A GAME OF NUMBERS; Woodland-WA

We had planned last night to go to Vancouver this morning - before the morning phone call. Holland received a call from a man in Seattle giving him a quote for the repairs to Independence … none of that sounded right (quote or location), so we drove straight to Vancouver to find out what was going on.

Holland worked in construction for decades; he would know pricing on materials.

The drive went smoothly and convo was enjoyable.

I waited in Betsy while Holland paid a visit to the Office.

Repair quote sounds pretty low, so to Vancouver we go …

$21,000.00 is the quote for full inspection and repairs …

Vancouver-WA from Woodland-WA; 19 min (17.5 mi) via I-5 S

RV Pro; #418 NE Repass Rd Ste A1, Vancouver, WA

Holland making sure all the boxes were checked & match the repair quote.

I watched clouds while I waited … fat, fluffy, heavy, & low floating clouds ;-)

When he came back to Betsy, he said they had done a thorough inspection, and the quotes were right - so, now all we are waiting for is the Insurance inspector to check Independence out and submit his quotes. Independence will be repaired, not totaled.

Holland says the repair quote was correct.

It's a numbers game of waiting until everyone involved in the {fix} has had a look & an opinion.

Both the RV Repair Shop & the Insurance Rep's are winners; we want to get a good deal, too.

On another note, Holland is working on marriage repairs also; it's been 14 days without alcohol or Vicodin - the withdrawals are strong, but so has he been. My Taurus swan man did not like reading the posts his feisty Capricorn posted about his behavior: he said, "I do not appreciate what you posted for everyone to read." I replied, "I do not like living through what I posted for people to read." 

Things started changing yesterday afternoon.

We will be here in Woodland, until the 21st, then possibly in Kalama for a few weeks. After that, we don't know where we will be … but we know we will be working things out together - the hardest hurdles are being cleared, and everything else looks promising :-)

LOOSEY-GOOSEY~Woodland-WA

I woke up this morning to see, and feel, that a side of the toenail on my right big toe was seriously loose and easily peeled off in a loosey-goosey fashion; this is one of the two toenails that Bleu badly injured months ago, when he stabbed it with his sharp toenails during puppy friskiness. So, as soon as Holland came back from the motel office with the motel Wi-Fi passcode, I went online to find out how to care for this toenail injury …

Onycholysis is when your nail separates from its nail bed. It often appears after an injury to your nail. After a nail separates from the nail bed for whatever reason, it will not reattach. A new nail will have to grow back in its place. Treatment may involve cutting away the separated nail as it grows out; do not rip off the toenail or tear off the piece that is detaching as this could further injure the nail bed and lead to infection.

Toenail injury fallout.

Dressing the damaged nail with a bandage will help protect the injury and keep the area clean. If a person removes a nail, they are at greater risk of damaging the skin of the nail bed and of developing an infection. Signs of infection can include: increased heat of tender nail bed, redness, pain, tenderness, swelling, or pus. Nails grow back slowly. It takes about 6 months or longer for a fingernail and up to 18 months for a toenail to grow back.

Oh joy - another concern in a very stressful week already full of relationship chaos, a painful shingles outbreak, and a personal Wi-Fi tower snafu which led to returning it and reliance on an outside PC connect :-(

Add to that that even though we are no longer hurting each other with word darts, I still have no idea what Holland intends to do … but I do know that he is not going to drag me into sin. When he shouted a few days ago that he is getting a divorce, I asked him on what grounds: he said, "we don't get along" (meaning he can't have things his way 100% of the time). I said, "That's not Biblical, Holland. I am a Christian - and you keep telling me that you are one; you know the only way you can divorce me is if one of us is fooling around on the side. Are you?" He said, "No! I need another woman in my life like I need a hole in the head."

So, I got out my Bible and read Matthew 5:31-32, which I assumed he had read and understood since he had been married & divorced in early adulthood: Jesus said, "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

