Hi 👋 We're Val & Holland Redmill … living our Life Story as silver-haired Road Gypsies in our 5th wheel RV Home~40 months married & 60,000 miles traveled across America; covered in grace every Day & trying mightily not to lose our sanctification during the bad & ugly times. I post everywhere - about everything: and if what I post can help someone else, I'm glad for the experience. But from sunrise to sunset, we live our Life for US. Trusting Elohim every step of the way.
GOD KNEW I NEEDED YOU
Showing posts with label Christian living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christian living. Show all posts
Holland wants to have his friend Tim, in Kelso work on Beast Betsy - and he wants to rent me a car, so I can go visit my friends: it's a nice thought to assuage his guilt … but, I can't go visit my friends. They will ask me how I am doing: and I will be ashamed to tell them that my life is in shreds being bound to a godless man, who tricked me with catfishing tactics; so that I am now stuck with a man that does not honor Elohim and does not honor me. I am ashamed & I do not want to break down crying in front of them.Homes are sanctuaries - I do not want to bring troubling vibes to their homes just because they love & miss me, I love & miss them, and I want to escape for a few hours the troubling vibes in my own home.
Yeshua is the only friend I can truly turn to & talk with, now.
Emotionally, I am right back where I was 6 years ago.
I never could understand how women ended up with men who treated them shabbily. I also thought they were pretty stupid women. But, now I know they may not be as stupid, or a needy, as assumed(I certainly do not consider myself a stupid woman, & neither am I desperate for a man in my Life) … and I am learning that untying the ties that bind, is not as simple as some think: me, included.
Holland thinks it's simple. His family - both sides of the tree; have untied marital ties more often than they untie thier shoe lace knots.
His friends also marry and divorce as easily as cutting through soft butter,
None of them are Christians. Bad company corrupts morals, & I am realizing more and more every day, just how far my husband is from Christianity - the understanding, the context, and the lifestyle. He doesn't even attempt to hide that fact anymore.
I am a Christian. Divorce - aside from adultery - is not an option to an unbalanced marriage.
Separation is an option. So, we are separated. I struggled with separation for quite awhile, every time Holland brought it up … but now, I see that it's a necessity; so, we finally agree on something. I don't hate Holland - I just cannot walk alongside him as wife anymore, the way things stand between us. I have never allowed anyone to disrespect me; Holland is no exception. I have never eaten dust, at the end of a long line before; this crazy marriage according to Holland's way of thinking, is no exception. I've never been assigned subjugation status before; this husband is no exception. I've never been in a situation where Elohim is not allowed into my living space; Holland's presence is no exception. I've never been made to feel lonely in a relationship before; being joined with this husband, is no exception.
If I am going to have to be alone while he traipses after family and friends … I may as well be alone. At least when I am alone, Yeshua is with me & Elohim is welcomed into my living space: I am not lonely. With Holland, I am lonely because there is no place for me in his life - his life is full of people that do not welcome me. They do not make place for Elohim, either. Wherever Holland is lately, is loneliness. Even if I occasionally laugh, it is understood that he would rather be anywhere but here. He feels crowded where there is light & love: he'd rather be where darkness and hate, lives and thrives. I don't want him bringing that mood home, when he decides to return.
So, separation is acceptable to both of us, & necessary for my well-being and a peaceful home.
It is true that the Scriptures encourage couples to work through difficulties and emphasizes the importance of commitment (Lord knows I've tried to work things out). Separation should not be taken lightly (I'm not), and reconciliation is often presented as the ideal outcome (truth; also true is that Life is not always ideal; it takes 2 to make a marriage work).
However, while the Scriptures promote unity - it is also understood that separation may occur due to serious issues. In such circumstances, it is essential to seek Elohim's guidance, Yeshua's example in all things, and the Ruach HaKo'desh's wisdom: always pointing towards hope for a healing Restoration.
Scripture provide a framework for understanding marital separation from a Biblical perspective - and that, I can accept and work with:
Malachi 2:16: "For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and him who covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."
Matthew 19:6: "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
1 Corinthians 7:10-11: "To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."
So, we are caught in a catch-22 situation. It is not a fun place to be.
Ephesians 5:31: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
My husband refuses to understand this - he'd rather label me a "hater" - that's okay, I know I'm not a hater. Elohim knows I'm not a hater; and Elohim knows what Holland is doing … and attempting to do.
1 Peter 3:7: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."
People will always disappoint, hurt, and wound.
Elohim never disappoints.
Yeshua heals our wounds.
The Ruach HaKo'desh soothes our hurts with Elohim's Words of wisdom and leads us to the healing Waters of Yeshua's salvation.
I have baggage I'm not sure will ever be 100% sorted out; or even laid to rest before my body gives out and my spirit soars beyond the clouds.
But I have been trying to get a handle on things and stay on an even keel - most of the time I can float my boat through untroubled waters with ease: other times, turbulent rapids appear seemly out of nowhere, and my poor safety boat is violently tossed about as it it propelled forward against my will. I am disoriented in the rapid movement that disturbed my peaceful surroundings; it takes a while to gain control of the situation and bring my little boat safely through to an calmer, easier passage.
*A survival-mode childhood = baggage I'm not sure can ever be truly unpacked until I cross those Pearly Gates, beyond the Blue.
*A 1st marriage with a difficult stepchild that never acknowledged my place in his father's life, and steadily fought me for 44 years.
*A 1st marriage in which my then husband died 3 times … the last dance, with the Grim Reaper collecting.
*Unfounded, vicious, and malicious accusations hurled at me in my most terrifying & disoriented moments while I sat death watch: by in-laws, sister, & children.
