Tuesday, March 3rd: We have been waiting in a temporary parking space since we arrived here in Castle Rock, on the 1st; the hoop jumping is ridiculous. We are tired from the long drive & just want to get our home set up and settled, so we can relax and unwind - we've stayed here before; all the background information should already be on file. But everything is outsourced now, and no one is talking to each other: we've talked to 4 different women, with four different accents, in 4 different locations. We both are losing patience: with them & with each other.
Tired.
Annoyed by nonsensical nonsense.
Triggered by memories best left dormant.
Different wants for different needs = the dovetailing is getting warped: we're at a crossroads.
Things got a little sketchy & stress overload did happen, but it all eventually worked out.
I'm trying … to put distance between PTSD triggers (mine, his = ours); but he keeps dragging us back here. Where e.v.e.r.y.s.i.n.g.l.e. trigger was forged & tripped - landmines are everywhere, here.
And, I will try valiantly, for my husband's sake, to try to enjoy our time here; being "as good as gold".
In all honesty, the triggers associated with WA are not happening so much; but they aren't entirely dormant, either. While it is true that WA broke both our hearts & spectacularly torpedoed our lives, at different times through the years … it is also true that Elohim blessed us with fresh love & a new life outlook, here; so, it stands to reason that Yeshua will also work a healing for our hearts, here - how that will happen is yet a mystery: but … speaking strictly for myself here: every [out of the ashes] change & every new, fresh start, happened in this county: the good, more potent & more important, than the bad.
Alan Jackson - 'Standing On The Promises Of God' w-Lyrics: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiUeQNToJjI&list=RDPiUeQNToJjI&start_radio=1)
I'm going to purposefully redirect my thoughts to that happy occurrence … and find an active purpose, while we are here = and focus on that.
By and large, Holland & I have a good life & we're building a future. We have like-minded goals - but, we are not in agreement on how to facilitate those goals. So, we are taking time & making the time to sit for a bit and listen to that [still, small voice] that will bring our goals in line with Elohim's Plans. His Will is supreme, and makes our life easier when our wills are balanced with His.
By mutual agreement, we are taking a week to simply relax: we didn't reach out to anyone - we really didn't stray too far from Independence, unless absolutely necessary.
Wednesday, March 4th: We drove to Rainier, to collect our mail - a necessity because the collection had been held months for us; in a little bin, while we were in CA. Most of it was junk mail … but I was glad to see the seed magazine:
I already have 2 items ear-marked; Holland has been forewarned ;-)
And when we returned, we were told we have a secured parking space, here, until December. So, we hooked Independence to Betsy and moved across the street … the space comes with a ' back yard' 😁 that even has a cute little blue bird house tacked to one of the big fir trees: totally unexpected - but perfect for our needs. It is good to be the daughter of the Most High God 🥰
Independence & Beast Betsy
A little bit of heavenly favor 👏
I don’t need a life that looks impressive. I just want one that feels peaceful when I wake up in the morning; and content when I lay down at night.
Thursday, March 5th: we agreed by mutual consent to move through the Day lazily - what needed done would happen at a sloth's pace.
Coffee drank slowly & savored; mail was sorted - junk mail was trashed & bills were paid; then showers & back to bed for another lazy-day-snooze session, while soft and gentle rain fell lazily from the gray WA skies.
Later, I did a couple gentle stretches before vacating the warm bed:
The safety of performing the Bodyweight Fish Pose for a 69-year-old woman depends on her individual health conditions and fitness level. It is generally recommended to avoid this pose if she has any neck problems, recent abdominal surgery or injury, or shoulder injuries.
Bodyweight Fish Pose~8-10 reps x2
The Bodyweight Lying Hip-Leg Raise is generally considered safe for a 69-year-old woman as long as she follows proper form and is comfortable with the exercise. It is a low-impact exercise that engages your core and glutes as you lift your hips; which are essential for balance and mobility. Listen to your body and stop if you feel sharp or excessive pain.
Bodyweight Lying Hip-Leg Raise~6 to 10 reps x2
The Bodyweight Lying Scalene Muscles Activation is generally considered safe for a 69-year-old woman, provided she follows the proper form cues and is mindful of her body's response. If you experience any sharp pain, dizziness, headache symptoms, tingling/numbness, or pain radiating into the shoulder/arm, stop.
VIDEO EXAMPLE: Bodyweight Lying Scalene Muscles Activation~6-12 reps x2
(https://workoutguru.fit/exercises/lying-scalene-muscles-activation-female-video-exercise-guide-tips-675312/)
The Bodyweight Lying Scissors Cross is generally considered safe for a 69-year-old woman: incorporating the Bodyweight Lying Scissors Cross into a regular workout routine can help improve core strength, balance, and overall fitness … provided she maintains proper form and technique. It is a bodyweight exercise that primarily targets the lower abs and hip flexors, which are essential for core strength and stability.
Bodyweight Lying Scissors Cross~10-15 reps x2
Supper, when we were back up and slowly passing time to allow our entire being to decompress and recalibrate; was a quick 4Patriot's Fettuccine Alfredo with thawed broccoli & turkey bits thrown into the mix, for flavor.
Rain quietly falling & muted freeway traffic was strangely soothing - and we both claimed the rest of the evening to self-care in separate ways; while remaining in the same space, occasionally looking at each other and smiling like contented Cheshire cats.
Friday, March 6th: I woke up this morning, hurting from my hips to my feet - even my ankle bones ached (something new in regards to bone aching): the consistent wet & chilled weather of WA State is not kind to my aging body. I also woke up with the echo "redeem the time" running through my thoughts.
And that thought pricking, had me looking through old blog posts to find the post on redeeming time: I wanted to review it and refresh what was revealed at that time - what has occurred in my life since then - what still needs attention & how I can move forward in the now with what was revealed to me, then.
