DOMESTICITY IS A WILD ADVENTURE

Friday, June 6th: Domesticity may be a quiet & calm thing when you're flying solo lobo - but, when you hitch your wagon to someone else's wagon, the result is not always a smooth, or agreeable teamwork undertaking 🥰😘👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🤝 … it more often resembles a wild adventure through unfamiliar territory, featuring stubborn mulishness and wild broncos 😳🤔😬😟😡🖕💔🤦🏻‍♀️🙏

I was up at 7:30 A.M., this morning.

I needed to go grocery shopping today: the closest place to accomplish that without a royal fleecing, was Warrenton-OR.

I would need to cross the Astoria-Megler Bridge; I've never done that on my own, in Beast Betsy. Betsy is big & wide. She is a turbo powered machine. I can drive the Beast, and I do dive her - but I do not like that bridge: I was not liking the prospect of driving her over that bridge by myself with the very real possibility of manhandling her through strong, gusting, winds blowing on off the ocean & slamming against her broadside. My first husband, Bob, in his 53 years of driving had driven across that bridge many, many times … and one time that I know of, in a semi blown sideways across both lanes.

No, I was not looking forward to that possibility. On good days, I do not like facing the prospect of driving across that bridge 😕

Holland offered to do the driving.

I agreed … provided we agreed to a truce until after the shopping was completed (peaceful vibes forever, would be a wonderful blessing). It would be a long day spent in 3 different stores - and a long evening putting things away when we got back: I did not want to fight about anything, at any time.

He agreed, pointing to the Bible he pulled from hiding last night, saying he was reading it (he was letting me know that he'd heard me a few weeks ago saying a Bible needed to be read & understood; not just put on display, or verses parroted) - and saying it was his mother's Bible.

Plus, neither of us are liking the way the Trump White House is leaning; paula white in the White House is not a good thing. Honing up on what Scripture has to say about this period of time,  is wise.

Apparently, Holland & I had the same petition 🙏 and hope ✝️🩹💕💯, while we navigate this wilderness period:

Don Williams - 'Lord, I hope this day is good' lyrics: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vou1a_br3yA)

Don Williams - 'I Would Like to See You Again' lyrics: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjS68CSKk8s)

Don Williams - 'My Heart To You' song: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCGrWz4Fn4M)

The day really did go smoothly; thank You, Lord 👌✌️🕊️

Warrenton-OR from Ocean Park-WA; 44 min (32.1 mi) via US-101 N and Sandridge Rd

Crossing the Astoria-Megler Bridge - on our way to Warrenton-OR

The lighter, deeper water in the distance, is 'the bar'; where the Columbia River meets the Pacific Ocean.

From top of bridge - Astoria in forefront; bridge to Warrenton in distance.

Bridge to Warrenton-OR

Tide going out … entering Warrenton-OR, around 12.30'noon.

Shopping today was pleasant teamwork; no stress, at all.

Tide was still going out around 3.30 PM, on our way home - we were between tides coming & going, crossing Astoria-Megler Bridge: 5 hrs. for tide to go out/1 hr. slack tide = no current; water standing still/5 hrs. incoming tide.

First off once we reached Warrenton, was a quick stop at the Goodwill store, there. I found the Pyrex casserole dishes & pie pan I was wanting - I had all these, but Holland thought they'd add too much weight to Independence's weight allowance, so they went by the wayside. Now, he is understanding that foil pans are not the best way to go (spendy with the constant replacement, and very flimsy in general), and didn't kick up a fuss when I placed those new purchases in Betsy's back seat area.

Then, it was over to the Wal*Mart Superstore for groceries. I also gave into a $5 frivolity again, and bought a trailing perennial ivy plant; I like greenery in my home … and now that we have pulled Independence off the For Sale market (we're looking into another way to finance the slide-in camper we are hoping for); I want our home on wheels to look & feel like a cozy home - I believe the greenery will help sooth the senses and give off a comforting ambiance. Surprisingly, I did not get the slightest hint of an argument when I slipped the Heartleaf Philodendron snippet next to my purse in the shopping cart.