*Swift, blue-smoked-abandonment by immediate family following my husband's physical death.
*Widow bullshit legalities that constantly kept me in survival mode for 2 years.
*A difficult 4-1/2 year process of rebuilding a New Life from the torpedoed remains of my previous Life.
*A scary, yet determined, will to reach out to strangers and form friendships: I'm very thankful to Elohim for the friends gained - those who truly love me despite my cracked shell, those who stayed with me during my difficult years - those who still stick, even if they sometimes scratch & shake their heads in bewildered [what the hell, Val] moments I manage to get myself into when my little boat goes shooting down surprise rapids.
*A difficult Mr. Complication firmly established in my New Life, adding more complications to an already complicated life. I had warned him that first night he took me for an evening cup of coffee, and started talking marriage right off the bat: I said very clearly with stress emphasized - "Are you sure you really want this? I come with baggage, Holland. I will make you angry - really angry; I won't mean to, but it will happen. I come with baggage. I'm not sure you're ready for me."He assured me he was"more than ready; I've been waiting for you all my Life." He had no idea - and insisted. We drove to Reno-NV & the deed was done. I had no idea what kind of baggage he was dragging along: it's much worse than mine, and he keeps it close, refusing to let it go so he can heal. I am at least working on my issues. Mr. Complication refuses to acknowledge he has issues.
My Life since January 2023, is caught in a spin cycle of continual upheaval.
Before Mr. Complication, my stresses were manageable & I had some sense of peace in my life, tranquil situations, and a carefully managed environment where the roar of approaching turbulent waters was muted, and mostly avoidable because I steered my safety boat towards calmer waters. But my new husband likes deep water - he likes the roar of danger; and constantly steers our ify boat into troublesome rapids. Mr. Complication seriously stresses me out … and short of death, there is no way out.
My Life's carefully rebuilt structure is faltering under the pressures of a new life, new husband, new experience stresses of redmill psych ward trauma dramas: Mr. Complication doesn't want to change… but, I can change my reactions to his courting of danger; and that is what I will be doing with the unfolding of this new year that started last eve - and will wrap up on September 22, 2026.
I need to regulate my immediate surroundings again.
Re-experiencing Flashbacks: Feeling like the traumatic event is happening again.
There are people and places I actively avoid because deep memories are strongly associated with them. I'm not anti-social … I am selectively social. WA is a place that holds great discomfort for me; for many reasons. WA & OR will always be places filled with memories of Bob - and though all my memories of Bob are good ones, those memories do not belong in my New Life; my New Life deserves a chance to grow without old memories infringing on that growth. In reference to my new husband, all WA State represents to me, is chains of bondage that he needs to break free from in order to live a full adult life where death does not court him at every turn of the road. MPO. I would prefer to stay away from WA forever.
Scriptures encouraging a calm soul include Philippians 4:6-7, which advises releasing anxiety through prayer and promises Yeshua's peace, and Isaiah 26:3, stating that perfect peace comes to those who trust in Elohim. Psalm 131:2 describes a calm soul like a weaned child, while Psalm 37:7 calls for resting in Yeshua and waiting patiently. Galatians 5:22 points to peace as a fruit of the Ruach HaKo'desh, and Proverbs 17:27 links a calm spirit to self-control and wisdom.
Intrusive thoughts and nightmares: Unwanted memories or disturbing dreams that disrupt your daily life.
Before Mr. Complication's horns revealed themselves, and his rebellious spirit introduced stressful chaos back into my Life, I had successfully managed to keep unwanted memories and disturbing death watch memories at bay. But now, constant interactions with his suicidal family members - and his own taunting dance with the Grim Reaper, those unwanted memories & disturbing death watch flashbacks are intruding into my sleeping hours: I am waking up more tired than when I fell into bed. Intrusive thoughts are draining.
Several Bible passages emphasize trusting in Yeshua to find peace and release anxiety. Philippians 4:6-7 speaks of finding peace that surpasses understanding through prayer. Isaiah 26:3 highlights the perfect peace granted to those whose minds are focused on Elohim. In Matthew 11:28-29, Yeshua invites those who are weary to come to Him for rest. John 14:27 offers Yeshua's peace, which differs from worldly peace, to alleviate troubled and fearful hearts. 1 Peter 5:6-7 encourages casting anxieties upon Elohim, Who cares for you. Psalm 46:10 advises being still to know Elohim.
Avoiding reminders: Making a significant effort to avoid people, places, or situations that remind you of the trauma.
On my own, I studiously avoid trigging factors. But now that I share my life, home space, and vehicle with a new husband … these triggers are constantly tripped with his insistence that we drive back to WA every 3 or 4 months for a 2 or 3 month stay so he can tear the highway up between where Independence is set up, and Kelso-WA. WA State holds a lot of triggering episodes, for me - that, and my husband's attitude when he comes home from his Kelso forays constantly keep our lives in turmoil and seriously disturbs our home environment. If it were up to me, I'd never go back to WA.
And, I need to find and attend a local Fellowship - no matter where we are located; connection with other Believers are a necessity n a Christian's Life.
Scriptures from the Bible advise choosing companions wisely to become wise, avoid harm, and encourage spiritual growth. Proverbs 13:20 states, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm", while 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character'". Other verses like Hebrews 10:24 encourage "spur[ring] one another on toward love and good deeds" by meeting together, emphasizing the importance of community in strengthening faith.
Hypervigilance & World Safety: Feeling constantly on guard: A heightened sense of alertness and a persistent feeling that something bad is about to happen.
Mr. Complications steady stream of complications, constantly keeps me on edge. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop in our eggshell-walk existence. My head, and my heart, would appreciate a rest from the stirred up chaos.