I should not have been surprised with Holland's response, but I kinda was. He said, "Well, I don't believe that. You can legally get a divorce for irreconcilable differences …" I just stared at him for a few minutes before I said, "Yes; but worldly legal is not biblical grounds for divorce, Holland. If you want your divorce you can only get one from me if you get busy and give me a reason to sign the papers - otherwise you're stuck with me and will need to grow up and man up. You are not going to drag me into sin because you want to live loosey-goosey with your bad habits and bad company." He quipped, "Are you going to get married again?" I replied, "I'm stunned that you are arguing the validity of Biblical standards; but to answer you, all I can say is that I don't know what the future holds. I didn't plan on getting married to you, Holland - but Elohim had other Plans. Who knows what Elohim has in the future, for me … I don't spit in His eye and complain non-stop about the gift He gave me, like you are doing. Obviously He wants me married following widowhood, because He sure went out of His way to bring us together; if you will recall, I put you off for a solid year before I agreed to a coffee date with you: you pursued me - I was not an easy catch, Holland, and I was very clear up front that when I marry, I marry for Life. If a solid marriage is what Elohim wants for me - and you want to throw His prophetic gifting to you, back in His face … then you better get busy so you can divorce me by His standards. You are not going to trap me in a dead-end Life with your selfishness, and you are not going to cause me to sin because your life is lived in the Redmill Religion concept of a loosey-goosey atmosphere of 150+ ways to excuse sin - while claiming to be a Christian!"

I do not find his "loosey-goosey, baby!" attitude concerning his religion - or life in general at all endearing, or funny :-(

While I was surfing the internet for the injured toenail information, I came across something else that piqued my curiosity; and found it pretty spot on: I have an "egyptian foot" in one article - and a "roman foot" in the other …

Personality Test: Your Foot Shape Reveals Your Hidden Personality Traits: (https://www.jagranjosh.com/general-knowledge/foot-shape-personality-test-1712315735-1)

What Does Your Foot Shape Says About You? (https://www.awesomequotes4u.com/2015/04/what-does-your-foot-shape-says-about-you.html)

Both articles are fairly accurate in {personality traits}; loosey-goosey isn't a strong point, in my life - even if my Life does currently resemble a country song …

Chris Cagle - My Life Has Been A Country Song lyrics:  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ui58exOCwY)

The Heart Is a Rebel~Shavua tov; Woodland-WA

Ouch!

I am suffering a painful shingles breakout right now; it's so painful that even Holland is behaving, so they heal and go away  :-)

The picture posted above is a joke - I have no thoughts of jumping off a roof … but I do wish I could shed my skin and shut my nerve ending down for a few days ;-)

Shingles outbreak started yesterday; too much stressful arguing.

After you've had chickenpox, the virus stays in your body for the rest of your life and may reactivate as shingles late in life: that is what happened to me. My first outbreak was when I was 61 years old. Shingles isn't life-threatening, but it sure can make your life miserable for a couple of weeks :-(

Stress, some medications, and certain health conditions can reactivate the virus and trigger the symptoms of shingles. When shingles occurs more than once, doctors refer to it as recurrent shingles. Recurrent shingles is more common among people with a compromised immune system … and my body fits that bill. I have been under extreme stress this past week - hence the itchy-burning rash holding me hostage at the moment.

Holland had driven to Kelso this morning, and stopped to pick up a few things before kicking his shoes off for the evening: it is raining here and Holland avoids rotten weather because he really can't afford to risk a chest cold, so it was a thoughtful thing he did.

Holland brought a Southwestern Salad home for me; we're not complete enemies yet (& hopefully never will be).

I had my eye exam on the 10th, and was happy to hear that I passed with flying colors like I did this time last year: and again like last year, no new eyewear this year; and I'm working on shedding the extra weight Holland's cooking put on my body, so I can pull that pretty blouse I wore last year on again, this year :-)

I WILL fit my clothes … and wear a happy smile, again. So help me, God.

I am watching a movie tonight that kinda fits our life at the moment, too: we do not have a desperately sick child, but we do have a hot potato situation with Christianity vs a religious cult mentality. Just like the fictional husband in this movie … Elohim will have to bring Holland to his breaking point before Holland will give any credit - or praise - at all, to Elohim for any good or miraculous events in his life.

Only then will things be as they should be.

The Heart Is a Rebel | A Billy Graham Film: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfqLBWL09mE)

LIES BREED INSANITY

muslims will be at war with Israel until Yeshua comes back.

The muslim-infused war towards Israel began as soon as Israel was recognized world-wide as a legitimate Nation, following the nazi madness that did it's damndest to erase Jews from the face of the Earth.

I love reading the Books of Zachariah & Revelation (I don't find these Books to be "hard to understand" at all) … and I see the words in these Books being played out before our eyes today.

