DOMESTICITY IS A WILD ADVENTURE

Friday, June 6th: Domesticity may be a quiet & calm thing when you're flying solo lobo - but, when you hitch your wagon to someone else's wagon, the result is not always a smooth, or agreeable teamwork undertaking 🥰😘👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🤝 … it more often resembles a wild adventure through unfamiliar territory, featuring stubborn mulishness and wild broncos 😳🤔😬😟😡🖕💔🤦🏻‍♀️🙏

I was up at 7:30 A.M., this morning.

I needed to go grocery shopping today: the closest place to accomplish that without a royal fleecing, was Warrenton-OR.

I would need to cross the Astoria-Megler Bridge; I've never done that on my own, in Beast Betsy. Betsy is big & wide. She is a turbo powered machine. I can drive the Beast, and I do dive her - but I do not like that bridge: I was not liking the prospect of driving her over that bridge by myself with the very real possibility of manhandling her through strong, gusting, winds blowing on off the ocean & slamming against her broadside. My first husband, Bob, in his 53 years of driving had driven across that bridge many, many times … and one time that I know of, in a semi blown sideways across both lanes.

No, I was not looking forward to that possibility. On good days, I do not like facing the prospect of driving across that bridge 😕

Holland offered to do the driving.

I agreed … provided we agreed to a truce until after the shopping was completed (peaceful vibes forever, would be a wonderful blessing). It would be a long day spent in 3 different stores - and a long evening putting things away when we got back: I did not want to fight about anything, at any time.

He agreed, pointing to the Bible he pulled from hiding last night, saying he was reading it (he was letting me know that he'd heard me a few weeks ago saying a Bible needed to be read & understood; not just put on display, or verses parroted) - and saying it was his mother's Bible.

Plus, neither of us are liking the way the Trump White House is leaning; paula white in the White House is not a good thing. Honing up on what Scripture has to say about this period of time,  is wise.

Apparently, Holland & I had the same petition 🙏 and hope ✝️🩹💕💯, while we navigate this wilderness period:

Don Williams - 'Lord, I hope this day is good' lyrics: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vou1a_br3yA)

Don Williams - 'I Would Like to See You Again' lyrics: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjS68CSKk8s)

Don Williams - 'My Heart To You' song: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCGrWz4Fn4M)

The day really did go smoothly; thank You, Lord 👌✌️🕊️

Warrenton-OR from Ocean Park-WA; 44 min (32.1 mi) via US-101 N and Sandridge Rd

Crossing the Astoria-Megler Bridge - on our way to Warrenton-OR

The lighter, deeper water in the distance, is 'the bar'; where the Columbia River meets the Pacific Ocean.

From top of bridge - Astoria in forefront; bridge to Warrenton in distance.

Bridge to Warrenton-OR

Tide going out … entering Warrenton-OR, around 12.30'noon.

Shopping today was pleasant teamwork; no stress, at all.

Tide was still going out around 3.30 PM, on our way home - we were between tides coming & going, crossing Astoria-Megler Bridge: 5 hrs. for tide to go out/1 hr. slack tide = no current; water standing still/5 hrs. incoming tide.

First off once we reached Warrenton, was a quick stop at the Goodwill store, there. I found the Pyrex casserole dishes & pie pan I was wanting - I had all these, but Holland thought they'd add too much weight to Independence's weight allowance, so they went by the wayside. Now, he is understanding that foil pans are not the best way to go (spendy with the constant replacement, and very flimsy in general), and didn't kick up a fuss when I placed those new purchases in Betsy's back seat area.

Then, it was over to the Wal*Mart Superstore for groceries. I also gave into a $5 frivolity again, and bought a trailing perennial ivy plant; I like greenery in my home … and now that we have pulled Independence off the For Sale market (we're looking into another way to finance the slide-in camper we are hoping for); I want our home on wheels to look & feel like a cozy home - I believe the greenery will help sooth the senses and give off a comforting ambiance. Surprisingly, I did not get the slightest hint of an argument when I slipped the Heartleaf Philodendron snippet next to my purse in the shopping cart.