Scriptures suggest living a safe life by seeking Elohim as a refuge (Psalm 46:1), casting cares on Him (Psalm 55:22), and living with integrity (Proverbs 1). Other passages advise caution for a safe life by listening to wisdom (Proverbs 1:33), being prudent (Proverbs 22:3), and living a quiet and diligent life (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12).
I'm embarrassed with where my Life is currently at, because I took extra-special precautions following Bob's exit from my life to make sure complications like this didn't happen. I actually met Mr. Complication at a country fellowship I was attending 2020 through 2022; but being focused on rebuilding a life from the shattered remains of a previous life, I forgot that demoniacs often clothe themselves in light, and frequent churches (he told me his parents were evangelists, he learned the Bible with his cousins sitting around his grandmother's kitchen table for Bible Studies; he & his entire family network can quote scriptures unerringly - they just don't know Who Yeshua is, and none of them life any portion of Bible in their private lives; they have endless excuses to excuse sin and make it appear a moral standard: it's craziness running unchecked). I don't run with risky people; I was caught off-guard. The hostile goat I live with in the now, blindsided me with his cultivated lamb persona - the horns didn't come out until we returned from our Reno-NV marriage ceremony. I was stunned. I'm still reeling from constant boat rocking that threatens to shatter as it hurls through the choppy, boulder-strewn rapids of a turbulent life.
To live in a hostile environment, the scriptures advise Believers to seek wisdom and discernment from Elohim (Proverbs 3:5-6), do not conform to the pattern of the world (Romans 12:2), and overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). Believers are also encouraged to love their enemies (Matthew 5:44), put on the full armor of Elohim for spiritual defense (Ephesians 6:10-18), and rely on Elohim's presence and strength (Isaiah 41:10). Finally, find encouragement and strength in community (Hebrews 10:24-25) and know when it's appropriate to set boundaries or depart from harmful situations.
Difficulty relaxing: feeling physically tense and struggling to unwind.
It is a real struggle to relax when Mr. Complication is always vibrating with chaotic familial fallout; that need to be in everyone's business - instead of tending to our relational business is seriously eroding this marriage. It's a real struggle to relax when the redmill psych ward trauma dramas are in play in our Life; feeding into his TBI and triggering my CPTSD.
To overcome emotional turmoil, scriptures advise surrendering anxiety to Elohim through prayer, trusting in His strength and presence during hardship, and seeking inner peace by cultivating self-control and forgiveness. Key verses include 1 Peter 5:7("Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you"), Philippians 4:6("Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"), and Isaiah 41:10("Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you").
Emotional dysregulation: Difficulty managing intense emotions, leading to rapid shifts between feelings like anxiety, and anger.
My emotions haven't had a restful day since we got back from our Reno-NV tying-the-knot venture.
Regardless of circumstances, choose to rejoice in Yeshua, as instructed in Philippians 4:4 and 1 Thessalonians 5:16. Find reasons for joy through consistent prayer and thankfulness, as the Bible encourages in 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18. View trials as opportunities to grow in faith and perseverance, which can lead to great joy, according to James 1:2-3. Find your ultimate joy in Yeshua Himself, as Psalm 37:4 suggests, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart". Express joy by singing and giving thanks to Yeshua, especially in His presence, as described in Psalm 95:1-2. Let your songs and shouts of praise reflect the joy that Elohim brings into your life, as seen in Psalm 100:1-2. Practice thankfulness in all situations, recognizing that this is God's will for you in Yeshua Ha'Mashiach, according to 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Find happiness in showing mercy to the poor, as Proverbs 14:21 states that happy is the one who has mercy on the poor. Be a source of joy and encouragement to others, refreshing their hearts as described in Philemon 1:7.
Irritability: Feeling easily annoyed or sensitive to change in verbal tone, or the slightest shift in body language.
This actually goes both ways when the heat is on: Mr. Complication's TBI & my CPTSD speedily come to the forefront when the triggering pressures build to the spill over stage.
James 1:19-20: "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of Elohim". This verse encourages patience and thoughtful responses rather than quick anger. Proverbs 15:1: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger". It highlights how a gentle approach can de-escalate a situation, while a harsh word can worsen it. Proverbs 14:29: "Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly". This emphasizes that patience and understanding are signs of wisdom, whereas a short temper leads to foolish actions. Ephesians 4:26-27: "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil". This verse suggests that while anger itself isn't always sinful, it must be managed quickly and not allowed to fester, which can create opportunities for negative influences.
Proverbs 16:32: "Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city". This proverb highlights the strength found in self-mastery and emotional control. Be slow to speak and slow to listen: The scriptures advise listening more and speaking less to avoid unnecessary provocation. Control your spirit: Instead of acting impulsively, it is better to exercise restraint and control over your emotions. Avoid letting anger fester: Unresolved anger can lead to more significant problems, so it is important to address the cause of the anger and find a resolution. Practice forgiveness: Rather than holding onto anger, the scriptures encourage kindness, compassion, and forgiving others.
Negative self-image: An undermining of self-worth.
It took me a lifetime … and 4 years of harrowing widowhood to learn to appreciate myself and cultivate a positive self-love - not in an egotistic way, but more as appreciative gratitude that comes with being a daughter of the Most High God. These 3 years with Mr. Complication have seriously eroded that positivity as he has kept up a steady prattling complaint about every aspect of my being; including my Faith.