Back home - I put the groceries away, got Supper underway & served, put the ivy where it's trailing tendrils will not impede our closed quarters living space, & visited a few Blogs I frequent. Holland surfed FB & YouTube.

My latest frivolity, bought in Warrenton-OR's Wal*Mart; placed atop the kitchen slide out - it's the perfect spot for it. 😊 I had thought to place it atop the cabinet above the coffee pot, but Holland was afraid I'd climb my little ladder, stand on my tiptoes to lift it up and down for maintenance, and end up taking a tumble when he was gone, sometime …

My 2022 Rosburg-WA Fellowship 'freebie'; thriving happily and sending out more freebie baby 'spiders'. This plant is a good air purifier.

My Parker-AZ Wal*Mart 2024 Holiday indulgence; this pot of color will sprawl, and will need to be kept pinched back to keep it manageable & tidy in our compact livingroom.

The nice Warrenton-OR Goodwill casserole dish find, was quickly commandeered by Holland, for a fruit cache to keep his smoothie ingredients corralled 😉

I tried a new coffee … but I don't think I'll buy it, again. It gets bitter as it cools.

I posted a recipe to a couple Blog Hops … and noticed that my chicken recipe was featured on 'Full Plate Thursday's' Blog Hop 👍

Domesticity is a wild adventure; but it doesn't have to be a trial.

Today was a good Day.

We both know we aren't going anywhere - and we agree to make our marriage work; and if that means [space] - then that's what will happen (right now, I'm taking some 'space').

That will take some hard work; admittedly we are in a wilderness period … but regardless of the proverbial devil winds stirring up the proverbial dust … we'll be here, for each other, in the morning 💕

Don Williams - 'I’ll Be Here In The Morning' lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XyiBMdb42U)

HOPEFULLY HANGING BACK; Ocean Park-WA

Friday was a very bad day – the early morning hours started out rough, and by 10:30 a.m., chaos reigned supreme.

Saturday was calmer, but just as tilted.

All because of 1 out-of-control persona.

Wednesday was a good day.

Sandwich Date: https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/05/sandwich-date-seaview-wa.html

I didn't realize until a few days later that it was a typical redmill buttering-up day. You'd think that after 2-1/2 years of being married to this man, I'd know the drill.

But, I don't.

Thursday morning, Holland had an appointment scheduled for Betsy's transmission maintenance, in Longview - he left here while it  was still dark. I took the time while he was gone to deep clean Independence; from end to end. I got supper underway … allergies left my body alone, and allowed me enough mercy to feel rejuvenated enough to apply some makeup & slip into one of the blouses Graysriver Ramona gifted with 2 weeks ago.

Winding down from my busy morning activities, I was starting to work on my current knitting project; when I caught sight of Betsy pulling into our parking space; we were both surprised - me that he was home early … and him, that I was feeling well enough to be wearing something other than my p.j.'s:

Gifts from Linda - passed onto me, from Ramona; my favorite colors.

SELF-CARE FRIENDSHIP DAY; Rosburg-WA: 

(https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2025/05/self-care-friendship-day-rosburg-wa.html) 

Seeing me dressed and wearing some makeup, he asked and off-hand question that didn't make sense until yesterday - when he was talking to his cousin, in Colorado. Coming into the house Thursday afternoon, he asked, "Am I in trouble? Are you going somewhere?" I thought that question was kinda strange, but I laughed it off as him just being silly, seeing me in something other than p.j.'s (I have been laid low with allergies, sleeping most days away - when I am not coughing and sneezing).

However, while talking to his cousin - he let the cat out of the bag.

And that earlier strange question … suddenly made sense.

I played it cool, though I was fuming. I had specifically asked him not to visit the houses in Kelso because Mark's is always filled with a thick cloud of cigarette and marijuana smoke - and last time we were at Scott & Lana's together, it also was filled with cigarette smoke: and Lana was walking around with an oxygen tank oxygenizer stuck up her nose, with cigarette in hand.

I have asthmatic lungs.

Holland has COPD complications.

I can't visit these people when their houses are filled with cigarette smoke … and I specifically asked Holland not to, either. He already struggles to breathe; and I'd like to have him around for a while.

But Holland is going to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do  it, with whoever he feels he wants to do it with - and he doesn't want any flack about that.

