buy 1 quart, but everything on display sounded so yummy - and the fella was friendly; so we bought five different flavors.

A simple hello :-)

5 jars of organic honey.

This afternoon, I was excited to see more treasures being hauled home - and I smiled a simple hello as I put them in Betsy's cab, with me.

YES! Bible Study Tools coming home with me, today ;-)

And Holland treated me to a mexican meal that we brought home to enjoy - he loves his mexican foods ;-)

Rice Milk; I haven't had this in decades - Yummy!

Taco Salads & Beef Nachos ;-)

After Supper, I unpacked more boxes and stashed things in their places. I think one more storage haul should be the end of unpacking.

Then, I got back to work on the tiny preemie sacque gown I am knitting up - I'm glad to have my needles, hooks, pattern books, and totes of yarn in-house again …

And I am thankful that my hands are still capable of using small size needles to whip up these tiny garments for the brave hearts saying a simple hello for their first meeting outside mama's womb :-)

Preemie Sleep Sack; 1/3 done …