Focus on Your Identity in Yeshua - You are Elohim's Masterpiece: Ephesians 2:10 states, "For we are Elohim’s handiwork, created in Messiah Yeshua to do good works, which Elohim prepared in advance for us to do". This emphasizes that your value comes from Elohim, not your actions or flaws. Ephesians 1:7 says, "In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of Elohim’s grace". This highlights that Elohim's love is the source of your acceptance. Romans 8:1-2 assures Believers, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Messiah Yeshua. For the law of the Ruach HaKo'desh, Who gives life in Yeshua Ha'Mashiach, has set you free from the law of sin and death". 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For the Spirit Elohim gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-control". You are empowered by the Ruach HaKo'desh to overcome fear and timidity. Philippians 4:6-7 advises, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to Elohim". This fosters peace of mind through prayer. Philippians 4:13 is a powerful affirmation: "I can do all things through Him, Who strengthens me". This verse helps counter feelings of inadequacy by reminding you of Yeshua's strength available to you.
Remember God's Unconditional Love~God Thinks About You: Zephaniah 3:17 declares, "Messiah Yeshua, your God is with you, the mighty warrior Who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing". This shows a God who rejoices in His people.
Loss of self: A fractured sense of who you are.
With Bob's physical death, I lost all sense of purpose; the total abandonment of the kids further eroded my sense of purpose. And Mr. Complications bitter verbal barbs are chipping away at the little purpose left. More and more, I am asking Elohim, "Why am I still here - I have no purpose. I need purpose." Life is aimless without purpose. No - I am not suicidal: I am questioning and seeking redirection.
Trust in Elohim's Plan: Jeremiah 29:11 is a promise of hope: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares Elohim, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Elohim's plans for you are good.
Difficulty with relationships: Struggles with trusting people.
It is a no-brainer that trust is eroded when people continually give you so many reasons not to trust them … broken promises, devilish behavior, hurtful words, yo-yoing relational complications - just to name a few.
To navigate difficult situations, scriptures advise casting your burdens on Elohim, finding rest in Him, trusting His plans, and seeking His strength, as seen in verses like Psalm 55:22, Matthew 6:34, Isaiah 41:10, and Jeremiah 29:11-13. These passages emphasize that Elohim is a refuge, a source of strength, and that through Him, Believers can overcome challenges with peace and hope. Psalm 55:22:"Cast your burden on Yeshua, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved". This verse encourages surrendering worries to Elohim, Who will provide support and stability. Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in Elohim with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding". This passage calls for complete trust in Elohim and His wisdom rather than human intellect when facing difficulties. Jeremiah 29:11-13: Elohim declares, "For I know the plans I have for you... plans to give you hope and a future". This emphasizes Elohim's overarching benevolent plan for those who seek Him. Isaiah 41:10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". This verse offers reassurance of Elohim's presence, support, and divine power in times of struggle. Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to Elohim. And the peace of Elohim, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds". This passage encourages a prayerful approach to worries, leading to Elohim's peace. Psalm 46:1: "Elohim is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble". This verse identifies Elohim as a secure shelter and source of strength during difficult times.
Physical symptoms: fatigue, headaches, chest pains, and dizziness, or issues with your digestive system due to constant stress; trembling, sweating, or feeling nauseous.
I do have to admit that my digestive issues have settled down … but, the other physical discomforts have amped up with the arrival of Mr. Complications complications.
To overcome illness and problems, scriptures offer a path of trust in Elohim's power, seeking His healing and strength, and maintaining faith through prayer. Key verses include Isaiah 41:10 for strength, Matthew 11:28-30 for rest from burdens, 1 Peter 2:24 for healing through Messiah Yeshua's wounds, Philippians 4:6-7 to overcome anxiety, and James 5:14-15 for the power of faith-filled prayer for the sick. Elohim promises to heal: "For I am the Lord who heals you" (Exodus 15:26). Physical Healing: "By His wounds you have been healed" (1 Peter 2:24). "The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Yeshua will raise them up" (James 5:14-15). "Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for You are the one I praise" (Jeremiah 17:14). "Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Isaiah 41:10). "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28-30). "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to Elohim. And the peace of Elohim, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds" (Philippians 4:6-7). "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). "Trust in Elohim with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
LAMB~JOEL CHERNOFF - 'Heal Me' song:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GPHGqo_oQg)
For many people, CPTSD is a lifelong condition. I don't do medical guinea pig, or hamster wheel, stuff. And numbing situations with drugs is not a viable solution; I don't use drugs. MPO. Instead I'm going to be working on my issues with Yeshua's healing help: that is what works for me.
Core Biblical Principles~Love and Forgiveness: Show love even to enemies and pray for those who mistreat you, as illustrated by Yeshua's teaching to turn the other cheek and love your enemies. Respond with slowness to anger and a heart of compassion, patience, and kindness toward others. Do Not Retaliate: Avoid returning evil for evil; instead, overcome evil with good (Romans 12:17-21). Strive to live in peace with all people, when possible (Romans 12:18). Pray for wisdom to know how to respond in each situation and to gain a deeper understanding of others (Proverbs 11:14). Matthew 5:44-45: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven". Romans 12:17-21: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil... If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all". Ephesians 4:31-32: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Yeshua; Elohim forgave you". Proverbs 19:11: "Prudence is a gift that calms anger, and it is a credit to overlook an offense". Pray for the person causing difficulty to bring them to a better path. Set Boundaries: While love is paramount, healthy boundaries are also essential for self-protection and can be a part of godly counsel and action. Recognize that vengeance belongs to Elohim; do not take it upon yourself (Romans 12:19).
Todah, Yeshua My Savior, Messianic Jewish Worship Song. Hebrew English Praise Song, Original Music:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HuBcnxHbkk).
The word todah (תּוֹדָה) is a Hebrew term that primarily means thanksgiving and praise. It can refer to a verbal expression, a written or sung offering.