So, when the call with his cousin ended, and feeling guilty about the phone convo slip; Holland started the ensuing fight with, "I have a right to visit my family. Where I go, and who I spend time with is none of your fucking business."

This happens every time he makes a trip to Kelso.

Rebellion thrives there. Drug use is encouraged. Suicidal behavior resides in the houses there. "Rights" are strongly enforced in the rebellious, tripped out, risky mindsets shared among the siblings - Holland, included.

What's the point of arguing with him anymore? Holland is going to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do  it, with whoever he feels he wants to do it with - and he doesn't care, or respect me enough to understand that his married life now is not just about him; his bachelor day wants, or bachelor day self-righteous rights, anymore.

So, I just shut the fight down with, "You're right. You do have a right to be wrong. That said … I also have a right, and I choose the right to allow you [your right]. You want to continue living a bachelor lifestyle? Fine with me. You want to continue acting like an overgrown brat? Fine with me. You want a Wife connection with me - while treating me like a whore … not fine with me. The line you keep shouting at me, [that it's none of my fucking business where you go, what you do, or who you do it with], is what men angrily tell their whores to shut down any connection to them at all besides the bedroom connection. N.o.t.o.k.a.y.w.i.t.h.m.e! So, I'm going to respectfully pull back from your hellfire blaze - I've already raised my kids and grandkids; I don't need an overgrown binky sucker shouting at me, stomping his feet, and stating his rights to behave as a rebellious, self-righteous brat. I want a full-grown man in my life, who understands what being a mature Husband means: none of your redmill males understand that simple logistic fact - and the redmill females are just as at fault, for accepting this bad behavior; I am not a redmill woman, and I do not accept the redmill bullshit. We specifically came back to WA from AZ because you were bitching about {clogged lungs} due to the sand storms: and now you have the unmitigated gall to stand there in self-righteous anger and complain about my "bitching", because I don't want you want to clog your struggling lungs up with cigarette smoke! I asked you not to go. You went anyway … and deliberately hid that phlegm-inducing incident from me, when you came back here; I wouldn't have known at all why you are gasping for breath, spitting up, or coughing uncontrollably … until you were talking with your cousin and mentioned the house visits. So, understanding now that you don't see this marriage as anything more than a strategic battlefield filled with landmines and underhanded ploys; I'm going to withdraw from an unwinnable situation, and let you enjoy your [rights], while I set into play a few rights of my own. It's my right to stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors rooted in rebellious rights. It's my right to want - and expect - peace in my golden years. I'm living on borrowed time; I don't have time … and I am not making time, to entertain your suicidal tendencies." Then, he hit me with a new punch-line, saying, "Well, you'll probably be dead in 5 years." That was a new low for him; but he had just spent time with his rotten, mean-spirited family, & I kinda expected it. Speaking unkind or wounding words = a "curse of words", is a redmill hallmark from both genders; it's the redmill [way]. So, I wrapped up the argument with, "That may be so. I may very well be dead in 5 years time (I'll be 74 yo, then) … could be sooner, given my faulty lungs & heart - as well as the fact that you just spoke a curse over my life, which is not a Christian thing to do if you are claiming to be a Christian; Elohim specifically forbids witchcraft - I don't give a shit what your family teaches: Elohim forbids curses, of any kind. But in the meantime, I am not going to be fighting with you anymore. About anything. You keep your "rights", curse anyone that gets in your way, and spend your nights alone; with your free-wheeling bachelor ideals, your Indian witchcraft/vineyard/redmill religion bullshit, & your suicidal family bonds. I don't want to do this anymore - you are all out of control; I need space from you for a while. I don't take this pompous self-righteous shit from anyone - not strangers, not my kids, or my grandkids; and I'm not going to take it from you."

His family is certifiable batty. He is not the man he put forward to me for the 18 months of our friendship before marriage; and he for sure is not the husband he promised me I'd be getting, if I wove my life with his. This marriage is so toxic. It doesn't matter where we are hunkered down - he always carries the redmill chaos with him that poisons anything good struggling to be born between our outreaching hearts. The redmill testosterone-driven-cultic-toxicity, overshadows everything concerning US.