My February 19, 2022 Post -
SHABBAT REFLECTION ~ Redeeming the Time: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/02/shabbat-reflection-redeeming-time.html
What I was focused on at that time, was the need to rebury the old me that had been dormant for 35 years - and brought back to the forefront following Bob's heavenly graduation, to deal with all the death fallout that required anger to wade through, and come out strong: brute strength was required for survival. My emotional well-being, my physical health, and my spiritual security required the righteous anger needed to push through to the other side of a very hard grief cycle to get through. By February 2022, I knew Elohim was dealing with me, to ditch that life-sustaining anger once and for all; I knew Yeshua was working a healing in my life. on every level. Stepping out in that healing would be a little wobbly; but I knew I was finally strong enough to do it. And by the grace of Elohim, the healing of Yeshua, and the empowerment of the Ruach HaKo'desh … I felt a hopeful reawakening of the capable, holy warrior (prayer warrior) women I was, before Bob's physical death.
Anger was kept active through 30 months of this marriage, due to triggers we both could deal with individually - but were hard to live with and work through as a couple. We both acknowledge now, that working on our issues separately, is working: the flames do not spark so readily anymore, and we can talk things out calmer with a readiness to hear & listen, rather than get spicily defensive. Thank the Lord.
Put off anger and clothe yourself with the fruit of the Spirit - love, kindness, patience, gentleness, and self-control - so that you may live in peace and righteousness: Ephesians 4:26–27: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”
Colossians 3:12: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
Galatians 5:22–23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
Ephesians 6:17: “And take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” - the sword of the Spirit is a call to actively use God’s Word in spiritual warfare, trusting it to cut through lies, sin, and demonic influence.
Yeshua is looking out for me and He is gently prodding me with His Shepherd’s staff to get out of life’s weeds, back on track, and stay on the straight and narrow path that leads to Life.
Keith Green - 'The Lord is my Shepherd' Lyrics:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yU1Ud1RFyJQ&list=RDyU1Ud1RFyJQ&start_radio=1)
The dawning of 2026 put the Newlywed years behind us, and we managed to come through the fire in one piece - admittedly a little scorched; but determined to lean in together, to forge ahead.
Seeking Elohim's face for direction; as we settle into married life & build a home that will withstand the hurricane strength storms that will no doubt be coming down the pike at some point. The devil doesn't rest - and at times, it seems Lucifer has made Cowlitz County his earthly habitation.
But, I am trusting that Elohim's glory cloud will shelter us while we are here. And hopefully, if & when we pull stakes and move on, we will know what our purpose is & where we are going - knowing we are in the perfect Will of Almighty God. We will be able to breathe easy. Holland will be able to move with flexible movement. A space will be waiting for us in the perfect location, where dust devils do not flirt with the warming sunshine. We will live in relative comfort, enjoying a quality of life that has the stain of Yeshua's healing blood all over it. Amen!
I have felt for some time that I would be visiting various fellowships across America; encouraging & being encouraged, meeting with Christians who are seeking & others, who are living a deeper walk with Yeshua as time on Earth, wraps up. I know that is what is meant for me. I also know that I, personally, have an assignment from on high - entrusted to me specifically, that no one else but me, can do: and Elohim doesn’t want that job hindered. He expects me to get busy getting busy with the job He has for me to do - and as Holland also figures into that plan … he is also expecting my husband to get on board with The Plan. If we seek his perfect Will & if we stay in His Will, He will make a way that will not be so fraught with hardship.
For the time being, we are here; my husband is as happy as a clam at high tide … and I am seeking Elohim on direction of my life: redeeming the time, if you will. I need a defined purpose, & I know Elohim has one for me - and Holland figures into that purpose; how, I do not know, as his main focus is spending time in smoke-filled redmill kitchens for hours on end. That is not my focus. With asthma, I cannot go to these homes with him; and he should not be going either, with his COPD complications. But … he will do what he will do; and I will do what I must do. We will probably be at loggerheads about this issue the entire time we are here. And I will keep reminding myself to be "as good as gold". If there is a purpose here for me, Elohim will direct me to it.
There is pain associated with WA; for both of us - specifically this particular region of WA State. We both deal with our triggered pain moments, differently: Holland either ignores it, rides through it, or talks obsessively about all of it until his brain & heart winds down to a balanced beat.
This works both ways … we are learning & moving forward, together.
Pastor Charles Jenkins~2015 'This Means WAR' song : (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys60ci75lXw)
This works both ways as we step up & step in to support-buoy each other.
When my memories are triggered and I'm once again riding the crest of intruding pain - I'm literally in that moment again, reliving it, in all it's feels: confusion, frustration, anger, tears - it all washes over me; it all can happen in one Day - or be spaced out over weeks, and months, coming in sneaker waves. I do not like to be back in WA State: I tend to procrastinate doing things that have pain attached to them. I am a wuss when it comes to pain; physical or emotional.
CPTSD~This works both ways … we are learning & moving forward, together.
Our space here in Castle Rock, is a true blessing: we have elbow room from neighbors (we don't feel exposed to curious eyes); I can open all the window blinds & watch the busy traffic out the dining room window - I've always, in every home I've shared with a husband … had open windows: valances, but clear glass for a less constrained feel, in-home; the small lot seclusion is kinda quiet, all things considered - it's a peaceful-vibes setting, and we both like that: it's perfect for this healing time that both of our spirits need, as we work on ourselves to be better versions of ourselves for each other.
So, while we are here … however long that may be; I'm just going to be going with the flow & letting happen what will happen.
Elohim knows the journey we, as individuals need to take to get us through this life and into the next.
Our story - from beginning to end - has already been written: before we even started turning the pages.
These are my thoughts, this wet & windy PNW Shabbat Eve.
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