I am leaning into Elohim, inviting Yeshua's peaceful embrace, and allowing the Ruach HaKo'desh to show me a peaceful way to live with my hell's angel husband amidst the red flags (he didn't ride with them, but a cousin did; my husband just stirs up hellish behavior & entertains demons). I lived with my mother & her craziness for 17 years … I should be able to juggle my husband's familial craziness with ease; I'm just tired of always being wary on this battlefield that is now my Life.
I know there's a sanctified way of dealing with this situation, I just haven't found a workable solution yet; I think the road map may be found in rest; so that's what I'm going to be practicing. Holland has already been notified that I am taking a year to restock, recharge, and reset (from 9-21, a few days ago to 9-21-2026). And I'm sticking to it.
I will be distancing from that people and situations that make me uncomfortable; Holland has been informed that my mingling days are over. If he wants to spend time with ME … it will be with decent people; and if that's not something he's keen on - he can spend time alone. But I am done with devilish behaviors. I intend to cross Heaven's threshold, when I take my last breath!
This portion of *Paul's 2 Timothy Epistle highlights his urgency to prepare and encourage **Timothy for a deeper and stronger grasp of his work concerning #The Faith. In this letter, Paul anticipates a time of growing apostasy(withdrawl, relapse, backsliding = betrayal) and wickedness(actions, thoughts, and intentions that are morally wrong and evil; going against ***Elohim's Will and righteousness = the opposite of righteousness that embraces a way of life characterized by sin, rebelliousness, and a disregard for justice and virtue) when men and women will be increasingly susceptible to empty religiosity & false teaching (3:1 thru 9). Arrogance(overbearing pride; an arrogant person sees themselves as better than others and may exaggerate their self-importance) and godlessness(a mode of thinking or being that excludes Elohim from life and ignores or perhaps even deliberately violates Elohim's laws and commandments = godless or ungodly persons are those who live, act, and think as though Elohim can be ignored or spurned) will breed(bring forth; increase) further deception & persecution; but Timothy must not waver(be be uncertain about what you think, or feel, about something or someone) in using the Scripture to combat doctrinal error & moral evil (3:10 thru 17). The Scriptures are inspired by Elohim, and with them Timothy is equipped to carry out the ministry to which he was called.
********************
Wednesday Bible Study/2 TIMOTHY ~ Chapter 3
Coming of Apostasy
(vv. 1 thru 9)
"But know this - that in the last days, perilous(hazardous, insecure, dangerous; times of stress) times will come: for men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters(bragger, gaslighter, egoist = strutting peacock), proud, blasphemers(disrespector, irreligionist = atheist, heathen, pagan; unchristian), disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers (false teachers speaking false doctrine; liar), without self-control, brutal, despisers of good(people who show disrespect or hate for what is considered virtuous, moral, or beneficial = people who don't want to live right and hate everyone who does), traitors(a sellout to the enemy), headstrong(determined to have their own way and unwilling to listen to advice or consider other perspectives; stubborn and resolute, pushing forward with their own ideas even when wrong), haughty(have a big attitude and acting better than other people; overbearing, prideful, swaggering, and obnoxious), lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of Elohim, having a form of godliness(the reverent awareness of Elohim's sovereignty over every aspect of life, and the attendant determination to honor Him in all one's conduct) but denying its power(the ****Ruach HaKo'desh = baptism of the Holy Ghost, Acts 1); from such people, turn away!
For of this sort(a person having the stated, or suggested character) are those who creep into households and make captives(being controlled by a situation or emotions) of gullible women (easily deceived or tricked because they are too trusting and willing to believe what others say without questioning or critical thinking = naïve, innocent, or unsuspecting, making them vulnerable to scams, misinformation, and manipulation)loaded down with sins(these false teachers, driven by lust and sin, seek to control and manipulate those they have influenced), led astray by various lusts (Matthew 23:14), always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the Truth (1 Timothy 2:4). Now as ^Jannes & ^^Jambres resisted(violated, opposed, defied) Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt(immoral, perverse, greedy) minds, disapproved(frown upon; object to; go against) concerning the Faith (Exodus 7:11, 12 & 22; 8:7 - Romans 1:28 & 1 Timothy 6:5): but they will progress no further, for their folly(a lack of good sense or judgment; foolish or misguided behavior, actions, or beliefs) will be manifest (make it clear or evident; to show it plainly; to bring it into physical reality through thought and action) to all, as theirs also was (Exodus 7:11 & 12; 8:18 & 9:11).
Confronting (face to face conflict of opposing ideas) Apostasy
(vv. 10 thru 17)
But you have carefully(a thorough, attentive, or painstaking way; giving thought to avoiding errors) followed my doctrine(teaching; belief; rule), manner of life, faith, long-suffering(having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people), love, perseverance(the ability to keep doing something in spite of obstacles), persecutions(punishment or harassment usually of a severe nature on the basis of race, religion, or political opinion), & afflictions(great distress, pain, or suffering), which happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra - what persecutions I have endured(tolerate; hold out, or put up with something unpleasant). And out of them all the *****Lord delivered( rescued, and saved) me (1 Timothy 4:6).
Yes, and all who desire to live godly in *****Yeshua Ha'Mashiach will suffer persecutions (Psalm 34:19). But evil(harmful; sinful = morally wrong or bad, and often involving harm or suffering; causing pain & misfortune = tragedy, tribulation) men and imposters(somebody who pretends to be somebody or or something that they are not) will grow worse & worse, deceiving and being deceived (2 Thessalonians 2:11).