Literally.

E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

Unless there is a miraculous and divine break with that devilry, this complex and exhausting marital situation is hopeless.

Which brought on the first tears of the entire torturous day.

It's always sad when it's apparent that bull-headedness rooted in poisoned rootstock, is determined to undermine a good thing. Simply for the self-righteous right to be wrong.

That my husband does not - or actually refuses - to understand that his lifestyle choices are a blatant red flag of disrespect; destroying the thinning fabric of our marriage; undermining the shaky thread of love still clinging to the tattered fabric; and staunchly stands by the testosterone-ridden-redmill right to be wrong (because to bend to my wishes means he is pussy-whipped) … is sad, and  heartbreaking.

So; my heart cried. For what was, what could have been - what is, and what will be.

And my spirit whispered, “Remember Job”.

That’s all it took to dry my tears up.

Job is my “go to” Book in the Bible because it’s SO FULL of HOPE and COMFORT for the soul-weary Christian caught in a battle they do not want.

Time is wrapping up – for me personally (5 years comes up on a person very quickly), and for the world in general: I don't believe in the power of curses over a Christian's Life, but I do believe that as a Christian, I need to make sure my heart is right; and that I am ready to meet Yeshua whenever the time comes to be called Home; and given the way things are unfolding in the world today … chances are I could be called Home at any given second. I'm ready. I've been ready since 1965, when I got saved & water baptized. I can't allow myself to be sidelined by the chaos continually whipped up by people in my immediate circle that are  bent on self-destruction & devilish behavior. I don't want to find myself benched in the end game because I got side-tracked - or kept stressed out with nonsense.

It is possible to have peace in the midst of the storm – I have experienced that peace several times in my lifetime when I keep my eyes on Yeshua and my mind on Elohei.

Even though I don’t know where this new path in my life will take me, I am not afraid of the unknown destination … or the continual chaotic frenzies: I went through many chaotic frenzies through the decades, and especially during months before Bob's physical death - and the turbulent months with the kid's sadistic behaviors towards me, following Bob's death; I will confidently weather the redmill frenzies too, because I know Elohim is always aware with a ready & timely response, Yeshua is always present, and the peace of the Ruach HaKo'desh comforts me.

Nothing Holland throws my way is anything new: I've already dealt with all of it, and came out of the sulfurous hellfire in one piece smelling like a rose. Being thrown to the wolves is nothing new, either … I came back stronger & leading the pack. Hellfire & wolves don't scare me.

But Holland's presence in my Life did - and does - surprise me. This entire situation surprises me because I don't take missteps, or engage in mishaps: I take every precaution to avoid serious pitfalls. So, finding myself mired in an ever expanding emotional sinkhole is pretty surprising. And confusing. And very complex.

There's no doubt that Elohim orchestrated this entire thing.

But, I'm at a complete loss as how to explain why.

Holland has had the proverbial {1 foot out the door} for much of this marriage; and it's very confusing, and presses on more than 1 of my nerves.

But I don't argue with Elohim.

I may argue with my husband, but I don't argue with Elohim.

For whatever reason Elohim tied our lives together, I will continue forward with my husband; being a domestic wife in the situation I have been thrust into. I will honor Elohim in this weird and strange marriage. I will honor my husband while struggling through a disjointed, and disconnected barren marriage - by doing this, I am also honoring Yeshua's teaching on marital unions … which will open many, many more ‘in the moment’ future doors: 1 for each new day I am granted to walk this Earth.

Hopefully, at some point, Holland will actually be enjoying a married-married Life with me, instead of trying to force a lopsided marriage with a solo lobo-bachelor mindset-outlook attached to it, on US.

My life with Bob’s love in it, opened many exciting doors for 44 years of my 68 years.

My life with Holland's love in it (when he relaxes enough to allow love to linger), also opened many exciting doors for brief periods of time during our short marriage period: we've only been married for 29 months. Holland had been a bachelor for 25 years before he hitched his wagon to mine. He has been a redmill for 62 years - the testosterones-ridden-redmill-drive to be right at all costs, is strong.

29 months compared to 44 years is not even comparative.

But, it can be good - IF Holland will distance himself from the chaotic redmill dysfunction, and allow it.