American middle & high schools, colleges, universities, civil & political seats of power, and communities have been infiltrated with muslim lies and outright hatred towards the Jews. Most of my life has been shadowed by muslims attacking Israel (since the late 1960's to today). What Americans are allowing to happen IN America TOWARDS Israel is shameful; America will not go unpunished for the evil they allow to breed. Lies breed insanity, and crazy thinking leads to misguided wars.

I stand with Israel - not just because I am a Jew, but I stand with Israel because Israel is under the protection of Almighty God: likewise all those that stand with Israel will also be under the protection of Almighty God.

TRUSTING SHABBAT REST; Woodland-WA

I haven't posted anything since June 3rd, because everything in my life has gone sideways since then.

We had left the Long Beach-WA Peninsula the morning of May 30th, and secured an RV parking space at the Lewis River RV Park … where the present trouble started. Every time we get close to Kelso-WA, there is trouble: Holland's family and friends live in Kelso, and they are trouble (drinking, drugging, lying, cheating, and stealing: they are not nice people) - which causes trouble for us when Holland gets pulled (he doesn't have to be coaxed very hard) into the never-ending-chaos, and brings it home after his trips to Kelso.

So, now, I will be having nothing else to do with his family (friends were never an issue for me, as I never wanted to have anything to do with them -  having met 2 of them and being chauvinistically dressed down by the shrimpy mouthy one that struts around like a preening neanderthal). I will no longer be enjoying a glass of red wine during my 24-hour Shabbat Rest because having alcohol in the house only adds fuel to the Kelso flames Holland vigorously fans. I have made it clear to Holland that there will be no more narcotics brought into the house - Holland needs rehab to break his Vicodin addiction … but he stubbornly refuses, claiming he is not addicted, while exhibiting all the characteristics of an addict - including spending time with addicted family and friends when we are in WA State, near Kelso; he angrily refuses to go to rehab or marriage counseling because he knows that he will be told that he needs to enter rehab and cut ties with addict connections (meaning cutting ties with family members and "friends"). We don't even agree on faith … Holland was born into and raised with a cult mentality that eerily resembles the Jim Jones religious cult (I did not know this about him until after we got back from Reno-NV; he had been very quiet in local fellowship, and put himself forward as a Christian man). He knew I was a Messianic Jew when we married because I was very open about myself … now my being a Jew is intolerable to him, and he accuses me of being a seventh day adventist - which I am NOT; but in his mind I am, and that settles the argument for him. I am a Christian: a full-on born again Christian Jew (aka Messianic Jew), and I have agreed to go to a Sunday Service with him … there is an Assembly of God fellowship up the street here in Woodland, but he will only consider vineyard "churches" in Longview-WA or Rainier-OR; knowing I will never set foot in those cultic environments where heresies, blasphemies, and outright occult activities are practiced: these religious activities are what he is familiar with, and he's not interested in anything else.

Holland is not - nor are any members of his family - Christian though they can quote Scripture - chapter and verse: and are actively involved in church activities (aka good deeds = salvation) locally, and nation-wide (and his "friends" are loose bullets when it comes to religion; anything and everything goes); he doesn't know what to do with a wife who is 100% Christian in thought, act, and deed. It irritates him, so he starts arguments and shouts accusations; n.o.n.s.t.o.p.

So.

Independence was scheduled for a complete and thorough inspection, and we are holed up in a local motel; we will know something about the damages fallout the third or fourth week of this month. In the meantime, things between Holland and I have gone seriously sideways. As well as the possibility of Independence being totaled … it appears that our marriage is also headed for the scrap heap.

I can't believe I'm living a life that eerily resembles my mother's and my sister Ramona's. I have STUDIOUSLY AVOIDED domineering men. I always steered clear of neanderthal's. Holland needs to dominate; he needs to control everything and everyone. Holland was unprepared for me. I do NOT like to be under a man's thumb … and I will NEVER be controlled by a man. I will gladly walk alongside a full-grown man who understands that I am a capable and worthy partner; BUT I will NEVER choke on the dust of a chest-thumping/brow-beating, shouting Neanderthal.

If a man does not allow for disagreement, individual thought and opinions; and flat out tells you that you stress him out because you are not wanting to “fall in line” and be in solidarity with any activity you find objectionable and destructive = like drugs, and bad company … they are shallow people, wanting their own way; and wanting to mold you into their opinion of acceptability. They will never be satisfied – and there will never be enough that can be done to make you acceptable in their eyes.