But as for you, continue in the things which you have learned and have been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have know the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise(deep understanding, keen discernment, & a capacity for sound judgment) for salvation through faith which is in Yeshua Ha'Mashiach (John 5:39). All Scripture is given by inspiration(comes from the Latin word “inspiratus,” which essentially means “breathe into.” It has been said that, before this literal meaning, the word inspiration had a theological basis that predated this definition. It initially referred to the influence of a divine entity on a person; a force or influence that inspires) of Elohim, and is profitable for doctrine; for reproof(scolding; rebuke), for correction, for instruction in righteousness(generally refers to a person's moral character, their ability to act justly and correctly, & speaks to their relationship with Elohim), that the man of God may be complete(having all parts or elements; lacking nothing; whole; entire = unbroken), thoroughly equipped(possessing the necessary tools, knowledge, skills, and qualities to effectively accomplish a task, or succeed in a particular situation) for every good work(to do something very well; supportive environment with constructive relationships; good works include acts of love, charity, and service to others, as well as being faithful to one's calling)."
*Apostle Paul = known as Saul before he converted to Christianity (Acts 9), was the chief killer of Christians following Yeshua’s death, resurrection, and ascension – being the foremost witness to the stoning of Stephen (Acts 7).
The Apostle Paul was one of the most influential leaders of the early Christian Church. He played a crucial role in spreading the gospel to the Gentiles (non-Jews) during the first century, and his missionary journeys took him all throughout the Roman empire.
Apostle (/əˈpɒsəl/) = in its literal sense, is an emissary. The word is derived from Ancient Greek ἀπόστολος (apóstolos), literally "one who is sent off", itself derived from the verb ἀποστέλλειν (apostéllein), "to send off". The purpose of such sending off is usually to convey a message, and thus "messenger" is a common alternative translation; other common translations include "ambassador" and "envoy".
Apostle in the Gospels is one of an authoritative New Testament group sent out to preach the gospel and made up especially of Christ's 12 original disciples and Paul.
**Timothy = son of the devout Jewish woman, Eunice, and a Greek father, Timothy became a follower of Yeshua Ha’Mashiach when Apostle Paul preached the Gospel in Lystra, Timothy’s hometown. Paul invited the young convert to accompany him on his second missionary journey; and was sent to Thessalonica to strengthen the fellowship there. After another journey with Paul, Timothy was sent to Corinth to straighten out some problems upsetting the fellowship there.
Timothy later looked after Paul during Paul’s imprisonment. Timothy subsequently was asked to go to Ephesus to represent Paul, and received the two letters from Paul that bear Timothy’s Name. Timothy – these letters reveal, was like a son to Paul.
The last word in the New Covenant about this sensitive, sickly, but faithful young helper was that he was imprisoned but finally released. Acts 16:1, 17:14-15, 18:5, 19:22 & 20:4; Romans 16:21; 1 Corinthians 4;17 & 16:10; 2 Corinthians1:1 & 19; Colossians 1:1; 1 Thessalonians 1:1, 3:2, & 6; 2 Thessalonians 1:1; 1 & 2 Timothy; Philemon 1; and Hebrews 13:23.
***Elohim (Hebrew: אֱלֹהִים, romanized: ʾּlōhīm: (eloˈ(h)im) is a Hebrew word meaning "Gods – Father, Son, & Holy Spirit". Although the word is plural in form, in the Hebrew Bible it usually refers to a single deity “Behold, the Lord – the Lord is One”, particularly the God of Israel.
****Ruach HaKo'desh (The Hebrew language phrase ruach ha-kodesh is pronounced ROO-akh-KOH-desh: רוח הקודש, "holy spirit" also transliterated ruaḥ ha-qodesh) is used in the Hebrew Bible and Jewish writings to refer to the spirit of YHWH (רוח יהוה); the Holy Spirit occurs 90 times in the Brit Chadashah. Luke 3:16; Ephesians 1:13, & 4:30; 1 Thessalonians 4:8; Titus 3:5; 1 Corinthians 6:9; & Jude 1:20.
The New Testament is called the B'rit Chadashah in Hebrew, meaning "New Covenant" (the word B'rit means "covenant" and Chadashah means "new").
*****Lord = Jesus Christ (in Greek: Kyrios Iēsous Christos) = the most formal title for Jesus (Yeshua). It occurs often in the New Testament letters.
The word “Lord” has a wide range of uses; it can be a simple respectful “Sir” or a more formal, “Master.” But the New Testament also uses “Lord” of God. The word “Christ” is the anglicized form of the Greek word meaning “anointed one” or “Messiah.” “Lord Jesus Christ” reminds us that Jesus is both the promised Messiah and our God.
Yeshua Ha’Mashiach: is Hebrew for “Jesus the Messiah”; the name Jesus is the Greek form of the Hebrew name Yeshua.
Christ (from the Hebrew word, Ha’Mashiach ישוע המשיח & the Greek word, Christos/khris-tos) = The Anointed, Yeshua the Messiah, in both languages.
#The Faith = represents the specific doctrines, teachings, and beliefs that distinguish Christianity from other religions. It includes the core beliefs about God, Jesus, the Bible, salvation, and the afterlife.
It's not just a personal belief, but a shared understanding and tradition within the Christian community.
^Jannes: the name tradition assigned to one of the magicians in the pharaoh's court when Moses & Aaron came to require the release of the children of Abraham; Jannes is not mentioned by name in the Old Testament at all … the Apostle Paul supplies the names of Jannes & Jambres, who tried to thwart Moses' & Aaron's mission by pitting their secret arts magic against Elohim's power, before pharaoh (Exodus 7:10-12).
A "name tradition" refers to the customary practices, beliefs, or rituals surrounding the giving and use of names within a particular culture, family, or group. These traditions can vary widely, encompassing aspects like the timing of naming ceremonies, the selection of names based on lineage, religious beliefs, or other cultural significance, and the meaning associated with different names.