I don’t make time for nonsense.

I choose the right to enjoy happiness, peace, and love.

I want happiness in our Life together.

I want peace in our home.

Happy should not be a constant struggle.

Happiness can't be "found".

Happiness won't "just magically happen".

I don't know yet how I am going to go forward - but I know I will: I will, because there's no other choice.

My Blog will be my journaling sounding board - the Friends I've made over the 21 years of Blogging are a great source of comfort during trying times; they are outreaching, encouraging, helpful, supportive, humorous, and engaging … and I will never run into any of them on the local streets, and have to field questions of , "How are you doing?" while my face betrays what my mouth says. I will mean it when I say, "I'm doing okay" - but {okay} in any given complicated situation carries several different interpretations; the primary meaning, meaning I'm weathering the storm, but gray clouds are still present: my face will show the internal struggle.

The friends I have on FB, are friends I occasionally run into - so, I'm not tapping into my FB Page that much, right now: my friends there, understand. They understand because they know me. They have known me for most of my Life … and if I'm pulling back, it's because I am deliberately avoiding awkward situations.

Determination to make happiness a fixed part of life, is a choice.

I choose the right to enjoy happiness, peace, and love.

I want happiness in my Life.

I want peace in my immediate surroundings.

So, I am for the time being, hopefully hanging back; and allowing my husband the time it will require to grow into the man Elohim & I know him to be. I pray that will happen, before the 5 year deadline (no pun intended) Holland threw into this turbulent Life blender, arrives.

I don't know if I can be silent for 5 years … but I'm game to give it a gung ho effort.

Love grows where happiness and peace thrive.

LUCIFER TRIED; BUT ELOHIM WON THE SKIRMISH~Shabbat Eve 2024/Castle Rock-WA

It's Friday, my Island of Rest - and right on cue, Holland started in on me :-(

The augment this morning was about Sturgis; I was unpacking a wardrobe box, when I pulled out his leather jacket … he immediately went into a spiel about how he got it from a guy, "a christian guy" who was at Sturgis". Now, he knows these are fighting words (to mix christianity with the worldly bullshit that goes on at Sturgis gatherings); but he kept flapping his yap, treating me like I'm a stupid woman who doesn't understand anything at all about Sturgis. His words snapped at me before he left this morning was, "It's not what you think: people go there to buy or trade motorcycles - there is no nudity, there."

Surely he jests … and I was not born yesterday.

I was sensing a LOT of bill clinton attitude in his remark.

Sturgis is a hedonistic gathering, under the guise of "motorcycle dealership": while it is true that it is a motorcycle gathering … with that comes the wild drinking, prostitution, and drug dealing, that comes with motorcycle gangs that gather there to share their motorcycle "knowledge", their gang activity, their women - and to drink themselves stupid while making drug deals. THAT IS what Sturgis is ALL ABOUT.

Boobie Flasher at Sturgis; August 1983  - during the period Holland was there. Flashing a boob IS NUDITY.

1960's Boobie paint job at Sturgis; August 1983 - during the period Holland was there. Having nipples painted, is STILL NUDITY.

And Holland's uncles and cousins never took their wives with them on their week long Sturgis orgies: there is a reason for that. Men wanting to act like bachelor's at a week-long-kegger and drug infused orgy, do not want wives tagging along.

He treats me like I am a stupid Christian woman, who has been sheltered all my life, and don't know what I am talking about when I say:  "Christians and Sturgis do NOT mix - and Christians have no business going there: they can buy a motorcycle at reputable local motorcycle shops, IF that is their claim to being at Sturgis - which, I am sure is NOT the real reason they are there, at Sturgis. Witnessing for Christ? Are you serious? WHAT kind of witness do you suppose is shown when a married man claiming to be a christian drinks himself stupid and begins acting like a fool with naked 20-year old's (thinking Elohim is blind, when he's away from home), while his 40-year old wife sits at home with his children - possibly a daughter the same age as the one he's got his arm draped around at Sturgis? I can guarantee that the only witness he is showing is not one of righteous behavior; and no one is fooled - not even himself. He bites his wife's head off, back at home, because he is consumed with guilt for what he has done. And you are biting my head off now, because you know what I'm saying is truth."