Back home - I put the groceries away, got Supper underway & served, put the ivy where it's trailing tendrils will not impede our closed quarters living space, & visited a few Blogs I frequent. Holland surfed FB & YouTube.

My latest frivolity, bought in Warrenton-OR's Wal*Mart; placed atop the kitchen slide out - it's the perfect spot for it. 😊 I had thought to place it atop the cabinet above the coffee pot, but Holland was afraid I'd climb my little ladder, stand on my tiptoes to lift it up and down for maintenance, and end up taking a tumble when he was gone, sometime …

My 2022 Rosburg-WA Fellowship 'freebie'; thriving happily and sending out more freebie baby 'spiders'. This plant is a good air purifier.

My Parker-AZ Wal*Mart 2024 Holiday indulgence; this pot of color will sprawl, and will need to be kept pinched back to keep it manageable & tidy in our compact livingroom.

The nice Warrenton-OR Goodwill casserole dish find, was quickly commandeered by Holland, for a fruit cache to keep his smoothie ingredients corralled 😉

I tried a new coffee … but I don't think I'll buy it, again. It gets bitter as it cools.

I posted a recipe to a couple Blog Hops … and noticed that my chicken recipe was featured on 'Full Plate Thursday's' Blog Hop 👍

Domesticity is a wild adventure; but it doesn't have to be a trial.

Today was a good Day.

We both know we aren't going anywhere - and we agree to make our marriage work; and if that means [space] - then that's what will happen (right now, I'm taking some 'space').

That will take some hard work; admittedly we are in a wilderness period … but regardless of the proverbial devil winds stirring up the proverbial dust … we'll be here, for each other, in the morning 💕

Don Williams - 'I’ll Be Here In The Morning' lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XyiBMdb42U)

TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON; Ocean Park-WA

It's a complicated thing, this marriage of ours 🤔🩹🦋🕊️ - living with TBI, PTSD, and Holland's inability to cut dysfunctional & unhealthy connections 👺😈👹✂️

These dysfunctional & unhealthy intrusions are what is coming between US.

And I'm not an angel, either: I have my own issues I'm working through. When the heat is on, I match his angry outbursts 🤬 - in that, we are both at fault 😟🤠😤🤦🏻‍♀️

Love is not always easy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨😔

Relationships are not always smooth 💞💔

But where hope lives 🙏, love can thrive 💕; when giving up is not an option ✝️, we keep remembering the good times ✅ & searching for the best in each other 🤝 It's still there. And that's why we hang on.

Our marriage is young - just 29 months; we are still learning about each other & adjustments are still being made.

It's a complicated thing, this marriage of ours; as we navigate the Butterfly Process of "becoming".

BILLY JOEL - 'She's Got A Way' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAxWxTpGdyQ)

Holland & Me; Longview-WA~February 4, 2023

Billy Joel - 'Uptown Girl' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEIcTstEmnQ)

Holland & Me; Kingman-AZ~March 22, 2025

Holland & Me; Longview-WA~March 1, 2023

Billy Joel - 'For The Longest Time' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR6IR3JPszU)

Billy Joel - 'And So It Goes' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJJFuEBLJ4w)

Billy Joel - 'The Stranger' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nauK8O43jx8)

We love each other, & are good for each other 98% of the time; Layton-CA~February 2, 2024

Billy Joel - 'Got to Begin Again' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5VgzSGo2ks)

Billy Joel - 'Turn the Lights Back On' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMK9SwG_Va4)

Billy Joel - 'A Matter Of Trust' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLQCkKLWW4g)

Billy Joel - 'Honesty' Lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjyqcQRU0vY)

LOVE MAKE EVERYTHING BEARABLE: Ocean Park-WA

Once bound by friendship and love, the unity of this  marriage is crumbling under continual betrayals (emotional betrayals only), and divergent values (the gap keeps getting wider).

No matter how much I hear, "I love you, Baby" … he always seems to set us backwards, instead of forwards in this weird marriage.

And it doesn't matter which State we are in.