As of 2 days ago, Holland shouted he wants a divorce because "we don't get along - you don't like my family or friends: you hate everyone!" I don't hate anyone. I don't want to be around - or to be associated with - drunks, druggies, liars, cheats, or thieves: if people are trying to better themselves, that's different … but when people refuse to change bad habits and criminal activity, then NO! That does not make me hateful, it makes me relying on common sense and self-care actions. I was raised in an alcoholic-druggie environment before I left home at 17 to build a life for myself away from that crazy train ride; I have no plans to book passage on the Redmill Religion Express Rail. Holland wants a divorce, but he refuses to give me one based on Biblical principles - and anything less is simply another domineering action to keep me from moving on. I am a Christian, a divorce for any other reason than adultery will keep me tethered to him in the eyes of God for the rest of my life with no hope of getting on with my Life. It is cruel; it is unjustified. But I am learning that cruelty is the hallmark of the Redmill Religion.

This entire relationship has been hard to live with; I've never experienced anything like it before - it's almost like he's bipolar. I never know from 1 hour to the next what mood he's going to exhibit. One minute he wants me to go visit his family with him … the next he's yelling at me that he doesn't want me to have anything to do with his family: one minute he's reaching across the console to hold my hand & the next minute he's yelling he wants a divorce because "I can't live with you - we don't get along." If we have a great day one day … he will turn the next day into a chaotic drama. It's like he deliberately sabotages any chance of this marriage surviving. It's a crazy train ride every day.

But, he wants to make sure I "get an apartment and a new car" before he ditches me so he doesn't have to deal with guilt of ditching me for the hyped up hogwash he sells to friends and family. In short, he is willing to throw away a good thing in his life in order to hold onto bad habits and bad company. Isn't he a swell guy?

This entire week has been a nightmare straight out of Hell - so these are some of the things I have been doing to keep a peaceful attitude, a joyous outlook on life, and cultivate love in my Life leading towards my Shabbat Island of Rest:

1. Spend time away (I've gone back to hiking, and visiting friends: gone many hours, which is a blessing at this time).

2. Be intentional (I intend to be happy no matter what, and I have set my mind on harvesting happiness where I can).

3. Schedule “rest” (I purposefully rein in angry thoughts, and focus my mind on canceling stress; I also have been sleeping more than usual so that my body can relax and heal from the stress wounds aimed at me).

4. Read the Bible (YES! The Word is a reliable and trustworthy antidote to everything the enemy of our souls can hurl at us).

5. Meditate on God’s Word (I was just saying this to a friend the other day … the Word is written on my heart that I may not sin or return tit-for-tat to those who have wronged me; I will not entertain hate. The Word is a soothing Balm and a source of soul healing).

6. Tune out the noise (Turn my eyes upon Yeshua, and trust Elohim's Plan; punch the mute button on angry words and respond only as Yeshua would in situations geared towards baiting).

7. Spend time in nature (hiking and days in the country are cheap and enjoyable  therapeutic activities).

8. Be in God’s presence (Walk in the fullness of a Christian Lifestyle every day, and earnestly pray God's Will in every situation).

9. Listen to praise music …

Michael Card - 'Joy In The Journey' lyrics: 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UqStPHbFIc)

Where we go from here, I do not know: but this I do know - Elohim has a definite Plan for my Life, and He brought me to Holland. I was not looking for a husband. I was not entertaining remarriage thoughts. Because of this fact, I am secure in whatever tomorrow holds. I know Who holds tomorrow :-)

RAINY DAY HAPPINESS; Woodland-WA

June 2nd: We simply cannot escape the rain … it seems to follow us wherever we go :-(

So, we each used this in-house day to cater to our individual language of love: Holland cooked a delicious meal … and I designed & crafted 2 more little Angel Baby Blankets :-)

Today was a good low-key Sunday; despite the continual gloomy gray clouds and constant state of wet, we were both feeling blessed in our forced cooped-up situation.

Rain - it just follows us from pillar to post …

An interesting 2-sided pattern; very simple, very easy to work.

Around noon, a new neighbor started to set up …

Holland made bread dough for Supper - no recipe, just a "feel" for it.

Shaped into little Freestyle Round Breads ;-)

Fresh baked bread topped with soppy joe mixture; YUM!

Holland enjoying a little siesta following Supper …

Ray Charles - 'Come Rain Or Come Shine' song lyrics:  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EK2Kp7wflg)

I finished this little boy ABB … and started one for a girl; same pattern ;-)