TO THE SPOUSE WHO SHOWS UP

 As a society we pay great homage to motherhood - and we should.

But we tend to forget that motherhood springs … by and large … from a spousal relationship.

Spouses need to be recognized too, for all they do.

So, this morning I was reading a Page - and decided to tweak the Original Post to pay long-overdue homage to spouses ;-)

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To the Spouse who shows up: we show up; we put ourselves out there.

We do our best to make unity our goal, and attempt to keep our heads above the water we tread … thinking this year we’ll stay happy throughout the process; and when Life intrudes and shit hits the proverbial fan spraying a stinking mess everywhere, we lose it just a bit and realize togetherness is more important than 7/24/365 touchy-feely unattainable happiness. No one is happy every second of every day-every week-every month-all year long. We stop setting ourselves up for failure and learn to breathe in the moment.

We do housework and lawn work knowing that these things are futile efforts; in an hour the house will resemble a hurricane aftermath again, folded clothing will become laundry bin messes again, and wind-swept debris will litter the mowed lawn and manicured flowerbeds, again.

We struggle mightily to stop arguing and fighting over the silliest habits and mindsets our other half has, that drive us crazy.

To the husband fighting chronic shoulder pain, but reaches out and draws his wife close to his side to make sure she knows he includes her in his life: thank you for that small moment that means a great deal. To the wife who patiently gives an ear to car and gun talk that goes right over her head: thank you for taking the time to make time for meaningless convo that means so much to him. To the spouses that reach out and comfort in the dead of night … whether to warmly chase off a bad dream, or warmly cover feet and shoulders of a slumbering mate: thank you for the love you selflessly give.

Chances are there are so many ways we share our love for each other every day that largely goes unnoticed.

Chances are there are spouses everywhere that could write their own List of all these simple things that got lost in the fabric of a busy day - that they do everyday for the one they love. And we do it without looking for gold stars or pats on the back, for any of it. Chances are most acts of love simply fades into the timeline of our Life: we don't give it a second thought, and sometimes the one we shower with affection hasn't even given it a first thought. We just do it; and they accept it.

Chances are you are probably sitting in your home thinking that you haven’t done enough. Or you’re worrying that you shouldn't have done that. Or you’re kicking yourself for responding too short because you're tired at the end of a long day. Or you’re just feeling overwhelmed. Or stuck. Or like you’re failing.

But, chances are that you, just like me - have done some pretty profound spousal things.

Ordinary things.

And sometimes those ordinary things take so much work. They take us counting to ten one hundred times. They take us trying to not get super frustrated over things that just feel like a waste of time, and we just want them to be d.o.n.e.

Chances are you, too, have a whole lot of ordinary things that add up to Life Things that you could share.

If only you wouldn’t dismiss them. If only you wouldn’t attach “just” to them. If only you wouldn’t think that it’s no big deal. If only you would let the tears fall when they need to. If only you would start to see again just how beautiful and extraordinary and wonderful a person that you are.

In the midst of so often the most messy and un-beautiful life there can be.

Because Life … Life has a tendency to throw us curve balls.

It can suck the wind from us and make us weep at night. It can makes us feel like we’ll never measure up. It just can hide us from seeing how powerful and brave it is when we do those simple things.

Like being present.

Like comfort in the dead of the night, just because.

Like "I love you" posted to your mate's FB Page. Sitting in a fast-food pick up line to ease your mate's life when Life presses in. Making a favorite dinner. Laughing when they laugh; sharing the pain when they cry. Going to bed exhausted. Waking tired. Loving when we don’t even know how.

We’re all flawed. I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect; and Life in general isn’t perfect.

But we’re all trying. Giving. Loving.

So tonight, today or whenever you’re reading this – you deserve to seen.

To be recognized.

As an extraordinary person.

A lifelong Friend; an intimate Friend who understands US better than anyone else ever could.

A Spouse that shows up.

Day after day. Night after night. Good day after good day. Hard day after hard day. Ordinary day, normal day, just a day. Loving your mate.

That, my Friend, is what matters.

So before you close this browser and move on with your life … I want you to take a breath; to look at the hands in front of you. And when you see them, to be blessed with wonder for all that you do with them. Those hands love. They comfort with touch. They give without expecting a handshake. They tenderly wipe away tears. They compose love notes. They type responses. They gently enfold your mate's hands in them. Your hands communicate love.

Thank you for showing up.