The current craziness just happens to be in WA State, this time. It's nothing new, but it is going on longer:

April 24, 2025: BACK AT THE ROOMMATE STAGE: Ocean Park-WA: https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/04/back-at-roommate-stage-ocean-park-wa.html

Even so, it doesn't distract, or take away, from the achievements Holland has made - and will make. I know I sound contradictory, but I'm not. This relationship is very complex.

If we could just use our valuable time together to work towards an agreeable solution, instead of haggling over his [rights] and mulish obsession to be [right], these heated arguments would not happen so frequently.

So, for the time being, while taking some space to step away from the bullish overload chaos - I'm engaging in self-care activities, listening to music, meditating on Elohim's faithful goodness & Yeshua's calming presence, and exercising; on a personal level, I'm hitting all the [happiness chemicals] boxes, this morning. And I intend to keep it up as time passes. Sitting around moping, under my husband's thumb, is not on my agenda. I am not like the other beaten down redmill wives.

Practicing quietness, and working steadily on completing this current WIP project.

I'm an advocate for executional excellence - because in the end, if you burn your calories trying to change someone you know is not going to change, instead of putting your focus on the output he can provide … then you are in the process of being dominated and manipulated by their opposing behaviors and bullish attitude. It's just a waste of time. Let's burn our calories moving the needle forward; I'm not going to get caught up in aimless twaddle that leads to hamster wheel treading.

Instead, I'm going to be treading on my stepper - and burning calories with toning workouts:

Back at it again, this morning.

Heart rate 147 - a bit high, but not too concerning.

Allina Exercise Guide for a Healthy Heart Info: 

(https://www.allinahealth.org/health-conditions-and-treatments/health-library/patient-education/helping-your-heart/healthy-living/exercise/measuring-how-your-heart-reacts-to-exercise)

Heart rate 117.

Through it all, love (divine love, spousal love, self-care love) makes everything bearable. It elbows the chaos out of my life.

I love You, Yeshua: You are MESSIAH & KING and you lavish my life with love – thank You for all You do for me; what You have done, what You are in the process of doing (though I do not yet see, or feel any of it), and for all You will do for me. Your presence in my Life make everything bearable.

HEART OF STONE; Ocean Park-WA

Not only is there the redmill religiosity to contend with, but there is also the fact that Holland's older brother Rick, smacked him extremely hard in the head with a baseball bat, causing a traumatic brain injury - which isn't noticeable until there is sensory overload.

And right now, there is sensory overload: Betsy has needs that need to be taken care of before any long distance drives take place; weather all over the USA is very weird, this year; both of us are dealing with allergies and lung inflammations - either jointly, or simultaneously (Holland has been out of house quite a bit though, but I've been stuck inside for weeks; not a good situation); Kelso & Woodland keep interfering, and those binky & burping intrusions stir up the proverbial hornet's nest … I could go on. A lot is happening, and he is being pulled in too many directions.

Add to that, the fact that I am feeling punk most of the time - WA State is not good to me - or for me, in any sense. I've been sick the entire time we've been back in WA; the last thing I want is to be constantly fighting about his family and friends! These people are all in their early to late 60's - they should have lives of their own to engage in, without constantly being in ours. My husband should be discussing the things that affect his life (which directly affect my life) … with me, not so much with them. My unhappiness is adding to his stressful overload.

The overload is taking it's toll on both of us.

And I'm really sick and tired of fighting about his unhealthy connections. I'm tired of always walking on eggshells in my own home. I'm tired of the verbal manipulations and the sneaky gaslighting.

In short, I'm just plain sick of the redmills in general. They are not nice people … and I'm finding it very hard to be nice when it concerns them.

Except for my husband - I want them all out of my Life.

If they stayed in their own lanes, I wouldn't mind - but they don't; they are in our personal business, and that is not okay with me.

Holland does not agree; hence the continual fighting.