1960's boobie paint jobs at Sturgis;  August 7, 2001

Booty Flashers at Sturgis;  August 7, 2001

Topless massage at Sturgis;  August 7, 2001 - NUDITY.

Stripper Bar Tenders at Sturgis;  August 09, 2021 - Ass flashing is STILL NUDITY.

Lesbianism

Boobie Flashers at Sturgis; August 10, 2001

Topless woman riding a mechanical bull at Sturgis; August 11, 2001 - activated NUDITY.

There is not a man alive that can withstand looking at boobs and booty when it's smack dab in the face; is he seriously trying to convince me that nudity was not present - and that the Redmill men, who consistently step out of line when it comes to the call of the flesh … "did not see, or look"???

Matthew 5:27-28: Yeshua said: [27] "You have heard that it was said, `You shall not commit adultery. ' [28] But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

The phrase "lust of the eyes" appears in the New Testament in 1 John 2:15-17, which reads … Yeshua said: "[15] Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for Elohim is not in them. [16] For everything in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - comes not from the Father but from the world. [17] The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of Elohim lives forever."

I have mentioned many times before over the years on my Blogs, on my FB Page, and to Holland, that my first husband and I had a biker friend that lived with us for 2 years. Dave had been in a serious motorcycle wreck in Idaho, where he had surgery to place a steel plate over the top of his skull, and surgery to repair his left tibia area so gangrene didn't set in: he needed someplace to heal, so we welcomed him into our home. He had ridden with the Hell's Angels, the Gypsy Jokers, ect.; he had spent summers at Sturgis gatherings (and Holland and his family members probably at some point, crossed paths with Dave). Dave had spent time in prisons, and had the tat's to prove it. While he lived with us, he became a fast friend; respecting our Faith, and our home environment. He became a lifelong friend to us, and I trusted him 100% with our children while they were growing up, and granddaughter too, when she came along. My first husband Bob, knew a few Gypsy Joker riders in the later 1960's and mid-1970's. My own background is filled with motorcycles - I rode them, and drove them, until our daughter came into the picture. I am not ignorant of motorcycles or motorcycling life. When Dave died in 2014, he died a Christian - he said the time he spent with us in our home living the Christian Lifestyle, changed his outlook and turned his life around - he had started attending a church in Longbeach-WA, when he moved there in the late 1980's. He never rode his Harley again to Sturgis.

Holland and his family members think Sturgis is mecca (he was at his brother's house yesterday - and this is August; I'm sure Sturgis was discussed), and they don't feel that a person claiming Christianity has to change their life around - that is why Holland scraps with me every chance he gets; the devil he entertains rises up in him and he can't help himself from nitpicking me about my Faith (100% sold-out Christianity: real Christianity, not the Redmill brand) - which leads to arguing; and I'm getting better at not raising to the bait. I know he's being mean-spirited, and I also know that Elohim is dealing with him about things he doesn't want to acknowledge, or change yet.

So, while he was gone, cooling his temper down … I put on some happy Shabbat music, and continue to wait on Elohim to bring forth His Plan for our Life together.

Joshua Aaron | Return of Hope concert: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt-rQLmINpM)

I saw an instrument in this video that I'd never seen before, so I researched it, and found that it is called a hurdy-gurdy … I remember Donovan, a 1960's musician singing about a hurdy-gurdy man :-)

Hurdy-Gurdy Stringed Instrument

The hurdy-gurdy is a stringed instrument that produces sound by a crank-turned, rosined wheel rubbing against the strings. The wheel functions much like a violin bow, and single notes played on the instrument sound similar to those of a violin.

Lucifer did try to drive a wedge between us this morning … but Elohim won the skirmish; and I am focusing on His blessings :-D

Our home has been alcohol and drug free 2-1/2 months: (((THANK YOU, YESHUA!)))

The heart-change will take longer, but I'm sure it will happen. I'm holding on, in Faith: (((THANK YOU, YESHUA!)))

L'Chiam Mishcopah!

[ mish-pookh-uh, -paw-khuh ] noun. an entire family network comprising relatives by blood and marriage; clan.