*Paul wrote 1st Timothy from Macedonia in A.D. 62 or 63, while **Timothy was serving as his representative in Ephesus and perhaps in other ***churches in the province of Asia. Timothy was to appoint elders, combat false doctrine, and supervise(keep watch over and direct activity; to make certain that everything is done correctly for security purposes)church life(fellowship gathering is important because it helps us pursue godliness and prioritize our relationship with ****Elohim - to learn the truth about the one true living God, and join together to disciple others to come to know Him as well) as an apostolic representative(to walk in the ways and teaching of *****Yeshua, the way the #Apostles did; to be apostolic is to be a disciple of Yeshua Ha'Mashiach: to preach the whole ##Gospel message with the Old Testament as the foundation, and the New Testament its fulfilment).
Paul's Macedonian Call = Early Church
Asia Minor Provinces; Biblical during Paul's time.
In this chapter, Paul emphasizes(give special importance to something in speaking or writing; make something more clearly understood)*****Yeshua Ha'Mashiach as the "one Mediator(a go-between person) between Elohim and men" (v. 2:5); and ****God was manifested(to show something clearly, through signs or actions) in the flesh, justified(having or shown to have a just, right, or reasonable basis) in the ******Ruach HaKo'desh, seen by ^angels, preached among the ^^gentiles, believed on in the world, and received up in glory. Yeshua is the source of spiritual strength, faith, and love (vv. 1:12 &14). He "came into the world to save sinners" (v. 1:15) and "gave Himself as a ransom(high-end payment for the release of someone or something from captivity) for all" (v. 2:6) as the Savior of all mankind, especially of those who believe.
Paul's charge(to strongly and firmly request in an authoritative manner) concerning doctrine(a set of beliefs; the word comes from the Latin doctor for “teacher,” so think of a doctrine as basic teachings): After his greeting (vv. 1:1 & 2), Paul warns Timothy about the growing problem with false doctrines, particularly as they relate(make or show a connection between; feel sympathy with; identify with) to the misuse(to use incorrectly; to misapply) of ###Mosaic Law (vv. 1:3 thru 11). The aging apostle then recounts his radical conversion to *****Christ and subsequent(following, later, succeeding) calling to the ministry (vv. 1:12 thru 17). Timothy, too, has received a divine calling, and Paul charges him to fulfill it without wavering in the doctrine or conduct (vv. 1:18 thru 20).
Paul's charge concerning public worship: Turning his attention to the church at large, Paul addresses the issues of Church worship & leadership. Efficacious(having the power to produce a desired effect) public prayer should be a part of worship, and Paul associates this with the role of men in the church (vv. 2:1 thru 8). He then turns to the role of women (vv. 2:9 thru 15), wherein he emphasizes the importance of the inner quality of godliness(the quality or practice of conforming to the laws and wishes of God; devoutness and moral uprightness: reflecting the nature of the kingdom of God in the course of everyday life).
********************
1 TIMOTHY ~ Chapter 2
Prayer In Public Worship
(vv. 1 thru 8)
"Therefore I exhort(strongly encourage or urge someone to do something) first of all that supplications(a humble request asking for Elohim's help), prayers(a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to Elohim), intercessions(a religious service, especially a regular prayer appointment, in which people gather in order to pray together), and giving of thanks be made for all men - for kings and all who are in authority(the power or the right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience), that we may lead(an action; an example for others to follow) a quiet and peaceful life in all godliness(godliness can only be gained through daily dying to self and living in obedience to Yeshua - learning from Him how to walk in humility) and reverence(honor felt or shown; profound adoring awe) - (Romans 13:1).For this is good and acceptable in the sight of ****God our Savior (Romans 12:2), Who desires that all mankind to be saved and to come to the saving knowledge of the Truth: for there is one God and one Mediator between God and man … the Man Yeshua Ha'Mashiach (God in the flesh), Who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified to (to bear witness; to show, or give evidence) in due time (Mark 10:45) for which I was appointed(to be given a task or a job) a preacher and an apostle - I am speaking the truth in Christ and not lying - a teacher of the Gentiles in faith and truth (Ephesians 3:7 & 8; Galatians 1:15 & 16). Therefore I desire that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting (Psalm 134:2 & Luke 23:34).
Women in Public Worship
(vv. 9 thru 15)
In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest(neither bold nor self-assertive; tending toward low key = not dramatic, over-the-top or intense; done in a way that doesn't bring too much attention)apparel(any item that can be worn on the body = clothing, hats, bags, ect.), with propriety(appropriate, or fitting) and moderation(tries not to be too extreme to the left or right = to hold a middle ground), not with fancy hair styles, showy jewelry, or costly clothing … but, which is proper for women claiming godliness, with good works. Let women learn in silence with all submission(the action or fact of accepting or yielding to the will or authority of another person). And I do not permit(to let someone do something. It comes from the Latin permittere which means "give up, allow to pass through") a woman to teach(come from the Greek term didasko = "to teach": the usual word for "teach" in the New Testament signifies either to hold a discourse with others in order to instruct them in the studies of authorized positions) or to have authority(the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience)over(at a higher level; position at a higher level than) a man; but to be in silence(provides a tranquil space that promotes a sense of peace, tranquility, and mental clarity) - (1 Corinthians 14:34): for Adam was created first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression(trans-gresh'-un = to pass over or beyond; to overpass, as any rule prescribed as the limit of duty; to break or violate, as a law, civil or moral; the violation of a law or known principle of rectitude = a formal word that comes from the Latin adjective rectus, which means both “right” and “straight,” and ultimately from the Latin verb regere, meaning “to lead straight”; breach of command; offense; crime; sin).
Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control."
*Apostle Paul = known as Saul before he converted to Christianity (Acts 9), was the chief killer of Christians following Yeshua’s death, resurrection, and ascension – being the foremost witness to the stoning of Stephen (Acts 7).
The Apostle Paul was one of the most influential leaders of the early Christian Church. He played a crucial role in spreading the gospel to the Gentiles (non-Jews) during the first century, and his missionary journeys took him all throughout the Roman empire.
**Timothy = son of the devout Jewish woman, Eunice, and a Greek father, Timothy became a follower of Yeshua Ha’Mashiach when Apostle Paul preached the Gospel in Lystra, Timothy’s hometown. Paul invited the young convert to accompany him on his second missionary journey; and was sent to Thessalonica to strengthen the fellowship there. After another journey with Paul, Timothy was sent to Corinth to straighten out some problems upsetting the fellowship there.
Timothy later looked after Paul during Paul’s imprisonment. Timothy subsequently was asked to go to Ephesus to represent Paul, and received the two letters from Paul that bear Timothy’s Name. Timothy – these letters reveal, was like a son to Paul.
The last word in the New Covenant about this sensitive, sickly, but faithful young helper was that he was imprisoned but finally released. Acts 16:1, 17:14-15, 18:5, 19:22 & 20:4; Romans 16:21; 1 Corinthians 4;17 & 16:10; 2 Corinthians1:1 & 19; Colossians 1:1; 1 Thessalonians 1:1, 3:2, & 6; 2 Thessalonians 1:1; 1 & 2 Timothy; Philemon 1; and Hebrews 13:23.
***Church = The word translated "Church" is the translation of the Greek term ekklesia, and is used in the New Covenant (New Testament) to identify the community of believers in Yeshua Ha'Mashiach. This word is the Greek words kaleo (to call), with the prefix ek (out). Thus, the word means "the called out ones."
However, the English word "Church" does not come from ekklesia but from the word kuriakon, which means "dedicated to the Lord."
Believer: someone who has put faith and trust in the redemptive work of Yeshua Ha'Mashiach through His death on the cross and subsequent resurrection.
****Elohim(Hebrew: אֱלֹהִים, romanized: ʾּlōhīm: [(eloˈ(h)im]) is a Hebrew word meaning "Gods – Father, Son, & Holy Spirit". Although the word is plural in form, in the Hebrew Bible it usually refers to a single deity “Behold, the Lord – the Lord is One”, particularly the God of Israel.
Elohei Tzur Yishi = Hebrew: Rock of my salvation (2 Samuel 22:47) - rock is poetically used to indicate the strength of God as the ground of all being in the universe.
*****Yeshua Ha’Mashiach: is Hebrew for “Jesus the Messiah”; the name Jesus is the Greek form of the Hebrew name Yeshua.
Christ (from the Hebrew word, Ha’Mashiach ישוע המשיח & the Greek word, Christos/khris-tos) = The Anointed, Yeshua the Messiah, in both languages.
Lord Jesus Christ (in Greek: Kyrios Iēsous Christos) = the most formal title for Jesus (Yeshua). It occurs often in the New Testament letters.
The word “Lord” has a wide range of uses; it can be a simple respectful “Sir” or a more formal, “Master.” But the New Testament also uses “Lord” of God. The word “Christ” is the anglicized form of the Greek word meaning “anointed one” or “Messiah.” “Lord Jesus Christ” reminds us that Jesus is both the promised Messiah and our God.
******Ruach HaKo'desh(The Hebrew language phrase ruach ha-kodesh is pronounced ROO-akh-KOH-desh: רוח הקודש, "holy spirit" also transliterated ruaḥ ha-qodesh) is used in the Hebrew Bible and Jewish writings to refer to the spirit of YHWH (רוח יהוה); the Holy Spirit occurs 90 times in the Brit Chadashah. Luke 3:16; Ephesians 1:13, & 4:30; 1 Thessalonians 4:8; Titus 3:5; 1 Corinthians 6:9; & Jude 1:20.
The New Testament is called the B'rit Chadashah in Hebrew, meaning "New Covenant" (the word B'rit means "covenant" and Chadashah means "new").
#Apostle(/əˈpɒsəl/), in its literal sense, is an emissary. The word is derived from Ancient Greek ἀπόστολος (apóstolos), literally "one who is sent off", itself derived from the verb ἀποστέλλειν (apostéllein), "to send off". The purpose of such sending off is usually to convey a message, and thus "messenger" is a common alternative translation; other common translations include "ambassador" and "envoy".
Apostle in the Gospels is one of an authoritative New Testament group sent out to preach the gospel and made up especially of Christ's 12 original disciples and Paul.
##Gospel: the word is derived from the Anglo-Saxon term, god-spell, meaning “good story”; Biblically speaking, gospel is a rendering of the Latin evangelium and the Greek euangelion, meaning “good news” or “good telling”.
###The Law = Torah refers to the law, especially the law - or teachings - given by God to the Israelites through Moses which can be found in the Old Testament of the Bible. Mosaic Law begins with The Ten Commandments and includes rules regarding religious observances outlined in the "first five books" of the Torah, which are Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.
^Angel: (n) – a spiritual being in position of attendant, agent, or messenger of Elohim (often represented in human form with wings and a long robe).
^^Gentile = person who is not Jewish. The word stems from the Hebrew term ha-goyim, “the nations,” meant nations of the world that were not Hebrew.
**1 Timothy~ Chapter 1/Thursday Bible Study https://roadgypsiesvalandholland.blogspot.com/2024/05/1-timothy-chapter-1thursday-bible-study.html"thursday-bible-study.html