Today, when he was stuck in an overload loop, shouting at me, I broke in and said, "we wouldn't even be here, arguing, if not for those 5 words you said to me - [this is a God thing]; if not for those words, I wouldn't even have considered dating or remarriage. But you echoed the very words I challenged Elohim with … it was confirmation that the time was right, and you were {the one}. I didn't know then, that you hid a heart of stone, and that you argue with Elohim, like you argue with me."

So, I'm taking a step back from all the craziness, and carving some time out for myself. To work on myself, for myself. Because I am, for all intents and purposes … by myself.

Elohim never removes things, or people, from your life without replacing it with something better.

I had, since moving with Bob to Cowlitz County (we bought and lived in several houses in Longview-WA), had a rock collection of heart-shaped rocks I would find along the riverbanks & among the riverbed rock laid at our last home before Bob's spirit went Home beyond the clouds. The rocks always seemed to pop up during turbulent times (fallout from stressful interaction with our grown children) when love was sorely needed, to be experienced. Bob's spirit left Earth the tail-end of 2018, and close friends were pressing me to consider dating; I was not interested. I remember doing dishes one evening, when my eyes went to the heart-shaped rock collection on the windowsill - and I wrote this Blog Post on {{June 4th, 2020: "I don’t know how my life will be blessed since Bob went Home beyond the clouds; I hope I recognize Elohim’s gift and accept it graciously. Nothing can ever replace Bob, but I know whatever Elohim has planned for my life will be a true blessing. Just like Bob was, for 44 years … Meanwhile, the love comes to me in stone heart findings."}}

A year later, I was still successfully avoiding the dating scene - and my friends were still pestering me about it. A new man in my life wasn't something I was actively seeking. In fact, with the following Blog Post notation, I kinda challenged Elohim … thinking that would put a lid on the entire matter: {{Sunday - May 16th, 2021: If Elohei prompts me to seek companionship in another marriage; I won’t argue the point – I never argue with Elohim; I may balk, and I may drag my feet … but I never argue. I’m not actively advertising, either. If, and that is a very big “if” things go that way, it will have to be a ‘God thing’ – divinely orchestrated; and will have to ‘rock my world’ just like Bob’s sudden presence in my life did in 1974 – and every second of every day for the 44 years he shared his life and love with me.}}

Elohim took me up on that challenge.

A year later, a divinely orchestrated meet did happen 😳😉, & my future husband's exact words to me during our brief dating period were - "this is a God thing, Baby." I did not share those words anywhere but on my Blog - Holland (to the best of my knowledge) has never read my Blog, then or now; remarriage did take place 😘; and  my world was rocked … sometimes in  good way , sometimes not so good.

Now, there are no heart-shaped rocks popping up during turbulent times, when love was sorely needed to be experienced … there are heart-shaped clouds in the sky above me; without fail, those clouds were always present as we traveled along on our Road Gypsy journeys, over the past 29 months.

When my earth husband was distant, my heavenly Husband was always reminding me that He is near, sees me, loves me, and comforts me: "For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is His Name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth." (Isaiah 54:5)

So, Holland can rail at me.

He can ignore me.

He can place others before me.

But Elohim will have His way concerning this thing between US.

I wait for the Day Elohim brings Holland to his knees, and replaces his hard heart with a heart that will become responsive, gentle, and open to serious change so we can really start to live a Life of purpose according to the Plan Elohim has for US: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26) & "I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them; and I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 11:19).

On another note - I try to get to the Ladies Bible Study in Rosburg when we are back in WA State - but so far, I have only been able to make one meet (May 15th); allergies and 4x maintenance appointments have so far kept me from making another meet. In the meantime, the arguing between us never ends: and it always centers around his Kelso family and Woodland friend. I really need those fellowship meets! It's my Self-care Day that I can just relax for a few hours, and get a break from the wordy barrage of nonsense.

Please Yeshua! Heal my poor body so I can get to Fellowship sometime soon. In the meantime, phone tag between a dear Friend and myself, is taking place while we are both laid low:

And I'm also spending time toning up while being housebound:

30 mins. to 1 hr. = stepper; 30 mins. = dumbbells.

I am not going to sit around and cry this year while waiting for the stone to crack …